Thread by @adblanche

After talking about being #bipolar at work, it's clear that other folks want support and guidance on *how* to talk to your manager about your disability.

Mine is mental, and this is *my* advice and experience, YMMV.

Let's get started. 👇

(Inspo @Mimi_Aboubaker ...thank you!)

First, always always always read these policies before you decide to disclose:
- Anti-Harassment
- Anti-Discrimination
- Grievance / Reporting / Policy Enforcement
- Business Code of Conduct

Look for anti-retaliation clauses, at minimum.

These policies won't necessarily guarantee they'll be enforced, but if you don't see them, it's a huge 🚩 for even working at your company.

These policies are the minimum acceptable standard for operation imho.

Next, really clarify *why* you want to disclose, and what you hope to gain from it.

Is it:
- Getting additional support or an accommodation?
- Building community or connecting with other disabled folx?
- Just want to be more authentic?

This is critical because your manager is better positioned to help you with the first than the others.

If you're looking for community or authenticity, I'd go to your company's disability ERG first. That's where you'll likely find community, connection.

If you don't have one?

See if you can find "outside of work" communities you resonate with. I'd argue that having community and emotional support is a huge part of the care network that you need to feel supported to disclose.

If you want to start an ERG, I'd definitely disclose to my manager first.

Now, let's say you still want to disclose to your manager.

First, be clear about what you *want* from your manager. Is it flexibility or slightly different working conditions? Updated team norms? A formal accommodation or adjustment?

Your manager is not meant to be your therapist, and you'll likely have a better experience if you're clear and direct about what you're seeking.

If you want, workshop this with other disabled folks. Your therapist and doctor if you have access to one.

Now, getting to disclosure:

I would use 1:1 time to do this, and give my manager a heads up that I "needed to address a personal issue with them" beforehand, so they're emotionally prepared.

I also have a specific way I'd disclose:

"Hey manager, I'd like to talk to you about the fact that I have a disability, and am looking for ______________ from [you | the team | the company].

Is that a type of support you're willing and able to provide?"

Be prepared for your manager to be awkward af. Most people suck at talking about disability, and get really nervous or freaked out. It's not inevitable, but it's good to be emotionally prepared.

Stay focused on what you *need* from them.

If needed, let them know that you are willing to work with HR or bring them in to support. Those folks should know the policies better, and are likely better equipped to walk you through an #ADA process if you need one.

You might feel *a lot* of things after disclosing. It's a big deal. You did a brave af thing.

Give yourself a ton of credit.

Also, lean on your community. Talk to some folks about your experience, because you deserve it.

Now, another scenario: Your disability has outed you all on its own.

(I had a manic episode basically at @didierelzinga last year. That did the disclosing for me.)

You probably need to address this directly. It might be super scary. But you got this.

"Hey MANAGER, I feel like I need to provide an explanation for you about ____________. I have ___________ disability and it was affecting me in _____________ way.

I [do | don't] need your support. (Optional: What I'm looking for is __________ . )

In my case, I needed extra time off as I was hospitalized, and I needed to be able to be honest about how I was doing in my 1:1s.

I spent ~6 mos telling my boss that I was doing *horribly* because my meds weren't calibrated. It sucked, but what didn't suck was his response.

In my case, I was incredibly lucky. @didierelzinga let me know he understood I had a manic episode, and let me know I could talk about my #bipolar (or not), and wanted to know what I needed. (YES! These managers exist!!)

He wanted clarity about what I needed.

I was direct that I needed to be able to acknowledge to him 1:1 where I was struggling.

That struggle lasted at least 6 mo last year. My meds were not calibrated, I was in a medication depression, and sleeping between my Zooms (up to 16 hrs a day).

I needed to adjust my work.

I think my experience was meaningfully better because I disclosed and asked for what I needed. I deserved the support, and you emphatically do as well.

1. Check policies
2. Build community
3. Identify your goal
4. Be direct and make a specific ask

Again, you've GOT this.