Thread by @MartinRowson

Incidentally, if “Boris” Johnson weren’t the barely functioning instant-gratification junkie sack of sludge, he & his addled aides would big up the essential role of booze in politics. One 19th Century chancellor threw up over the despatch box during his Budget speech, Pitt…

…the Younger was permanently pissed, the whole Cabinet were drunk, half of them asleep, when Britain declared war on Russia in the Crimean War, Asquith was so pissed he gave a new word - “Squiffy” - to the language, Gladstone was often so hungover in the Commons he could…

…barely stand, Churchill famously fought off the “black dog” of depression by drinking champagne cocktails for breakfast, the leaders of the Coup against Gorbachev were drunk for a week while Yeltsin, who out manoeuvred them, was drunk for much longer than that. It was said…

…that George Brown’s problem wasn’t the drink but that he couldn’t handle it (on top of asking the Archbishop of Lima to dance to the Peruvian national anthem, he also got thrown out the Gay Hussar while Foreign Secretary for feeling up the woman sat at the next table) whereas..

…Wilson, Roy Jenkins, Crosland & the rest were hitting the whisky by mid morning & functioning perfectly well for the rest of the day. And, of course, we all know that the surgeons on M*A*S*H were the most brilliant in the Korean theatre of war & were knocking back martinis…

…from the moment they woke up. And don’t forget, insensible drunkenness is the sire of dynamic political action- Alexander the Great murdered his favourite (& lover) at a boys only Dionysian Frenzy and Enver Hoxha shot dead half the Albanian politburo when ripped to his tits..

…on slivovitz. So, a mark of how far we’ve sunk is the pitiful spectacle of the pathetic oaf Johnson & his woke army of wankers in the Tory Party mewling their mealy-mouthed apologies, whereas if they were anything other than the putrid cowards they clearly are they jump…

…into a fleet of jags, a spliff in one hand & an open bottle of kümmel in the other & drive back to their constituencies to tell the moaning minnies to go fuck themselves. I mean, do you think we committed all those atrocities that built the British Empire *stone cold sober*?