Thread by @doctorastralgia

🔥 aries leo sagittarius
🧠 {inside your person’s mind}:

❝ if only you knew how much i’m battling myself inside about how i feel for you. if only you knew what lies behind this cold mask. you haven’t a clue how much grief i’m in because we’re on the outs with each other. ❞ {1}

❝ i know it might seem like i don’t care, but that’s because i’m trying to hide that i care SO much. i don’t know why i can’t just be vulnerable the way you are. i’ve always admired how you wear your heart on your sleeve & life life so freely, without a care in the world. ❞ {2}

❝ i should admit i’ve always harbored a bit of jealousy toward you; i know it sounds ridiculous given that we’re romantically involved, but honestly, i did resent you for being able to be so happy, independent, unbothered by anyone’s opinions - unbothered by MY opinions. ❞ {3}

❝ it’s like, i couldn’t find any weak spot to exert influence over you. that probably sounds emotionally abusive (it sorta is), but i’ve never met someone like you, someone so empowered & sure of who they are. it scared me into think you could leave anytime it suited you. ❞ {4}

❝ you always lived your life without abandon - you just pick up & go depending on whatever adventure is calling to you in that moment & you don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of you. it made me worried, what if one day, i’m not the adventure you want to choose anymore? ❞ {5}

❝ & it made me jealous: why are you so free spirited, why do you have it all? don’t you know the rest of us have things shackling us, making us insecure, things we’re struggling with? how’s life so easy & exciting for you? i didn’t want you to have fun without me, either. ❞ {6}

❝ but you’re someone who creates fun wherever you go, whether you’re with someone or by yourself. it frustrated me, i couldn’t find anything to trigger codependency & make you not want to let go of me. your independence & empowerment made me feel disempowered & insecure. ❞ {7}

❝ & so i kept trying to neg you in little ways to make you doubt your way of being, so you could look to me instead, allow me to guide the relationship, let me have the control... to have some emotional influence over you so i wouldn’t be terrified of you abandoning me. ❞ {8}

❝ but you’re too strong willed - i’ve never loved someone as unshakeable as you - so it shook me. i realize this is all my abandonment & insecurity issues going off the rails & i’m sorry for it. i see now how toxic this mindset was. i shouldn’t have tried to confine you. ❞ {9}

❝ but, i also wanted to be needed by you, to nurture you, to let you put your feet up. i like to be dominant but not to control, but to take care of what i LOVE; you never let me feel like i could. & now... i’m trying to find the vulnerability to express all this to you. ❞ {10}

🔮 take what resonates & leave what doesn’t. DO NOT force it! roles can be reversed, too.

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