ok my friends are starting to have serious things go wrong with their bodies and they are fucking up going to the doctor. Y’all. here’s my cheat sheet:
1. literally no doctor cares if you’re tired or in pain or can’t work. *but* they do care about Activities of Daily Living (ADL).
Google it, and focus on *those* as the reason why your problem is a big problem. e.g. my back hurts when I bend over => I can’t put on socks and shoes
2. when they say “Well, we could [insert treatment]”.

Immediately reply to this with “Will that help?” and potentially follow up with “Will that help me complete [ADL]?”

Often their answer is “most people don’t find it helps but sometimes some do” 🙄
3. Show up in kind of a decrepit state. Doctors are power freaks and they dismiss you if you’re put together. Super over-do your ADL- if you can’t put on socks, walk in barefoot. They need to see evidence of how your problem negatively affects your life when you walk in the room.
4. every problem that a man has is more important than any problem a woman has. if you’re a woman, speak to how this issue creates a problem for you husband (or make one up).
5. you can google stuff to come up with hypotheses but NEVER tell a doctor you have googled or what your theory is. instead, figure out what type of doctor is an expert in your hypothesis and ask your doc “please refer me to an endocrinologist so we can rule out anything there”
6. they think you’ll go away if they prescribe something so they’ll just prescribe you something random and innocuous (like “prescription-strength” ibuprofen 🙄). just skip any prescription you don’t want, e.g. I’ve never filled any of the metformin scripts I’ve been given
7. prices for procedures, imaging, etc is random and varies a TON. if you have more time than money, they are 3rd party sites that tell you how much each thing costs at different places with your insurance.

I used to spend hours to take Caltrain to San Jose to save $$$$ on MRIs
8. another great way to save money: if you think you are DYING, go to ER. check-in, and when they say they want to admit you, decline and say you just want to hang in the waiting room as long as you’re still conscious. if you pass out, they’ll admit you ASAP. if not, you owe $0
9. doctors ability to read imaging is also random: depends on how much they care about you, how tired they are, how much they remember about your context. KEEP YOUR FILMS/CDs and make sure every doctor gets them. Other doctors will see different things in the same report!!!
10. whether because they’re arrogant or they’re trying to incite your confidence in them (and thus the placebo effect), if you bring them an explanation to a new doctor they will scoff and doubt prev doc’s credentials. pretend to agree, take every new explanation with skepticism.
11. oh you know how every doctor gives you a 5 page form to fill out with all your family history of every possible disease? just skip it and give it back to them blank. they don’t even notice or look at it 🤷‍♀️
ooh here are some A+ phrases to use
y’all are so horrified at my money saving tips but I don’t understand how so many people have so much money they don’t need to worry about this????

here’s another one: local anesthesia is *always* WAY cheaper than general anesthesia. always choose local when you have the option

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More from @maiab

31 Aug 21
I dunno, but I am extremely not into “feedback” at work, I do not want to “learn and develop”, I am anti “growth mindset”(which seems to be a way to justify telling employees they’re never good enough, holding them locked into that position and telling them they should like it)
and I get really positive glowing feedback all the time! but it still makes me feel icky, like I’m very skeptical that other people could judge or evaluate me in a way that is helpful to me
also there’s a whole bunch of stuff I am bad at… it’s because I don’t value it or find it interesting so no lol I am not going to work on it. and *maybe* I would be more valuable to my employer if I did but really, maybe not, and I think I’m plenty valuable to them as I am today
Read 5 tweets
17 May 21
I scheduled time to see friends this weekend — I haven’t seen them in over a year and was excited! We planned where to meet - a restaurant, Taylor’s Shellfish maybe? and I just felt my whole body tense up.
A restaurant? It’d be so crowded on a Saturday, and Covid is still here. We might have to wait for a table. And it’s always either too fucking sunny at Taylor’s or freezing cold.
I usually don’t host at home mostly because I hate cooking while loving fancy food.
but opening my eyes and being more flexible and leaning into what I want and problem solving (and advice from my sage sister) resulted in us hiring a local chef to make us lunch at my house
Read 5 tweets
14 Apr 21
nothing has been explained to me more than men telling me you can’t hang heavy shit on drywall without a stud
it is almost always followed by them failing to operate a stud finder correctly
but swear to god I must have really fucked this up in a past life to have to be explained this 100 times over. the first million times I was like “oh because I’m young they don’t know how handy & self-sufficient I am” but now there’s no explanation
Read 6 tweets
7 Apr 21
Congratulations to the entire @myrocksbox team -- and especially the incredible @meaghanroseRB -- on being acquired by Signet! 🥳
I owe so much of my career to Meg inviting me in to share some of the earliest days of Rocksbox.

Damn, what a fucking education in building a business.

Meg had designed a product customers LOVED.
She taught me the value of healthy margins and stress of customer acquisition.
I know that being acquired by a public company will bring the Rocksbox vision -- women bringing their best selves to the world because they feel confident -- to a much larger scale 📈
(so funny to see the RB member described as "self-purchasing woman" 😂) forbes.com/sites/pamdanzi…
Read 4 tweets
3 Apr 21
I met an 👼 @coltonyelinek this week 🥺
I believe this, my friends, is what they call a love triangle
have you ever seen such a happy bear cub?
Read 5 tweets
21 Mar 21
the most persistent, longest-running thread of trauma in my life is “you should have known better”
for the first 15 years of my life it was “you should have known better because everyone knows this” and for the next 15 years it was “you should have known better because you’re so smart” and now it’s “you should have known better because you have so much influence”
it’s driven my furious drive to always learn more about the world, but it never seems like I learn enough, or maybe not the right things?

and now I’m getting tired like fuck it seems like I can never get ahead of hearing this refrain so why bother trying
Read 5 tweets

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