Thread by @ClaireBerlinski

I woke up today with an (atypical) desire to make New Year's resolutions. I don't believe in them, usually--if you're going to resolve to do something, I usually think, just get on with things and do it--but for some reason, I woke up in a reforming zeal. Thus my 2022 vows:

1. This apartment is a constant, low-level pigsty. I resolve to keep it cleaner. Particularly, I resolve to take out the garbage promptly. I tend to avoid this because the garbage bins in my building are in my basement, and my apartment is a 5th-story walkup.

What's more, the lights in the basement are on a very short timer. If you get caught down there when they go off, you swiftly imagine you'll never find your way out and they won't find your body until the rats have gnawed every last bit of flesh off of you.

Also, the stairs to the basement are super-steep, and if you're carrying big and awkward bags of garbage, it's really easy to trip, which results in garbage everywhere and a race against the timer and the ravenous rats.

My enthusiasm for taking out the garbage is waning by the second as I consider this.

Maybe I can live with the bags of garbage by the door. They're sealed so they don't smell. Never mind on that resolution.

2. Really, I should get out more. I live in Paris. There's so much to see and to do. I should take advantage of it.

That said, it's awfully cozy in my apartment. And perhaps if I hang out in here a few more weeks, I can be the only person in the world who doesn't catch Omicron.

I've made it this far without getting Covid, wouldn't it be foolish to catch it now, when we're so close to the finish line? (I think it's quite plausible that we might be.)

Well, that resolution's a "maybe."

3. What about organizing all my papers? I've been meaning to do that for literally years. I've got a huge plastic tub of papers to file that's been sitting in my attic since 2015.
Perhaps that can be my 2022 vow.

Yes, I'll do that, for sure.

Tomorrow.