Been quietly avoiding the news since Friday - we all need time off, & y’day I crippled myself shovelling about a ton of soil & today walked for miles to, around & from @zsllondonzoo in I’ll-fitting shoes, so I’ve been in better nick all in all. NONETHELESS I’m in better shape...
...than cash-strapped mendacrat, mirror-hog & clinically obese sack of fat pantomime Prime Minister (where both ends are the arse end) “Boris” Johnson. If I were a Tory donor who’s forked out for his personal trainer I’d want my fucking money back!
Tho if I was a Tory donor I’d be so consumed with my own self serving evil & entitlement to get to sit next to Robert Jenrick at a charity cat throttling auction I’d be anti glowing too intensely with a denser shade of ultimate darkness that the depths of the Devil’s jacksie so..
...I probably wouldn’t be too bothered so long as I got my invite down the Hellfire Caves to play hopscotch with Matt Hancock & a cavalcade of shitdemons from our finer schools.

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More from @MartinRowson

2 May
More to the point, tho, is the bizarre psychopathology of Tories who aspire to leadership. Cameron thought leading the country was his birthright, & thus became our 1st Gap Year Prime Minister, merely on the way to greater opportunities to make money. Tho the languorous...
...complacency underwriting his whole shtik meant he’s comprehensively fucked up everything he’s touched. Then there’s Theresa May, who thought being Prime Minister was her duty & thus became our first Hobby PM. Sadly, the job is almost wholly about PEOPLE & their beguiling...
...bullying, enchantment, entrapment & all the other dark arts of the highest politics, be it practised by Hitler or Gandhi. Sadly, May doesn’t like people & doesn’t know what to do when she meets one, or even what to say. And so she, too, fucked everything up, constantly...
Read 14 tweets
15 Apr
Anyway, before I go to bed just this. Over the past 35 years I've worked for every national daily paper except the Sun & the Daily Star at some point, but now, aged 62, I'm delighted to be working fod the Antimatter of the Main Stream Meejah over at @BylineTimes - and I started..
...last month with the first episode of "Infurno", the sordid yet truth life tale of what exactly is going on behind the matt black doors of 10 Downing Street. That first episode now follows in a series of cliffhanging tweets...
Read 9 tweets
14 Apr
And to clear the decks here are the results of the #DrawGrantShapps Challenge. Going to skip through these to starve the littl eirk of the oxygen of publicity. Even if if he is Mick Jones' cousin. Anyway, here's @SwissRich71 with typical brevity & pith!
...A splendid bit of geological caricature from the twisted recesses of @DavidWaywell's id, Grant's 4th identity as Malcolm McLaren & Michael Sheen's lost love child courtesy of @daviescartoons + @JamesDFMellor & @JaseToons
Read 9 tweets
9 Apr
Well, I met him 4 times, the last time being in my role as a vice-president of @OfficialZSL at the opening of the new Whipsnade elephant barn. He looked at me and mny fellow trustees and said "You lot look bloody freezing!" and moved on. The best occasion, though, was in his...
...role at patron of the The Cartoon Arts Trust, which runs @Cartoonmuseumuk. Before we found a permanent home I went to a fundraising dinner in St James Palace. There were only 3 living cartoonists there, me, Peter Brookes & Nick Garland. Garland's a bit too grand to meet...
...Royalty, so me & Brookes were summoned into the ducal presence. I said hello & he asked me if any of my work was syndicated, and I said I had no idea. He then turned to Brookes, who bowed low and said "Peter Brookes, sir, The Times", as which point Phil the Greek exploded...
Read 7 tweets
29 Jan
OK lovelies, time for the results of the grand #DrawACovidDenier Challenge. Honestly, I was going to engage in a lengthy rant about these attention seeking psychotic cranks, but fuck em - why should they steal my life? Suffice it to say they have all the charm of the kind of...
...squalid psychopath who gatecrashes funerals to spit in the mourners' face to show them how brilliant they are at spitting, while the only qualifications of the higher profile hack cranks is a capacity to impress the editors of rags that think Journalism is just a side project
...of charging the public to laugh at the zanies in Bedlam. As I say, fuck 'em. And by god you have. Let's get straight on with it. Lovely general observations from @artuscreative, @BackwardNut & @cartoonsbypete
Read 23 tweets
29 Jan
Right - you got four more days to get in your considered visual judgement on Rupert Murdoch in the Great (and Grassroots!) #DrawRupertMurdoch Challenge, while the Wrinkled Dynast seethes in his Thames Valley hideaway against the iniquities of Cancel Culture. Bang right Cobber!
And in that Spirit of Free Expression here are some Rupes of mine own from down the years. From @M_Star_Online
...and 2 more from @M_Star_Online
Read 7 tweets

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