It sure do feel like that, huh?

This is the agents in the matrix metaphor -- any normal sensible person you meet, until and unless they've been liberated from the reductive dominant culture, is a potentially violent defender of said culture when exposed to challenging ideas.
That "agents" thing resonates hard from an ND perspective, too. I'm sure other oppressed demographics have their own variations, I can imagine racism is similar, sexism, etc.

You can't know someone's commitment to violent defense of dominant taxonomy until it's been tested.
But queerness and e.g. autism are more similar than either is to race, for instance, because these are purely internal truths.

Queerness is about having a different subjective experience than people expect.

(Which is the definition of neurodivergence. coda.io/@mykola-biloko…)
So while an "agent" in the race category might hold an opinion like "this person's skin color makes them less than me", for instance, an "agent" in both the queer category AND in the neurodivergent category is defined more as "this person is being human incorrectly."

Different.
(and of course intersectional logic applies, right, so a queer black autistic is going to be perceived as both of these negative things at once by a lot of people they meet, etc.)
The way we talk about them now, to be autistic is to have one kind of "wrong" subjective experience, to be ADHD is to have a different kind, to be gay is to have a different kind, to be trans is to have a different kind, etc.

Is that so helpful? Is "Queer" just it?
The way we make society safe for everyone is by Queering it. To Queer it is to recognize the validity of every individual's unique subjective experience without attempting to police it or taxonomize it into something more comfortable. Or something like that. Right?
That's what the work is. And antiracism is a part of that work, antisexism is a part of that work, anticolonialism is a part of that work, etc.

But it's so interesting to me that it all comes down to Queerness vs Kyriarchy -- to Punk vs Cop, on every axis.

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More from @mykola

12 Dec
recommitting to getting better at validating what people are saying even if I don't agree with it.

Validation is not agreement. Someone can say something you disagree with profoundly, the conversation will still go better if you validate them.
To validate is to bear witness and affirm that someone is feeling what they're telling you they're feeling.

They may be factually incorrect, their feeling may be a response to a misunderstanding etc -- but you can still validate the feeling. It makes everything else easier.
If someone says "I feel X" and your response is to launch into why they shouldn't feel X -- which is a thing I'm pretty guilty of, though I've worked hard at doing it less -- then you're invalidating them in addition to disagreeing with them.

I learned this in therapy, it helps.
Read 5 tweets
12 Dec
Hmm. But “The One” is a narrative trap created by the machines. So this isn’t quite it. It’s not that they are The One.

It’s that they are one.

Right?

She serves as his subconscious, as his identity, as his reflection at all times. They even dress the same. She is he is she.
That line about “I thought you (I) were a man” —> “most men do” is a major clue that this is neo meeting his own lack of cisness, but also a broader statement about the reductive assumptions “most men” make about their own identities.
I watched part of a video linked somewhere in that thread last night that talked about how important and key to the trans experience it is to realize anyone you talk to could become an agent if you threaten their worldview by existing outside of it.

That’s what the agents are.
Read 16 tweets
12 Dec
Oh, wait. Neo and Trinity are both aspects of The One.

It was never just Neo.

They are the mirror. He is she is he. They reflect each other, from their values to their appearance.

Their sex scene in matrix 2 is the emotional core of the whole franchise. Right?
Anyway. Rewatching the matrix tonight. Wish me luck!
Neo meets trinity in the club.

He steps back, takes her in, says: “I thought you were a man”

“Most guys do.”

This was neo meeting his own gender.
Read 12 tweets
11 Dec
This. Your ND employees generally cannot be “on” 40 hours a week 8 hours a day. We struggle with that, and often need to break up work into other shapes.

As long as we are being productive, make this explicitly ok for us.
Upon reflecting I think I want to clarify this a little bit, because it's a general claim that breaks down under scrutiny.

Some of your ND employees absolutely can be "on" for the full 40 hours. The younger ones, specifically.

Those not yet disabled by a lifetime of being "on".
Autistic burnout is real, and debilitating, and disabling in its own right. And when e.g. autistic people force themselves to play by NT rules for too long without a break they will experience this, and then no longer be able to go on as they had.
Read 5 tweets
11 Dec
My company has hired a DEI consultant and I've been very upfront about the need for better support for ND people. I was grateful that she acknowledged immediately that Neurodiversity was outside of her experience, and was willing to listen to what I had to say.
I posted about this yesterday, but want to reup here that as a part of our internal neurodiversity ERG and the efforts we're making there I asked the company if they'd be willing to pay for ADHD coaching for ADHD employees. Head of HR and the CEO both said they'd look into it.
"Can we get a coaching budget?" is a reasonable accommodation to ask for if you're autistic or ADHD and feel like coaching would help you to do your job better. @joshsusser asked the other day if any company is doing this and it blew my mind that I didn't know.
Read 4 tweets
11 Dec
Yes, this is a great question because it can be challenging to disentangle them! They are both "parts" of you, and a part of healing is recognizing how to listen to and appropriately evaluate what your various parts are telling you.

The trick to this one...
...is that the inner critic is trying to keep you safe by lowering your expectations of yourself and diminishing the value of what you have to offer to the world.

This way nobody else can hurt you more, right? If they don't like your art who cares, you already "know" it's crap.
The inner critic also frequently speaks in someone else's voice. For years mine sounded like my father, and it actively harmed my relationship with him in ways that haven't fully recovered.

I blamed him for what that voice was telling me.

The inner critic _puts you down_.
Read 7 tweets

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