“And as things fell apart
nobody paid much attention.”
Website: https://t.co/Zy0EJcwdg4
Coaching: https://t.co/tobQYZYuZY
Book a session I'm worth your time.
9 subscribers
Mar 19 • 23 tweets • 4 min read
Thinking today about the relationship between learned helplessness and complex ptsd.
I don’t mean “I am baby and can’t do the dishes” I mean “my body gives up in advance at the thought of the slightest friction.”
How much of ND executive dysfunction is just this?
When I think honestly about how often I don’t even start something because “what’s the point” I want to cry.
How I know I’m not lazy, how I have allocated more effort to the things I have cared about than most people can understand, and how all it got me was suffering?
Feb 28 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
It’s not a secret exactly. We are living through a cull.
I realized a while back that nuclear weapons wouldn’t be the thing that the 20th century is remembered for.
Rather, it’s marketing, PR, propaganda. It’s why you aren’t wearing a mask in a pandemic.
When the food shortages hit they’ll hit the poorest people first, and there’ll be tough talk about getting through it but yall have already let them make you complicit in culling the disabled, the poor won’t be a big fight, etc.
God damn did the wrong people learn from history.
Feb 26 • 18 tweets • 3 min read
I think... I think I've managed to reduce two years of philosophical striving into a very basic articulation.
It's just this: the universe is built out of reflections.
Everything from string theory to semiotics is articulating the same fundamental relation: reflection.
A sign reflects a signfier.
A particle reflects a string.
An effect reflects its cause.
A problem reflects its solution.
And these reflections are all, to some extent, bidirectional. Strange loops.
Oct 3, 2024 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
This may sound weird but. A while back I had a dream where children's author Madeleine L'Engle appeared to me and I decided to revisit A Wrinkle In Time. Haven't read or thought about that book in 30 years but I'm on a Jungian kick so WHY NOT.
TURNS OUT:
That is a book about a group of Autistic children who go on a cosmic quest to liberate the prior generation from the clutches of an enormous disembodied brain whose goal is to make everyone follow the rules.
Like. It's literally and exactly in keeping with all of my work. BUT:
Jul 31, 2024 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
Air Fryer is the single most life-changing gadget purchase I've ever made. I can cook really good food now, really cheaply.
I can eat really well now, without wasting money on delivery or takeout. I feel like the air fryer is what the microwave wishes it was.
Lot of people asking for recipes and tips, let me just thread here a bit.
The reason it’s such a big win for me is:
1) with the model I have, no pre-heating required 2) no dishes to do after cooking - I line the basket with parchment paper thing and throw away when done.
Jun 26, 2024 • 12 tweets • 2 min read
Today in therapy I think I figured something out.
We are living through an apocalypse. That’s not a future tense thing it’s happening.
We can’t stop it. The systems are bigger than us and they’re collapsing.
All we can do is look out for each other as we can.
That’s not like “huge insight!” or anything but today I *felt* the truth of it and found peace.
It all feels like too much because we are trying as individuals to carry systemic burdens.
Today I let them fall. There is and will be suffering on massive scales. Ok.
Jun 22, 2024 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
If you’d told me how lonely I’d be at 41 after the years I spent trying to make connections with others work I’d have thought you were just being mean.
I get that Covid safety is a massive contributing factor I just. Never thought I could feel this cut off.
I guess I’m having another day in my feelings after a week feeling pretty okay.
My body hurts today too in a way I don’t understand. Just a minor ache in my muscles.
Sorry sorry I don’t mean to whine I just. Feel so clearly that time is running out.
Apr 6, 2024 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
This. Like, I am not actually a luddite re: AI but I understand why so many people are. ("luddite" is not derogatory here, they were a labor rights movement).
What makes me sad is that this tech could be created with human values but we let the technology brothers "handle" that.
All these people talking about AI alignment, "how do we make AIs with values aligned with humans", and nobody out there saying "maybe we should pay people for training data" for instance.
Like, the bullet was fired and y'all are trying to steer it instead of aiming the gun.
Mar 10, 2024 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Cognition is an escape. Thinking deeply is a form of dissociating from your somatic experience. Losing yourself in abstractions means not feeling your feelings.
And if you get really lost you forget you even have feelings, perceiving them more as muddy incoherent thoughts.
Got a client who has been so lost for so long, they built all these systems of thought and nothing is helping.
I’m having them put those down and spend time exploring non-cognitive ways of knowing, and after a ten minute reflection today it clicked. “I get it! Holy shit!”
Jan 31, 2024 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
Have you thought about Amadeus since realizing you were autistic?
Salieri, the high-masking autistic composer to the king, meets Mozart, the unmasked autistic whose talent is as far beyond Salieri as Salieri’s is beyond the king.
