Thread by @QuinnyPig

If I have to go through annual security awareness training, so do you.

@ESET may not enjoy this very much. It's threading time!

Well if someone markets to me under this name we know where it came from.

I... is this really necessary? I guess the 90 minute training's gotta be filled up with something.

"Meanwhile, Jackson's partner is cheating on him. Will he find out? Let's tune in..."

"You have a low-status job that's dull as watching paint dry, so you pretend you're saving the world with every decision you make."

Yup. Jackson works in infosec, all right.

"Here's how to detect whether an email is legitimate or not." I love how @eset has apparently not heard of "phishers who can spell properly" or "header inspection."

"The email isn't to the specific dedicated tagged address I gave Amazon years ago" is of course not on the list.

And of course "Amazon doesn't sign off with 'Best Regards' ever" is not on the list either.

"If you get a suspicious email, don't engage with it and put it out of your mind" means that I'll be ignoring a lot of emails. Like the inevitable @eset sales outreach.

"It's CRITICAL that you avoid opening a dodgy email attachment."

Uh... my rejoinder is "Why can me opening a file destroy the corporate network? This seems a lot like victim blaming to me. Maybe the Corporate IT folks need to upskill."

Apparently @eset should also "utlize" a spell checker.

This training seems to think that "spam filter" isn't software so much as it is an item in my job description.

This one's clearly spam but I bet @ESET doesn't know that. Why? Because Amazon hasn't told you what you ordered in their confirmation emails for *years* now.

Sorry, no. If "public wifi" is unsafe for you to use in 2022, your IT department has failed utterly. We're talking "contributed to the @ESET curriculum" level of failure here.

Bullet point 2 is sponsored by the entire RSA expo floor.

I would do all three of these because, again, it is 2022.

Hey, @internetofshit spotted in the security awareness training wilds!

"Check a company's privacy policy" is one hell of a lift, @ESET.

Yeah, no. If my employer cares about these things they can provide a separate router and uplink for business use. If not, they can shut the fuck up about what I do at home and mind their business.

Right after the "HTTPS is important" segment @ESET now goes to why a Web Content Filter is important. Uhh...

"One blocks or sets time limits on social media." If your employer does this, quit and get a job that treats you like an adult.

Now @ESET is telling me to be sure to install one to protect my kids.

This thread just shifted gears from "good natured" to "I actively wish harm upon @ESET."

Please tell me more about how to parent, you fucksticks.

"Switch off your Amazon Echo when doing work related things."

Again, "employment" does not equate to "you get to tell me how to behave in my own home."

Snitches get stitches, @ESET. This is once again Not My Job as an employee.

Cultural appropriation what now, @ESET?

It's not even a good game!

Sure is a lot of advice here that's only applicable to the physical office we don't have.

Yeah, I'm gonna challenge some beefy looking dude in a UPS uniform, @eset. It turns out I've reviewed my compensation and it nowhere near covers getting my shit rocked by an intruder.

"If someone reaches out to you first, it's suspicious."

Well yeah. The kind of corporate IT folks who subscribe to @ESET flat out don't do "proactive" in any sense. File a ticket, they'll get back to you eventually. Maybe.

Pretty sure the villain here is the mandated password rotation policy, @ESET. You'll find @NIST agrees with me.

The correct answer here is to track down your son's friend and break his little thumbs.

My god this artwork.

And nonsense complete and bahahahaha oh my god @ESET. "Here's how to fill out a badge for LinkedIn that doesn't actually validate a goddamned thing." Seems about right for your clownshoes level of technical understanding.

Please spare me from this in 2023, Twitter.

https://twitter.com/QuinnyPig/status/1483184236982988804