PAEDOPHILIA IN THE MODERN BRITISH ESTABLISHMENT: A BRIEF HISTORY
Nonce. Perv. Namby-Pamby. Free Willy. Slot Badger. Bush Dodger. Peepin’ Jim. Small Bean Regarder. Pump Pant Pilot. Bunty Man… PEDO!
Just how deepseated is wanton noncery in the British Establishment?
THREAD
Otter bothering was an unspoken part of Britain’s elite boarding school culture. Boys quickly learnt to stay on their toes around schoolmasters, who would hide in elaborate locations, like cupboards and under beds, and leap out on unsuspecting students in an attempt to nonce them
Britain’s entry into the open borders EU was lead by a Secret Society in London’s glitzy Pall Mall who revered the pederastic slave boy noncing of the classical world, known as the ‘Fiddlers’ Century Club’, to secure for themselves a steady supply of Eastern European batty boys
Pant Budgie Supremo Ted Heath used to have shipments of working class boys delivered to his office in No.10 from local Comprehensives, smuggled in in disguise in giant ming vases staffers dubbed ‘Kinder Surprises’ which he would smash open with a mallet to extract his sick prize
Heath’s proclivities were a source of embarrassment for his successor Mrs Thatcher. She insisted Heath be locked in a room with representatives from a Paedophile Survivors Charity to help ‘beat out his sickness’, but events ended in tragedy when Heath nonced the entire delegation
Recalling the episode for her memoirs, Mrs Thatcher said “It was the one thing we didn’t want to happen”
The culture of raucous, gratuitous noncing didn’t stop at No.10: its lubricated tentacles stretched into the BBC. Jimmy Saville was infamously given license fee money to procure boys known as ‘Jimmy’s Angels’ who would be drugged with a pill informally called ‘Saville’s Delight’
Oxford University is infamous for its noncing societies. Though David Cameron denied ever being part of the elite Robert de Vere Society, (named after Richard II’s pit munching advisor,) rumours abound he participated in the group’s sick working class spazz noncing hazing ritual
To ensure Party unity, Alastair Campbell blackmailed new MPs. Candidates would be blindfolded and taken nominally to chat with Rolf Harris. With cameras rolling, Harris would let them ‘have a go’ on his ‘Wobbleboard’. But they were actually ‘having a go’ on small Vietnamese boys
The Rotherham noncings did not directly involve the Establishment but the institutional failure to give the Biriyani Bum Bandits the stairwell bashing they had coming to them proved damning, especially so when the chief investigator was himself caught in a Log Flume-based noncing
Prince Andrew’s ties to international shrub rocketeer Jeffrey Epstein are well known but less known is the deal he ‘cut’ with his father Philip. Fond of older, sinewy ‘marks’, Andrew was given free rein to ‘bag’ young Duke of Edinburgh Awardees at the scheme’s Award Ceremonies
The Crown Prince of Todgertown would load the ‘bags’ into the back of a Vauxhall Astra and drive them out of London, sometimes as far afield as Swindon or Kettering, where elaborate sick noncing dungeons were installed in the basements of several decoy branches of Pizza Express
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The Finalists for the TOP 100 women of the year have been announced! The Awards this year have highlighted 100 of the most inspirational women on the Planet, (as you can read below,) but who is on the list of the TOP 100 Women of the Year and what are their achievements?
Rwanda’s first Professional Women’s Darts player, she is also only the 8th woman to hit a score of over 100 points in one round in the East African regional Women’s professional darts scene
Samantha Miller
This year, Samantha lost over 27 pounds (12KG) in weight through a combination of Zumba, Circuit Training and dieting
THREAD: Who are Modern Britain’s Key Median Voters?
When politicians seek out tips from Britain’s top pollsters they are often advised to tailor their campaigns to appeal to archetypes of average voters like the famous Mondeo Man. But who are those key voters in today’s Britain?
Gig Economy Man
Generational term for males employed in digital white collar professions referring to their App-based cultural milieu, though some may work ‘gigs’. Is ‘extremely online’ and regularly checks the latest political news on his news Apps. Interested in the blockchain
Netflix Woman
Middle to lower income woman in 20s or 30s based in London or other large city who frequently watches Netflix or another major streaming service like Disney Plus or Amazon Prime. Generally disinterested in politics but may be passionate about social justice causes
David Frum is a former speechwriter for George Bush and coined the term ‘Axis of Evil’ during the Iraq War, which he was a staunch advocate of. Nowadays he is a weird ideologue and troll on Twitter