Incidentally, if “Boris” Johnson weren’t the barely functioning instant-gratification junkie sack of sludge, he & his addled aides would big up the essential role of booze in politics. One 19th Century chancellor threw up over the despatch box during his Budget speech, Pitt…
…the Younger was permanently pissed, the whole Cabinet were drunk, half of them asleep, when Britain declared war on Russia in the Crimean War, Asquith was so pissed he gave a new word - “Squiffy” - to the language, Gladstone was often so hungover in the Commons he could…
…barely stand, Churchill famously fought off the “black dog” of depression by drinking champagne cocktails for breakfast, the leaders of the Coup against Gorbachev were drunk for a week while Yeltsin, who out manoeuvred them, was drunk for much longer than that. It was said…
…that George Brown’s problem wasn’t the drink but that he couldn’t handle it (on top of asking the Archbishop of Lima to dance to the Peruvian national anthem, he also got thrown out the Gay Hussar while Foreign Secretary for feeling up the woman sat at the next table) whereas..
…Wilson, Roy Jenkins, Crosland & the rest were hitting the whisky by mid morning & functioning perfectly well for the rest of the day. And, of course, we all know that the surgeons on M*A*S*H were the most brilliant in the Korean theatre of war & were knocking back martinis…
…from the moment they woke up. And don’t forget, insensible drunkenness is the sire of dynamic political action- Alexander the Great murdered his favourite (& lover) at a boys only Dionysian Frenzy and Enver Hoxha shot dead half the Albanian politburo when ripped to his tits..
…on slivovitz. So, a mark of how far we’ve sunk is the pitiful spectacle of the pathetic oaf Johnson & his woke army of wankers in the Tory Party mewling their mealy-mouthed apologies, whereas if they were anything other than the putrid cowards they clearly are they jump…
…into a fleet of jags, a spliff in one hand & an open bottle of kümmel in the other & drive back to their constituencies to tell the moaning minnies to go fuck themselves. I mean, do you think we committed all those atrocities that built the British Empire *stone cold sober*?

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More from @MartinRowson

14 Jan
Though the question remains, of course, how badly Johnson pilces his own psychopathology. He obviously gets the kicks from getting away with the failures, the betrayals, the lies and the rest, fuelling his narcissism that he's extra special & therefore invulnerable. Trouble is...
...that his particular brand of needy psychopathy needs, for each fresh high, total irresponsibility compounded by a contempt for even the notion that those people things around him are anything other than mirrors to reflect back his own glory, which means it would be ludicrous..
...to entertain notions of responsibility or accountability - like being answerable to ants. Of course, in politics - particularly democratic politics, having naked contempt for the people who elect you, while also not giving a shit about anything in a job which is basically...
Read 8 tweets
12 Jan
Spent the morning writing down this lyric running through my head as I awoke. Apologies to Rogers, Hammerstein & everyone else
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Boris

He has a drink but doesn't think
That anyone will care,
Hosts a bash, goes on the lash
Then claims he wasn't there
When asked for explanations
He'll blub it isn't fair
I think he's going to fuck it for us Tories!

He treats all high affairs of state
As just a silly game
While all other affairs he's had
Will see him shift the blame
While smirking for the cameras
Because he has no shame...
...Exactly like the rest of all us Tories!

I'd like to say, although it's indiscreet:
He won... me my... seat

How do you solve a problem li-i-ike Boris?
How do you feed an arsehole its own shit
How do you find a word that sums up Boris?
A sociopath! A charlatan! A tit!
Read 8 tweets
7 Nov 21
Wow! Yesterday I not only finally hired a Zipcar to take a load of junk to the Scope shop (tho it took me 15 minutes to work out how to start the bastard - whatever happened to ignition keys ffs?), I also rethreaded 2 broken blinds & we had our flu jabs. Plus, it seems, the…
…wheels are finally beginning to come off the Tories’ flaming clown car. But what I truly wonder at is how long they thought the spell would last, & that a wholly selfish sociopath without principles, values, honour or even ideas beyond thinking up a fresh lie to expedite his…
…escape from the consequences of the last lie would be viable in the long term as anything beyond an exploding shit shower. I suppose it’s a mark of the utterly ruthless lust for power of the Tories, as the best way both to ease & mask their centuries long heist of stripping…
Read 6 tweets
2 May 21
More to the point, tho, is the bizarre psychopathology of Tories who aspire to leadership. Cameron thought leading the country was his birthright, & thus became our 1st Gap Year Prime Minister, merely on the way to greater opportunities to make money. Tho the languorous...
...complacency underwriting his whole shtik meant he’s comprehensively fucked up everything he’s touched. Then there’s Theresa May, who thought being Prime Minister was her duty & thus became our first Hobby PM. Sadly, the job is almost wholly about PEOPLE & their beguiling...
...bullying, enchantment, entrapment & all the other dark arts of the highest politics, be it practised by Hitler or Gandhi. Sadly, May doesn’t like people & doesn’t know what to do when she meets one, or even what to say. And so she, too, fucked everything up, constantly...
Read 14 tweets
2 May 21
Been quietly avoiding the news since Friday - we all need time off, & y’day I crippled myself shovelling about a ton of soil & today walked for miles to, around & from @zsllondonzoo in I’ll-fitting shoes, so I’ve been in better nick all in all. NONETHELESS I’m in better shape...
...than cash-strapped mendacrat, mirror-hog & clinically obese sack of fat pantomime Prime Minister (where both ends are the arse end) “Boris” Johnson. If I were a Tory donor who’s forked out for his personal trainer I’d want my fucking money back!
Tho if I was a Tory donor I’d be so consumed with my own self serving evil & entitlement to get to sit next to Robert Jenrick at a charity cat throttling auction I’d be anti glowing too intensely with a denser shade of ultimate darkness that the depths of the Devil’s jacksie so..
Read 4 tweets
15 Apr 21
Anyway, before I go to bed just this. Over the past 35 years I've worked for every national daily paper except the Sun & the Daily Star at some point, but now, aged 62, I'm delighted to be working fod the Antimatter of the Main Stream Meejah over at @BylineTimes - and I started..
...last month with the first episode of "Infurno", the sordid yet truth life tale of what exactly is going on behind the matt black doors of 10 Downing Street. That first episode now follows in a series of cliffhanging tweets...
Read 9 tweets

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