David Burge Profile picture
Feb 4, 2022 12 tweets 3 min read Read on X
Fuck the Olympics
I am enthusiastically going to miss every goddamn second of them, you corporate totalitarian-fluffers
Don't miss the Xtreme stars going for the Toyota® gold in rad freestyle snowboarding on the Olympic® Games presented by Visa® exclusively on NBC and NBCSN! Download the Peacock® streaming app from Apple® or Google® !
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*may contain propaganda, slave labor, and virus labs
This is an event so momentous and spectacular it took all of the world's creepiest corporate and government supervillains working together to bring it to you
Congrats to Ming Zhou and Li Chaoxiang of China for advancing to the medal round in Pairs Journalist Arresting
And right on cue, this garbage website auto-emojis #Olympics #OpeningCeremony #Beijing2022 for you, like good little totalitarian pep squad bootlickers
I award you 1.5 social credits, beep boop

Machine learning developed at the Guanzhou Institute of Advanced Groovy American Teen Slang Talk
In fairness to Milkshake Duck, people only happy-tweeted about him *before* they found out he was a racist Image
Leni Reifenstahl's Olympia 2022, presented by Nike
Always a good idea to be a gracious guest, especially when your host runs a slave labor dungeon in his basement
Please note: network ad buys now often have audience size guarantees. If the audience is smaller than guarantee, the network ends having to make-good with free spots on other programs.

Be a real shame if NBC had to run a year-long fire sale on their ad inventory due to this

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More from @iowahawkblog

Nov 11
Stopped by Beau & Dave’s clubhouse to see my ol’ nemesis the Orbitron Image
The Roach Coach, designed by Ed Newton/ built by Dan Woods & Jim Jacobs in 1972-77. Powered by a Ford DOHC Indy engine. Built for Roach Industries of T-shirt and “Odd Rods” sticker fame Image
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The most Freudian car ever, the Pink Panthermobile. Promo show car for the Pink Panther Saturday morning cartoon Image
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Nov 8
How long is it still cool to shoplift $999 of merchandise in California? Asking for a friend
The thing that irks me about the $1000 shoplifting limit is it forces people to do math while in a hurry. What if they innocently grabbed $1027 of stuff, and now have to go to jail because they forgot to carry the 1 or something?
Honestly I think there should be like a 5% margin of error leniency, or at least return the $30 item that pushed them over. That way everybody is happy
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Nov 6
I can't believe the chicken entrails were wrong
There were models and graphs and everything
Not even the Gold Standard Mysterious Iowa Lady could have forseen this Image
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Oct 30
She must complete the 30 minute LinkedIn training video How Not To Leak Israeli Military Plans to Iran before being reinstated as head of the US Department of Not Leaking Israeli Military Plans
Hi, I'm Dave Burge of DaveCo Security Solutions. In this informative training video we'll look at ways you, and your organization, can avoid sending sensitive Israeli military plans to Iran. Afterwards there will be a brief quiz to check you comprehension. Ready? Let's go!
In the following scenario, Bob and Margaret are at a coffee shop discussing some sensitive Israeli military planning documents, while using the coffee shop's unsecured wi-fi.
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Oct 29
For the first time in my life, I literally just yelled "get off my property" at somebody. It was absolutely cathartic, and I've never felt more Texan
no twitter shtick here. I have my own private haunted woods around my shack and there's been a bigass construction thing going on beyond them. it's been making dust and noise for a few months, which has been an annoyance, but whaddaya gonna do. Anyway a couple of guys from the site, in hardhats and yellow vests, hopped my fence and started walking around my property scoping the site and what. That's when I snapped and went into fist shaking angry old man mode
Yeah them varmints skee-daddled
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Oct 26
Happy Homecoming parade season from #DavesCarIDService, brought to you today by Food King and DePasto Oldsmobile. Drop in to DePasto Olds and ask Carmine for great deals on a new '63 Dynamic 88, or a pre-owned creampuff like this '61 Buick Electra convertible! Image
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*of course I would be remiss to not mention the Faber homecoming parade car that spurred mayhem at Mayor DePasto's showroom, the Delta Deathmobile. a/k/a pledge Kent Dorfman's '64 Lincoln Continental loaned from his brother. A '64 is an anachronism given the timeline of the movie, but hey, I'll forgive them that.Image
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Ah, Homecoming, a sentimental time for alumni to gather to reminisce about old felonies committed, and maybe ride around in a bitchin' parade convertible. My old stomping grounds of Iowa City, which had their HC parade yesterday, is no exception - as evidenced by UI president Barbara Wilson in a 1963-67 Corvette Stingray, or this unidentified younger alumna in a more recent C7 or C6 'Vette.

photo creds: @UIAdvancement, @UIowaCLASImage
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Read 11 tweets

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