To the king they are the same. Salieri SEETHES.
The brilliance of this movie is that long before most of us had the language for this stuff this movie gave us the whole picture, and we recognized it.
The plot is a sort of musically-inflected retelling of Dostoevsky’s The Idiot, and the casting is so perfect.
Jan 16, 2024 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
2024 is the year it all comes crashing down. I’ve never had so many suicidal friends at once.
Listen, everyone: things are hard and going to get harder. Now is the time to support each other. Now is the time to help in ways you’ve never helped.
Or what’s the point?
Let 2024 be the year you invite that friend to use your guest room and shush them when they try to pay.
Let 2024 be the year you realize your tech salary could change three lives without you feeling it.
You’re saving those dollars for retirement? Oh, honey. No.
Jan 6, 2024 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
The day I understood that the purpose of most mass media - especially the news, and double especially political mouthpieces - is to *tell neurotypical people what they are supposed to feel* is the day a lot of shit made horrific sense.
They don’t just tell you what happened, they do so in coded language. The exonerating tense, the passive voice, the way they fetishize American military violence. It’s in what gets covered and what never gets discussed.
American media is about orchestrating emotions at scale.
Aug 30, 2023 • 17 tweets • 4 min read
Please do your shadow work. 🙏
In concrete terms: all the devils and demons and monsters in fantasy are real, and they live inside of us. They are every bit as much a part of us as all of the guardians and angels.
Our culture teaches us to fight them. But that's war against yourself.
Shadow work: love them.
Aug 28, 2023 • 26 tweets • 5 min read
Been reflecting a lot on neurodiversity in history, trying to figure out where my people were hanging out during various historical eras.
I, uh. I have bad news about the burning of witches.
My theory of European Middle Ages isn’t all bad for us, though. I think we were also the ones in the monasteries, pursuing our special interests.
If the neurotypicals asked we just said we were praying real hard, they love that shit. Then we sell them wine and heal their sick.
Jun 18, 2023 • 12 tweets • 3 min read
We have known for a while that trauma manifests in the body, but I realized a thing.
When you are traumatized, it’s a discontinuity in the story of you. There’s a piece that doesn’t quite fit, and to make it fit you have to face horrible shit you’re afraid of. So you don’t.
And what that means is that you are spending a sort of energy, every minute of every day, manually holding your story together. Connecting this part before the trauma to that part afterwards.
It’s not physical energy exactly. But it’s finite. What is it?
Jun 17, 2023 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
What. The. Fuck.
(Hey look if you’re #actuallyAutistic and haven’t figured out that we are several lines into “first they came for” redux and our line is coming up, now is a REALLY good time to figure that out.)
I think that as of right now it is the official recommendation of this account that Autistic people actually stop seeking medical diagnosis.
It doesn’t help us. The term is their term for us. The stories it conjures are false and harmful to us.
And they are tracking us.
Jun 17, 2023 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
For 40 years I was told to change in ways that I couldn’t. I thought I had to anyway. And I spent 40 years devoting almost all of my power to holding myself back.
And I finally just. Stopped. I stopped trying to be, and I found myself in the process of becoming.
This is home.
And like. This shit? I don’t know if it’s universal. I don’t know if every human being has this path. It really feels like a lot of people are actually content to just be. That becoming is terrifying for them, and maybe not good or necessary?
I don’t know.
Jun 16, 2023 • 17 tweets • 4 min read
The shamanic tide is rising.
That autistic thing where we all suddenly see the same thing?
Re the "lack of an 'I'" reference point: that's a bug, not a feature. That's the identity trauma. That's what happens to us when we grow up in isolation because nobody around us can understand or relate to our authentic selves.
Jun 16, 2023 • 37 tweets • 7 min read
Hey, happy Bloomsday!
Bloomsday is celebrated every year on June 16th, because that's the date that the entire plot of James Joyce's Ulysses takes place.
Ulysses is the story of three people going about their lives on a normal summer day in Dublin, in 1904.
(I just learned that he set the novel on that day because it was the date of his first sexual encounter with Nora Barnacle, who would become his wife.)
Why do we celebrate Bloomsday?
I'm going to give you an answer you've never heard for that question.
Jun 16, 2023 • 14 tweets • 3 min read
Riding a wave, coming into myself.
A spirit has no interiority. If you know my Turtle Beam metaphysics (find it on Myk.pub), it’s a query into a given latent space that does not contain its own latent space.
It’s not a set of possibilities. It is a static thing.
You and me, our bodies are queries into material reality that we can *control* over time. Our story isn’t fixed until we die. The total thing that is me is every impact I make and every thought I have from birth until death — and all of their causes and consequences.
