Thread by @MichaelGLFlood

The problem with how men perceive rape
splinternews.com/the-problem-wi…
By Lux Alptraum, 2016 @LuxAlptraum 1/11

The problematic idea “that sex can be divided into two broad categories: capital R Rape (which is monstrous, criminal and should be severely punished by the legal system) and normal, chill sex, which is obviously consensual and with which no woman should ever have a problem" 2/11

"But missing from this dichotomy are the scores of “not rape” violations, and acts that might best be described as “sexual microaggressions”—small acts of boundary-pushing and coercion that might be easy enough to brush off in isolation, but in aggregate teach women that..." 3/11

These acts of boundary-pushing and coercion "in aggregate teach women that their bodily autonomy is revocable, and that violations of their boundaries and sense of safety aren’t just tolerable, but utterly and completely normal.” 4/11

Lux Alptraum notes women’s countless experiences of sex that is unwanted and pressured. Women being badgered into sex, or ‘consenting’ due to sheer exhaustion. 5/11

Women’s accounts of saying no to sex, being asked again, saying no another time, being asked again, and then eventually saying yes - even though their lack of desire remains unchanged. 6/11

“Women get socialized to put their needs second and make other people happy, and too many men get socialized to ignore rejections and relentlessly pursue whatever it is that they desire. It’s a toxic combination that can lead women to deprioritize..." 7/11

“It’s a toxic combination that can lead women to deprioritize enthusiastic consent in the hopes of keeping the peace, or to turn to coping mechanisms like alcohol to make not exactly consensual sex feel a little bit more okay.” 8/11

"Consciously or not, men often send women the message that their bodies are not their own to control; that the choice is less between consensual sex or no sex at all, but consent by attrition or sex without consent." 9/11

"When men push up against, or even gently past, women’s boundaries; when they treat “no” as a suggestion rather than an absolute; when sex is positioned as an exercise in persuasion; “the implication” is that women should comply or risk facing the consequences.” 10/11

We must recognise these forms of sexual coercion as violating, traumatic, and wrong. By refusing to recognise their harms, “we teach women to accept them as normal and minimize their pain — and we teach men that they can get away with violating women” 11/11