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David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 4, 2022 • 12 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
Fuck the Olympics
I am enthusiastically going to miss every goddamn second of them, you corporate totalitarian-fluffers
Don't miss the Xtreme stars going for the Toyota® gold in rad freestyle snowboarding on the Olympic® Games presented by Visa® exclusively on NBC and NBCSN! Download the Peacock® streaming app from Apple® or Google® !
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*may contain propaganda, slave labor, and virus labs
This is an event so momentous and spectacular it took all of the world's creepiest corporate and government supervillains working together to bring it to you
Congrats to Ming Zhou and Li Chaoxiang of China for advancing to the medal round in Pairs Journalist Arresting
And right on cue, this garbage website auto-emojis #Olympics #OpeningCeremony #Beijing2022 for you, like good little totalitarian pep squad bootlickers
I award you 1.5 social credits, beep boop

Machine learning developed at the Guanzhou Institute of Advanced Groovy American Teen Slang Talk
In fairness to Milkshake Duck, people only happy-tweeted about him *before* they found out he was a racist Image
Leni Reifenstahl's Olympia 2022, presented by Nike
Always a good idea to be a gracious guest, especially when your host runs a slave labor dungeon in his basement
Please note: network ad buys now often have audience size guarantees. If the audience is smaller than guarantee, the network ends having to make-good with free spots on other programs.

Be a real shame if NBC had to run a year-long fire sale on their ad inventory due to this

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Dec 17
I watched the Netflix movie "Carry-On" last night and my god it might be the worst thing I have ever watched
I watched the whole thing, but the last 80% basically hate-watching to see how many ludicrous action movie tropes they could stuff into it
Spoiler alert: yes the ninja skilled TSA superhero goes full Tom Cruise and saves the day. Amazingly this was not written as a comedy

Read 6 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Dec 1
As the Thanksgiving weekend winds down and your leftovers disappear, I would like to commemorate the season in a very #DavesCarIDService way: with a salute to Mayflower-themed Plymouth and Native American-themed Pontiac.

#1: 1946 Plymouth hood crest
#2: 1929 Pontiac ornament Image
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Both Plymouth and Pontiac were relative latecomers to car making, and both were corporate-created brands aimed at a similar market niche. GM created Pontiac in 1926 as a low priced companion brand to Oakland, and Chrysler created Plymouth in 1928 as a low price alternative to Dodge.

And they were both created with a distinct branding identity: Plymouth redolent of proud Mayflower pilgrims, and Pontiac of proud Native Americans. "Pontiac" actually comes the Michigan city where the plant was located, but they played the Native American connotations to the hilt.
In the spirit of the season I will show some of the ornaments that displayed that pride. First, Plymouth with their increasingly stylized Mayflower:

1934, 1936, 1938, 1948. Alas, the Plymouth Mayflower was stylized out of existence in 1955. Image
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Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 29
Is there a German word for the hatred of other people enjoying things
I guess it would be freudeschaden
I suppose my kids got a lot of served a lot of unrequested Beatles in their music classes, but at least they didn't have to deal with that fucking Peter Paul & Mary folk music shit that I was faced with

Read 13 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 27
RIP to the great Jim Abrahams, of Zucker-Zucker-Abrahams fame. At the U of Wisconsin, they founded the Kentucky Fried Theater, that led to their first movie.

Later they returned to Madison and funded the absurdist Pail & Shovel Party to run for student government, with a campaign promise to bring the Statue of Liberty to campus. They made good on it with a replica on frozen Lake Mendota, and also installing over 1000 plastic pink flamingos on the campus quad.

Hail and farewell to a great Badger and a great prankster.Image
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btw the movie "AIRPLANE!" was based on was the forgettable 1957 melodrama "ZERO HOUR!" It's apretty hilarious to watch now because you realize AIRPLANE! mostly follows it scene by scene but with added gags. Image
The thing about Zucker-Zucker-Abrahams is they combined the two most powerful genres of comedy: Jewish and Midwestern.

Smirk all you want about Midwest humor but I'll just point to MST3000, the original Onion, John Hughes, and most of the original National Lampoon.
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 23
Only a few grocery shopping days left until Thanksgiving, so it's time for #DavesCarIDService to talk turkey!

The fate of this crated gobbler seems to be slowly dawning on him as his comrades are being unloaded from back of a 1947 Dodge 3/4 ton dually. Image
*the above illustration was from a 1947 Dodge truck ad. The '30s to '50s were sort of a high watermark for the advertising illustration arts, especially around the holidays. I've been able to find several delightful ones featuring our dimwitted but delicious Thanksgiving dinner guests of honor, like this one for the stunning 1939 LaSalle. Like the turkey, LaSalle had a short lived future; the brand was retired by GM after the 1940 model year.Image
What is the TURKEY'S magic power? For me, it's the power to make me fall asleep during a Detroit Lions game. But apparently this one has the magic power to grow to Godzilla proportions in the back of a 1939 International truck. Gobble gobble, who's Thanksgiving dinner now? Image
Read 8 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 22
James Bond is now employed by the supervillains
My pitch for the new Bond reboot, Die To Kill Again:

MI6 teams up with SPECTRE and assigns 007 a license to kill COWFART, a sinister organization of Cotswolds farmers hellbent on increasing global CO2 emissions by 0.000000023%
007: What weapons and Aston Martin will I have for the mission?

Q: You now drive this specially equipped invincible Jaguar, made of pure non-binary fashion models. Miss Moneypenny bring the keys.

Moneypenny: it's MISTER Moneypenny now, I am reporting you to HR
Read 16 tweets

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