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22 Dec, 4 tweets, 1 min read
A young couple were taking a walk along a country lane.
They walked hand in hand and as they strolled the guy was getting horny.
He was just about to get frisky when she said, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."
Slightly taken aback, he replied, “OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge?”
She nodded and disappeared behind the hedge. As he heard her sliding her jeans down her legs he got aroused thinking about what was about to be exposed.
Unable to contain himself, he reached a hand through the hedge and touched her leg.
He brought his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he found himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouted, "My God, Mary, have you changed your sex?"

"No," she replied. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a shit.”

and on that note…

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More from @RCdeWinter

RC deWinter Profile picture
22 Dec
The history of the middle finger
I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow
and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Read 6 tweets
RC deWinter Profile picture
22 Dec
A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured to the bartender who approached her immediately. The woman seductively signaled him to bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
Read 4 tweets
RC deWinter Profile picture
22 Dec
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side and then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then placed his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttocks and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.
Read 4 tweets
RC deWinter Profile picture
22 Dec
A mafioso went to Church to partake of Holy Communion. When his turn came he got close to the priest and opened his mouth. The Priest placed the Holy Host on his tongue saying "The body of Christ"
but at the same time let a silent but deadly fart caused by the lentil soup he had for dinner the previous night.
Smelling the this as the Holy Host was placed on his tongue, the mafioso felt sad ,thinking it was a sign from Heaven regarding his evil ways.
After the mass he stood in a corner silently crying for all his sins, when another mafioso saw him crying and said, “Hey Giuseppe, you been standing here for half an hour now crying like a little baby. Why?"
Read 4 tweets
RC deWinter Profile picture
22 Dec
Three couples are meeting with their pastor to discuss joining the leadership team.

The pastor told them to be part of the ministry team they must learn sacrifice. To sacrifice their earthly desires.
He said t if they are truly felt ready to be in the ministry they must forgo sexual intimacy for one month. The couples agreed and closed the meeting in prayer.
The month passed and they were again in the pastor's office.
The pastor said to couple in their mid -50's, "How did your month go?"
They clasped each other's hands & smiled, "No problem really. We haven't had regular intercourse for quite awhile.”

My aside: WTF? Dead at 55?
Read 7 tweets
RC deWinter Profile picture
22 Dec
An American radio station once rang the British Embassy, and asked the ambassador what would be his ideal Christmas present.
The ambassador thought: ”I’d better not say anything extravagant or expensive, like a Rolls-Royce, because if they gave me something like that it would cause a scandal.” So he said: “A box of crystallised fruits.”
A couple of days later during a holiday special one of station’s teporteesannounced: “We asked ambassadors from around the world about their ideal Christmas presents.”
Read 5 tweets

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