Thread by @NaomisLitPix

I am so, so thankful for the queries I have been reading while recovering from surgery. And the full manuscripts. I've noticed some trends for what catches my eye in a positive way in a query, so, a thread! As always: just my opinion. There are many right ways to do things.
🧵1/

Brief intro: "Dear Naomi, I'm pleased to send you my GENRE novel, TITLE. Packed with THEME/MOOD/GENRE-EXPECTATIONS, this ADJECTIVE story will appeal to fans of COMP TITLE and COMP TITLE." And from here, immediately into the blurb about the book.
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"I'm pleased to bring you this crossover space opera: STAR WARS. With layers of found family and a steady stream of high-stakes action, this expansive story will appeal to fans of the space exploration in STAR TREK blended with the adrenaline of DIE HARD."
2.5/

I'm most attracted to queries that dive into story next rather than detailing themes/author intention.
"NAME is CURRENT SITUATION OR STAKES. But when INCITING INCIDENT CHANGES THINGS IN SPECIFIC WAY, THEIR DIRECTION CHANGES (and how)."
Caps=placeholder for your specifics.
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Example:
"Luke Skywalker would rather shoot womprats from his speeder than tend the family farm. When the Empire burns down his home, he's left more stuck than ever, amd his resolve to join the rebellion solidifies. W/fugitive droids at his side,he finally leaps to the stars."
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This way really ropes me into the character with ease and makes me care about them, so it's a good method to start your query in a way that implies "character driven novel." You feel for his impatience and how he wanted to leave at ANY cost... until this. Now he has no choice.
5/

Another method of opening the query I'm attracted to:

"In a world where INTERESTING SENSE-OF-PLACE SPECIFICS, NAME grapples with TENSION POINT. But when INCITING INCIDENT HAPPENS, SPECIFIC THINGS CHANGE IRRECONCILABLY."
6/

Example:
On the crime-riddled desert world of Tatooine, Luke Skywalker hates his isolated, repetitive life as a moisture farmer. But when the galactic Empire's attacks hit too close to home,claiming his family's lives,Luke resolves to flee this desolate world&join the fight.
7

This version might feel better to you if your book is STRONGER in its world building,rather than a focus on the zoomed-in intimate character profile of the 1st. Think: what reader experience will I deliver? Angle it that way rather than listing themes,inspirations, characters.
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So what's next?
I like to see 1 paragraph of how the story will unfold, & 1 about how it thunders toward the climax. Again, I'm using Star Wars because the synopsis guide over at PublishingCrawl . Com does it too&I'm constantly recommending that, so I hope these pair well.
9

These 2 paragraphs would include the major plot beats+other important characters. It would show a daring escape from Tatooine with a scruffy pilot and his large, furred companion on a rust-bucket spaceship, determined to rescue Leia; Obi-Wan & droids in tow. Intro the Force.
10/

It would show the death star, the trash compactor, Alderaan,the loss of a mentor, Empire's wrath. It would center around the prep for the final battle with a focus on STAKES (the death star closing in on the Rebel base while Luke must learn to trust his powers or die trying).
11

Every word in these paragraphs should be selected to be powerful & placed just right. Make me cling to the edge of my seat and think "Oh, I NEED to see what happens." And if you've hooked me with your opening first, that's much easier, because I already have a reason to CARE.
12

Finally, I like to see a paragraph that sums up you as an author. Use credentials to show me who YOU are and where you see yourself going, why publishers will consider you a strong investment. I'll give a less-effective example and a more-effective.
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Less effective:
"I've written four novels. I've attended conferences and I have an MFA from X University. I grew up in Tennessee, and currently live in New Jersey. I work in corporate and want to transition to full-time writing. Please let me know if you'd like to see more."
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I mean, it does the job. But when I'm thinking about offering, I'm also thinking about our time together. I'm going to essentially work for you, go to bat for you,&you're going to work w/ my guidance. It's a big (and hopefully long) commitment and it should be a pleasant one
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More effective:
Over the course of the 4 novels I've written, I've workshopped w/ NAME at EVENT, & I attend X conference every year. I have a passion for telling stories in space about hope and choice, w/a little magic peppered in. Please let me know if you'd like to see more.
16

This shows me you've done your pre-query work. You know the industry a bit. You've got the ability&drive to write multiple books. You're committed to continued learning. I can see that YOU know your BRAND w/clear vision for what your audience gets from your work.
17/

To be clear: this does NOT have to be "stuff-I-paid-to-do." Privilege barriers exist in this industry;I want them gone. It can be "I've worked w/ 4 beta readers on this." Or "I spend hours in the library every week." Or "I work nights&spend the early mornings honing my craft."
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The point is that I want to see how you've developed as a writer or how you continue to advance, how you see yourself, your career. If you have personal connection to your book, like "I, too, escaped moisture farming on a desert planet w/a wookie" tell me that, too.
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I ask other questions on my query form bc I REALLY want us to have easy communication. I'm neurodivergent and I like clarity and directness. I will spend MANY hours working on your stuff before I see a dime. I take my job seriously & expect you to take this process seriously.
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(It's worth mentioning that I DON'T need you to butter me up. It doesn't sway me. But a quick special thanks to everyone who mentions Mr. Noodles in your query; he DOES have quite the ego and all your mentions help me keep that ego sated) 20.5

Anyway, these are just some #amquerying #querytip #querytips for the #writingcommunity I thought of while sitting w/ice packs reading lots of really good queries. I hope it helps some - and my advice is not the only way to do things so use it if it's useful, discard if not.
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And a BIG thank you to Sooz at publishingcrawl.com for the "how to write a 1-page synopsis" guide from 2012 - it's a FABULOUS resource, and my inspiration for the Star Wars example I used for these query suggestions.
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Tl;dr -
Intro your book. Hook me. Comp it. Get quickly, concisely, and powerfully into the story. Choose best words. Close it with genuine info about you so I'm excited to work with you. Boom!
/END #querytip thread

Oh I should throw on here a couple things that do NOT help you when I'm reading your query, but I didn't want to be all negative here. Really quick:
Don't insult other works
Don't make a whole paragraph about my gender and how you don't know how to address me (I'm not kidding)

Don't berate yourself or your book
Don't say I'm making a mistake if I pass (be confident, not arrogant)
Don't say there are no books like yours (I know. That's the point of writing a new book. Pick an element of similarity in some other media and roll with it)

But if I pass, it is NOT for:
Typos
A wrong word or five
An inaccurate comp

I try to read into the heart of the story even if the query sucks,to be perfectly honest. It's just EASIER if the query is strong.

I have an accessibility box on my form. Please use it if you need to. I WANT to know your needs. It will not make me consider you "hard to work with" or other ableist garbage.

Okay I think I'm done.

THANK YOU for all the queries. I love, love, love authors, all of you, truly.

Oh here I am again. I thought of one more thing.
Your query letter is another chance to flex your writing prowess. It's more important to write in an engaging way than it is to tell every event in the novel, in precise, accurate order. Use your query, too, to tell your story.

Wow I'm humbled by the engagement here - I'm so glad my little thoughts were helpful. And thank you to those who shared perspectives from which I can learn too.

While you're here, check out all my clients at naomidavisbooks.com &follow them on social&read their booooooks plz

I'm muting this now but omg, thank you for all the interaction here - I'm humbled by how many authors felt this was helpful. I'm cheering for you - happy querying!!!