David Burge Profile picture
Feb 4, 2022 12 tweets 3 min read Read on X
Fuck the Olympics
I am enthusiastically going to miss every goddamn second of them, you corporate totalitarian-fluffers
Don't miss the Xtreme stars going for the Toyota® gold in rad freestyle snowboarding on the Olympic® Games presented by Visa® exclusively on NBC and NBCSN! Download the Peacock® streaming app from Apple® or Google® !
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*may contain propaganda, slave labor, and virus labs
This is an event so momentous and spectacular it took all of the world's creepiest corporate and government supervillains working together to bring it to you
Congrats to Ming Zhou and Li Chaoxiang of China for advancing to the medal round in Pairs Journalist Arresting
And right on cue, this garbage website auto-emojis #Olympics #OpeningCeremony #Beijing2022 for you, like good little totalitarian pep squad bootlickers
I award you 1.5 social credits, beep boop

Machine learning developed at the Guanzhou Institute of Advanced Groovy American Teen Slang Talk
In fairness to Milkshake Duck, people only happy-tweeted about him *before* they found out he was a racist Image
Leni Reifenstahl's Olympia 2022, presented by Nike
Always a good idea to be a gracious guest, especially when your host runs a slave labor dungeon in his basement
Please note: network ad buys now often have audience size guarantees. If the audience is smaller than guarantee, the network ends having to make-good with free spots on other programs.

Be a real shame if NBC had to run a year-long fire sale on their ad inventory due to this

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More from @iowahawkblog

Feb 19
Stupidest, most brazen banana republic vote buying idea ever conceived. Every cent of waste cut should go to deficit reduction.
This is like having $100k of credit card debt, canceling your Netflix subscription, and then celebrating your newfound fiscal restraint by going on a Disney Cruise
Nobody who thinks they deserve this free $5000 from Uncle Sugar has never in their life paid $5000 in federal income tax
Read 10 tweets
Feb 14
Man, AI is somehow even more shit when it doesn't have any actual images to train on
"Grok, make me a picture of Hitler thunderdunking on Michael Jordan"
"I will use the cursed infidel's technology to make a picture of our invincible soldiers finally wiping the filthy Jew from the Earth!"

*Mossad intercepts his geo coordinates, remotely blows up his nuts*
Read 4 tweets
Feb 14
Oh man, that's an absolute tearjerker. Godspeed Orient-Macksburg High School.
Since I left many moons ago, many of the schools in the Old Country have closed/consolidated. Back in the day, Cooper DeJean's alma mater was 3 different schools: Odebolt-Arthur, Battle Creek, and Ida Grove. Now all consolidated as OABCIG.
Everly, Iowa HS closed and consolidated with another district, thereby depriving American sports of one of the best nicknames ever: the Cattlefeeders. Their girls' teams were the Cattlefeederettes.
Read 7 tweets
Jan 19
For every yin there's a yang. Yesterday's #DavesCarIDService indulged in some balmy tropical midcentury ad escapism from the frigid temps. But there are some hardy insane people who actually embrace this suck, so as a thematic bookend I offer some more ad images that put a happy face on the nonsense.

First up: a 1957 Oldsmobile 98 Fiesta coupe, the same car seen in yesterday's thread starter luxuriating in seaside splendor.Image
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Me, I lean 100% to picture #2. Whatever cold-hardened Teutonic-Viking-Midwestern blood ever once coursed through my veins has been utterly diluted by years of wimpy Texas winters. Even in Texas though there are those who can't wait for a ski getaway to the Colorado slopes (often to the chagrin of Coloradans).

Looks like this goo-goo eyed couple is headed for hot cocoa at the lodge in a 1960 Dodge Dart Phoenix.Image
Go have your fun winter-lovers, whether it's at Mt Stowe in a 1960 Studebaker Lark wagon (1), Sun Valley in a 1966 Mercury Park Lane (2) or some Disneyesque winter time fantasyland in a 1947 Ford (3). I know the whole Donner Party saga, so I'll be happily holed up inside on the couch watching football.Image
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Read 29 tweets
Jan 17
I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling Jews
Hey y'all where kin I talk to one of my fellow Rabbis? My name is Reverend Rabbi Travis... Garlandstein, yeah that's the ticket Image
Neo-Nazis are clearly on a mission to disprove white mental superiority

Read 9 tweets
Jan 16
This is America's revenge against China for Covid Image
Tik Tok: Pearl Harbor

Homeless Tik Tok garbage people flooding Chinese apps: Hiroshima
Mark my words: within 5 years Chinese teenagers will be unable to do math because of eating Tide Pods
Read 4 tweets

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