Thread by @JoshDaws

Story time, boys and girls. Let’s say you live in a neighborhood where everyone’s lawn is dying and you are convinced it is your neighbor Gary’s fault because he refuses to put a pink flamingo in his yard. 1/

No matter how much anyone tries to persuade him, Gary will not cooperate with the rest of the neighborhood who had all dutifully put pink flamingos in their yards when the HOA asked them to in order to stop the spread of whatever was killing their yards. 2/

Gary drives past all the other pink-flamingoed yards in the neighborhood every day to and from his job. On the weekends he works in his own yard flaunting its lack of a pink flamingo for all the neighbors to see. 3/

As the lawns get worse, the neighbors redouble their efforts and put a second or even third flamingo in their yards. Nothing they do seems to help their yards. “Without 100% pink flamingo participation,” the HOA says, “our lawns are going to continue to suffer.” 4/

You know who is to blame. Gary’s selfishness is causing the lawns to die. Why can’t he just cooperate? It’s just a pink flamingo. What is the big deal? To make matters worse, Gary is a fellow church member of yours. Doesn’t he care about his witness for Christ?! 5/

You decide you’ve had enough. You confront Gary. You tell him that by not putting a pink-flamingo in his yard he is not loving his neighbor. You quote several verses at him hoping they’ll prick his conscience and make him repent. Gary grows frustrated with you. 6/

“This is silly and stupid,” Gary says with huff, “plastic pink flamingos won’t save our yards. This is pointless. I won’t comply.” 7/

Angry and powerless to change Gary’s mind, you begin writing articles for the community newsletter about how neighbors with pink flamingos in their yards are good people and that those without them are not. 8/

You successfully lobby the HOA to prevent pink flamingoless neighbors from using the pool. “That’ll teach Gary,” you think with delight. 9/

Months and months pass and the lawns continued to decline. The flamingos grow dusty as their lawns dry up. The HOA, in despair, concedes defeat. “Our flamingos were useless. They didn’t prevent a thing. This drought was beyond our control. There was nothing to be done.” 10/

All that anger at Gary. All that smear and abuse. Could the HOA really be correct? Was it all for naught? Was I horrid to my neighbor this whole time? Was Gary right all along? Do I… no… do I owe him an apology for the way he was treated? 11/

But wait. What’s this? A new statement from the HOA. “Yes, it’s true the pink flamingos were useless. They never did a thing. However, we have a new solution that is sure to do the trick.” 12/

“Garden gnomes?” you read out loud. “Of course! Garden gnomes! I must get one at once.” As you rush out the door to acquire yourself a gnome, you run into Gary who has just arrived home. Gary, that jerk who was right all along. Our lawns are doomed as long as he lives here. 13/

Then you start planning how to get Gary out of your neighborhood because he’s a bad person after all.

Oh by the way this story is about Covid and masks. The end. 14/14