🇺🇦 sunflower seeds 🌻 Profile picture
Digital Tummeler. Autistic and ADHD, DevExp Software Engineer. Post-Discordian. Black Trans Lives Matter. Probably should give some of that #landback. Grace.
The Doctor.idgaf 💉💉💉 ❎ Profile picture Joshua Cypess Profile picture dmnsqrl Profile picture tobias Profile picture Noel Shrum Profile picture 5 added to My Authors
Jun 25 12 tweets 3 min read
The Torah/Bible contain many stories that have value and meaning and insight even if you don't believe in them, just like any other set of myths.

One of my favorites was always the story of the Tower of Babel, where humans in their arrogance built a tower to reach heaven. God saw what they were attempting and to punish them he not only destroyed the tower, he destroyed _language_. The people were no longer able to understand each other, their words were gibberish to each other and so they spread out, forming competing nations.
Jun 24 7 tweets 2 min read
That Autistic feeling of "Oh no I did a thing wrong, will I be forgiven or is this the one that costs me every ounce of social capital and goodwill that I've built?" I got defensive at what I perceived as _obviously_ inappropriate public feedback at work.

I reacted defensively in slack, rather than responding constructively, which caused others to weigh in supporting the feedback I was receiving.

I retracted my comments and reflected.
Jun 23 24 tweets 8 min read
Marvel characters as unexpected D&D classes, a mini thread. 1) Hulk -- you'd think he's a fighter, right? Big, mad and hits things? Maybe a barbarian is more accurate, but he shrugs off damage instead of gaining vulnerability so that's backwards.
Jun 23 10 tweets 2 min read
Hey friends, can I tell you about my spiritual practice? You see, I believe that spirits are stories and stories are spirits. They have the same logic, the same way of interacting with us. I literally believe the words to be synonyms. What does a spiritual practice look like on this context?

It looks like telling a lot of stories where the purpose in telling them is to create a better world.

It looks like reframing problems as opportunities. Making space for grief. Validating others, building them up.
Jun 23 31 tweets 6 min read
A cleric who compulsively hurts himself so that he can experience the euphoria of healing again and again. The god he worships deems him a champion, but he’s deeply unhappy and driven by unresolved childhood trauma. A ranger with so much empathy that they can’t bring themselves to hunt, and struggle with killing plants. A part of them knows that their nature is to be a Druid, but their special interest is archery and the pay is way better so they can afford to eat sensory-friendly foods.
Jun 23 5 tweets 1 min read
My best friend in high school was, at the time, trapped in conservative Christian ideology and was deeply homophobic.

I learned about Matthew Shepard from him coming in all excited and telling us about it.

This was normal. He was considered to be an upstanding good kid. I remember thinking “something about this feels wrong” and then another friend, the goofy medicated adhd guy who nobody took seriously, called him out angrily over it.

Today that guy is a moderate who is undecided about trans folks.

Nothing is simple.
Jun 23 7 tweets 2 min read
My Autism Reality Simulator:

You have been injected with a non-lethal but excruciating poison. The antidote is readily available, there’s a guy named todd who has gallons of the stuff.

But todd doesn’t believe you need it, and gets angry and then violent if you insist. Meanwhile, an orchestra is tuning their instruments but the levels are massively skewed in the mix so you just hear violins screaming with a low rumble behind it.

The key to winning Todd’s heart is hearing him whisper his secret fears, and then NOT triggering him.
Jun 23 11 tweets 3 min read
The beloved cross country coach who it turned out was a bit too beloved by one of the girls on the team.

That fucked me up, he was my favorite coach and teacher and helped me to grow up. And of course the school lied about it, didn’t want to harm the girl. But at the time all we knew was our favorite coach was gone. Nobody knew why, at first he was helping his sick parents then maybe he got sick but the school year was running out.

So some of us went to see him and say hi, didn’t know or didn’t believe the story.
Jun 22 7 tweets 2 min read
I am not a crypto person so I don't know if this is actually an interesting thought or not, but it occurs to me:

Bitcoin says "A new set of coins is minted every time a human guesses the right number." And then humans compete to guess the right number. But like, you could peg coin generation to *anything*, couldn't you?

As along as that thing was (a) objectively and independently verifiable, and (b) *utterly beyond the influence of humans*, you'd sidestep the whole "destroy the environment" aspect of Bitcoin, right?
Jun 22 5 tweets 1 min read
You, allistic: *does something harmful*

Me, autistic: "Oh! You must not have this piece of information that would allow you to recognize the harm you're causing!"

You, allistic: "...no, I know."

Me, autistic: "But... why don't you stop?"

