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David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 4, 2022 • 12 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
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Fuck the Olympics
I am enthusiastically going to miss every goddamn second of them, you corporate totalitarian-fluffers
Don't miss the Xtreme stars going for the Toyota® gold in rad freestyle snowboarding on the Olympic® Games presented by Visa® exclusively on NBC and NBCSN! Download the Peacock® streaming app from Apple® or Google® !
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*may contain propaganda, slave labor, and virus labs
This is an event so momentous and spectacular it took all of the world's creepiest corporate and government supervillains working together to bring it to you
Congrats to Ming Zhou and Li Chaoxiang of China for advancing to the medal round in Pairs Journalist Arresting
And right on cue, this garbage website auto-emojis #Olympics #OpeningCeremony #Beijing2022 for you, like good little totalitarian pep squad bootlickers
I award you 1.5 social credits, beep boop

Machine learning developed at the Guanzhou Institute of Advanced Groovy American Teen Slang Talk
In fairness to Milkshake Duck, people only happy-tweeted about him *before* they found out he was a racist Image
Leni Reifenstahl's Olympia 2022, presented by Nike
Always a good idea to be a gracious guest, especially when your host runs a slave labor dungeon in his basement
Please note: network ad buys now often have audience size guarantees. If the audience is smaller than guarantee, the network ends having to make-good with free spots on other programs.

Be a real shame if NBC had to run a year-long fire sale on their ad inventory due to this

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Jan 16
I'm not sure if you could possibly come up with a better example of an own-goal tweet
We you're having fun dunking on Trump's second-hand Nobel and this mf decides to join in Image
For everybody who's over the age of 12, behold the most undeserved Nobel Peace Prize of all time
bbc.com/news/world-eur…
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 13
Man this sounds awesome, do the Jews have an 800 number
brb, I'm downloading the Jewber app on my phone
"Your Jewber order will arrive in 3 minutes" Image
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 10
Happy Spindletop Day to all who celebrate from Dave's Car ID Service! 125 years ago today, the first major oil discover in the United States happened at the Spindletop oilfield outside Beaumont Texas, when the 200 foot high Lucas Gusher heralded a brave new world.

That bounty of dino juice created generations of brash new money Texas oil barons, paved the way for Exxon and Texaco, and largely ended the debate of gasoline powered vehicles vs steam vs electric. For better or for worse, the 20th century would be internally combusted.Image
Apologies for the slow start to my car identifyting rounds today, thus this thread intro will be short. But I will note that one of the coolest things that resulted from the Spindletop Big Bang was the rise of petroleum advertising signage. A few examples of which I shall now share, without elaborate explanation. Neon!Image
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Porcelain enamel! Image
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Read 11 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 7
Are you crying? THERE'S NO CRYING IN BOLSHEVIKBALL Image
All these pampered overrated 5 star suburban recruits from the Seven Sisters Conference turn out to be complete busts in the Professional Commie League
Image
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Dec 26, 2025
Ma'am "1984" was dystopian speculative fiction, not an instruction manual
Censorship is Speech

Stagnation is Vibrancy

I Won't Come In You Mouth
My rule of thumb is to never take seriously anybody who unironically uses the words "vibrant" or "robust"
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Dec 20, 2025
Fretting out a last minute gift for that car lover who has everything? Worry no more, today's Dave's Car ID Service has you covered with our annual Christmas Gift Guide!

Watch Dad's eyes light up when he rips open that box containing ginchy goodies to doll up his beloved 1936 Chevrolet! My favorites are the fender skirts, super deluxe hot water heater, and rear view mirror with clock. Don't let Dad down - demand Genuine Chevrolet Accessories!Image
But why only dads? Let's not be chauvinists here. Plenty of gearhead moms and other special gals who might appreciate an automotive gift under the tree. Why schlep to the mall for a mindless diamond trinket, negligee, or vaccuum cleaner when you could give her the gift of Fordite?

Yes, you read that right, "Fordite," a/k/a "Detroit Agate." Diamonds might be a girl's best friend, but Fordite is the thinking woman's diamond. Imagine all the other gals at the holiday cocktail bash going green with envy when she shows up sporting earring, pendants, and bracelets made out of these unique-as-a-diamond babies. Little do those jealous Janes realize they're made out of the polished hardened slag from old Detroit car factory paint booths!Image
Smoke 'em if you got 'em! If that special gearhead of yours also enjoys puffing away like Bogart or Bacall, how about a vintage Firestone tire ashtray? The one in #1 is from the 1933-34 Chicago World's Fair.

If your gift budget is a little more copious, your little lady will go ga-ga for a 1942 DeSoto cigarette-dispensing steering wheel. A valuable safety feature that let her keep her eye on the road while lighting her lung dart.

But for the ultimate coffin nail car gift, how about a genuine electric steering column-mounted Pres-a-Lite? A true wonder of Bakelite technology, it dispenses a LIT cigarette with a simple press of a button.

PS - don't forget to wrap them up with an accompanying carton of Chesterfields, the brand endorsed by Hollywood star Ronald Reagan!Image
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Read 14 tweets

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