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David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 4, 2022 • 12 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
Fuck the Olympics
I am enthusiastically going to miss every goddamn second of them, you corporate totalitarian-fluffers
Don't miss the Xtreme stars going for the Toyota® gold in rad freestyle snowboarding on the Olympic® Games presented by Visa® exclusively on NBC and NBCSN! Download the Peacock® streaming app from Apple® or Google® !
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*may contain propaganda, slave labor, and virus labs
This is an event so momentous and spectacular it took all of the world's creepiest corporate and government supervillains working together to bring it to you
Congrats to Ming Zhou and Li Chaoxiang of China for advancing to the medal round in Pairs Journalist Arresting
And right on cue, this garbage website auto-emojis #Olympics #OpeningCeremony #Beijing2022 for you, like good little totalitarian pep squad bootlickers
I award you 1.5 social credits, beep boop

Machine learning developed at the Guanzhou Institute of Advanced Groovy American Teen Slang Talk
In fairness to Milkshake Duck, people only happy-tweeted about him *before* they found out he was a racist Image
Leni Reifenstahl's Olympia 2022, presented by Nike
Always a good idea to be a gracious guest, especially when your host runs a slave labor dungeon in his basement
Please note: network ad buys now often have audience size guarantees. If the audience is smaller than guarantee, the network ends having to make-good with free spots on other programs.

Be a real shame if NBC had to run a year-long fire sale on their ad inventory due to this

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Aug 30
A very happy week 1 college football Saturday from #DavesCarIDService! Today we pay tribute to those old timey, pep-talkin', vim & vinegar campus legends with a look at Coaches and Their Coaches.

First up: the GOAT of pep talks, Notre Dame's immortal Knute Rockne. Who also had an entire car brand named for him - behold the 1932 Rockne Model 65. Rockne was a product of Studebaker, also located in South Bend IN, and a quite handsome vehicle.

The Rockne brand only lasted 1932-33; Knute Rockne died in 1931 and was never photographed with one. But in #2 he's seen with a 1931 Studebaker and an unidentified member of the 1931 Irish squad.Image
Image
Another legend of the era was Amos Alonzo Stagg, coach of the mighty Maroons of the University of Chicago 1892-1932, here stiff-arming a 1919 Milburn Electric coupe wearing 1922 Illinois plates.

The car was a gift from U of C alumni. Stagg had suffered a back injury and it was difficult for him to walk, and he coached the 1919 team from the seat of the car on the sidelines.

Chicago was a member of the Big Ten at the time (and still is, sorta-kinda) and somewhat of a gridiron powerhouse. The first Heisman Trophy in 1935 was won by Chicago's Jay Berwanger. But in 1939 it abolished its football team, never to return to Division I competition.

Stagg Field at U of Chicago remains an important world historical site as site of the world's first controlled nuclear reaction. And the University still owns Stagg's 1919 Milburn.Image
When it came to old timey powerhouses, it didn't get more powerhousey than the Michigan Wolverine squads of Fielding "Hurry Up" Yost - seen here outside the Big House with his 1927 Packard sedan, another gift from grateful alumni.

Between 1901-23 and 25-26, Yost compiled a 165-29 record at Michigan with 6 mythical national championships. Four straight from 1901-1904, where his "point a minute" offense terrorized every opponent they faced. In the 1901 season, they outscored their 11 foes by a mindboggling 550-0. In 1902, they ran roughshod again, 11-0, outscoring opponents 644-12, including a 107-0 cakewalk over my beloved Hawkeyes.

It was bloodbath after bloodbath, year after year, until 1905 when Yost suffered his first defeat: a 2-0 shutout loss versus Stagg's Chicago Maroons.Image
Read 9 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Aug 21
Look, it you're going to group Cracker Barrel with Yves Saint Laurent and Balenciaga, I'm calling that a marketing win for Cracker Barrel
Coming soon: 6 month waiting list for reservations at the Cracker Barrels on Rodeo Drive, Bond Street, and the Champs Elysees
I had as much fun as anybody dragging the Jaguar ad, but the funniest thing about l'affaire Cracker Barrel Logo are the people absolutely losing their minds over it

Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Aug 9
Live from Chicago, it's #DavesCarIDService On The Road!

Today we salute my host city with a brief look back at the greatest car dealership strip ever assembled, Chicago's Automobile Row, a/k/a 1200-2800 South Michigan Avenue. Once home to dealers of 123 brands of automobiles. Image
Yes you read that correctly: one hundred and twenty-three different brands. Here's a shopper's guide in case you want to hop in the time machine and kick a few tires in 1912. Image
Fun fact: Chicago isn't called the "Windy City" because of some meteorological peculiarity, but because of its once famed braggadocio and boosterism. The tallest and most modern buildings, the biggest world's fair, and so on. That was in full effect in 1901 when the first automobile dealerships along South Michigan Avenue were being planned. Even though it was a fraction of the size of New York, it was a larger car market owing to its wide, grid-patterned streets and generally prosperity. Brother, what a golden opportunity for a go-getting salesman in the horseless carriage business!

But these weren't cheap asphalt lots with flapping plastic pennants. In the typical Windy City style of the time these were gorgeous, elegant, modern, clad in snazzy terra cotta and with bank lobby interiors to match. Witness the Locomobile showroom at 2000 South Michigan:Image
Read 23 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Aug 7
Hey Chicago, I’m here ya jagoffs
Poll: Most Chicagoish street name?
Wacker, Cermak, and Touhey sound like you’re hocking up a loogie, Dempster sounds like what you’re spitting it into
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Aug 2
Two days in a row a hotel breakfast buffets Image
I mean these aren’t Motel 7s or whatnot, these are pretty decent midscale pseudo boutique places. The problem is the people. At what point did we become a nation of carny trash
My favorite was the mom with her two ~8 year olds, wearing the “THICC and TIRED of These Bitches” t-shirt. No need to swing elbows milady, the sausage patties are yours
Read 9 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jul 28
I'm neither a Nazi nor a marketing expert, but gotta say that screaming that an attractive young woman in a blue jeans advertisement is Nazi-coded is probably the worst anti-Nazi campaign ever devised
To combat the rise in neo-Naziism might I suggest that instead of grad school deconstruction of Sydney Sweeney ads, you'd be better off using actual Nazis in a campaign I call "lol get a load of this ugly gay Nazi retard" Image
Back a million years ago a pseudo academic pseudo scientist wrote a best seller of his hallucination of secret titties airbrushed into ice cubes in ads. What we're seeing now is the same thing, except hallucination of secret swastikas airbrushed into ad titties Image
Read 6 tweets

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