You, allistic: "Huh?" (Note: in my past, when I was deeply traumatized and living meltdown to meltdown, this was also me. I wasn't able to change. There are still ways I know I cause harm that are deeply embedded in my natural way of being. This is different.)
May 31 5 tweets 1 min read
A thing I say a lot: "spirits are stories and stories are spirits, these words are synonyms."

A concrete example: what is spiritual growth?

It is an increase in the number and complexity of stories you can tell about yourself. Not all growth is good, even spiritual growth. You can grow into some dark corners, you can get trapped in stories that stop you from growing anymore etc. (We can call these demons if we like, but they're not evil. They're just... simple.)

Therapists often help us here.
May 31 11 tweets 2 min read
Wow I was going to write an article but this thread captures a lot of what I was going to say.

I’ll add just a few: 1) what NTs mean by true is “true and not embarrassing to anyone in the room.”

If you assert something factually correct but emotionally hurtful or embarrassing it’ll reflect badly on you, not them.

True = factual + kind.
May 31 6 tweets 2 min read
Hey other #actuallyAutistic people, when you are mentally and emotionally in a good place do you find yourself singing/vocalizing/tapping a beat/etc frequently?

Like, making music as a constant background process and stim? (My COMPLETELY speculative, TOTAL BULLSHIT hypothesis which I cannot defend with any kind of evidence beyond my own life, but:

I’d be willing to bet quite a lot that autistic people invented music.)
May 31 16 tweets 4 min read
IF YOU ARE NOT AUTISTIC please do me ONE FAVOR today: learn what ABA is in the context of autistic people.

Learn that it’s covered by insurance in all 50 states and sometimes legally mandated.

LEARN THAT IT IS CONVERSION THERAPY.

And that it’s coming for everyone who is weird. Today could be the day you add a new piece of information to your toolkit for dealing with the world.

This stuff seems fringe but it’s a multi-billion dollar growth industry based on inducing trauma through operant conditioning.

And they’re expanding.
May 30 5 tweets 1 min read
Autism Speaks has maybe another ten years in power, max. Half of that will be mired in controversy.

They can’t keep doing this ABA shit to us, but now they’re trialing it for non-autistic “behavioral problems”.

Do see this front in the war yet? ABA is literally gay conversion therapy.

And they’re gonna start using it on all the socially “unwanted” people.

You can bet there are ABA shops right now doing Trans Conversion Therapy on innocent kids.
May 30 7 tweets 2 min read
Thinking about how interesting it would be to use @honeycombio for non-work related stuff.

Imagine tracing your time reading a book or playing a game, different chapters are traces that contain nested spans related to the content.

I bet you could automate this with kindle. So like, could I use honeycomb as a note-taking app?

Imagine reading Ulysses and treating each chapter as its own nested trace with chapter-specific metadata. Characters, sentiment analysis, themes, etc.

Events in the narrative can be flagged as events in Honeycomb.
May 16 8 tweets 2 min read
One of the most interesting things about being a manager is that my job is to "get things done". There's not a lot of prescription or rules or practices for me to follow -- I am just personally responsible for what my team delivers.

That means a lot of my work is one-off. Things that I do that nobody told me I should do but which I understand will facilitate my team's success:

1. I talk to other EMs about what we're doing and what they're doing.
2. I reach out to people whose support we need well in advance of us actually needing their support.
May 16 8 tweets 2 min read
I don't know _anything_ about the Johnny Depp thing, other than that they seemed to be two people that seriously traumatized each other and then treated each other very badly as a result. I have a vague sympathy -- perhaps I should call it Himpathy (thanks @kate_manne) -- for Depp, and when I reflect on why it's not because he's the dude. That counts against him.

It's because everything about him screams "Autistic!" to me.
May 16 6 tweets 2 min read
This song came up in a 90s playlist the other day and took me back like 25 years to being a sheltered suburban teen and hearing these lyrics and just having it blow my mind to see a worldview orthogonal to my own articulated to clearly.

There’s so much to love here. At the time the lines like “I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality” or “I believe that trust is more important that monogamy” stood out.

Today it’s the importance of “I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone”.
May 9 14 tweets 3 min read
Discovering you're autistic as an adult feels like coming home after spending a lifetime as a guest in other peoples' realities. Discovering you're autistic as an adult means learning -- and then spending years accepting -- that you're not broken, you're just different, and that all of those times you took the blame for stuff going wrong it was never your fault.

You weren't diagnosed or supported.
May 8 9 tweets 2 min read
Friends I’m 39 and I’m *finally* starting to feel like I have my life on track and know who I am.

In January I’ll be 40, though, and frankly that terrifies me from where I’m sitting. I still feel like a kid learning how things work.

It feels so unfair, which I know is silly. But there’s something about 40 that just… looms. It’s like this boundary in my head on the other side of which is an unknown country, a place I was never sure I’d reach, and a place I have no good model for.

I just know that once I go there I can never come back, and oof.