"Emotional Blackmailers use fear, obligation and guilt, ensuring that others feel afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way and swamped by guilt if they resist."
"Knowing that someone wants love, approval or confirmation of identity and self-esteem, Emotional Blackmailers threaten to withhold them or take them away altogether, making the other person feel they must earn them by [coerced] agreement."
"'Fear, obligation or guilt' is commonly referred to as 'FOG'. FOG is an acronym—a play on the word 'fog' which describes something that obscures and confuses a situation or someone's thought processes [as in Emotional Blackmail]."
"The person who is acting in a controlling way often wants something from the other person that is legitimate to want. They may want to feel loved, safe, valuable, appreciated, supported, needed, etc. This is not the problem..."
"...The problem is often more a matter of how the Emotional Blackmailers are going about getting what they want, or that they are insensitive to others' needs in doing so that is troubling—and how others react to all of this."
"Under pressure, one may become a sort of hostage, forced to act under pressure of the threat of responsibility for the Emotional Blackmailer's breakdown."
"One can fall into a pattern of letting the blackmailer control his/her decisions and behavior, lost in what Doris Lessing described as 'a sort of psychological fog'."
"Forward and Frazier identify four Emotional Blackmail types each with their own mental manipulation style:
1. Punisher's threat - Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt you.
2. Self-punisher's threat - Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt myself.
..."
1. Punisher's threat - Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt you.
2. Self-punisher's threat - Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt myself.
..."
"...
3. Sufferer's threat - Eat the food I cooked for you. I was saving it for myself. I wonder what will happen now.
4. Tantalizer's threat - Eat the food I cooked for you and you just may get a really yummy dessert."
3. Sufferer's threat - Eat the food I cooked for you. I was saving it for myself. I wonder what will happen now.
4. Tantalizer's threat - Eat the food I cooked for you and you just may get a really yummy dessert."
"People with certain mental conditions are predisposed to Emotional Blackmail behavior including those with paranoid personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder."
"People with borderline personality disorder are particularly likely to use Emotional Blackmail. However, their actions may be impulsive and driven by fear and a desperate sense of hopelessness, rather than being the product of any conscious plan."
"Techniques for resisting Emotional Blackmail include strengthening personal boundaries, resisting demands, developing a power statement—the determination to stand the pressure—and buying time to break old patterns."
"One may feel guilty based on Emotional Blackmail, even while recognizing the guilt as induced and irrational; but still be able to resist overcompensating, and ignore the Emotional Blackmailer's attempt to gain attention by way of having a tantrum."
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