Time for my routine mammogram! Let’s see how the tech handles the Wombat Experience.
My first question is always “Is there an emergency release on this thing?”
My first question is always “Is there an emergency release on this thing?”
Got a very chatty tech, the best kind!
ME: Before you squish me, is there an emergency release on this thing in case of a fire?
TECH: Oh yes! It’s not like the old days. I knew a woman who got stuck in one.
ME: TELL ME MORE
ME: Before you squish me, is there an emergency release on this thing in case of a fire?
TECH: Oh yes! It’s not like the old days. I knew a woman who got stuck in one.
ME: TELL ME MORE
TECH: Well, I didn’t see it, but the power went out and the compression is supported to release, but it did not! So she was stuck in compression.
ME: My god! I hope it wasn’t a long power outage!
TECH: I don’t think it was. I hope.
*awkward pause*
TECH: So, left breast first…
ME: My god! I hope it wasn’t a long power outage!
TECH: I don’t think it was. I hope.
*awkward pause*
TECH: So, left breast first…
ME: Okay, but if the power goes out, I’m trusting you that I won’t have to gnaw my boob off.
TECH: No, no! It releases.
ME: ‘Cos that’s some Serpent & the Rainbow shit right there.
TECH: *nods politely as she is much too young to know what that is*
TECH: No, no! It releases.
ME: ‘Cos that’s some Serpent & the Rainbow shit right there.
TECH: *nods politely as she is much too young to know what that is*
TECH: And breathe…and hold it…don’t move, don’t breathe…we did have a woman faint in the machine once.
ME: Really?
TECH: Yes, she was in compression and then she just fainted and the tech was screaming for someone to come get her out because she fell down, but in compression!
ME: Really?
TECH: Yes, she was in compression and then she just fainted and the tech was screaming for someone to come get her out because she fell down, but in compression!
ME: She fainted and fell backward while her boob was still…?
TECH: That’s why the tech was screaming!
ME: Whoa.
TECH: *cheerfully* Now the 45 degree angle!
MACHINE: *clamps my tit like hell’s waffle iron*
TECH: And breathe…and hold!
TECH: That’s why the tech was screaming!
ME: Whoa.
TECH: *cheerfully* Now the 45 degree angle!
MACHINE: *clamps my tit like hell’s waffle iron*
TECH: And breathe…and hold!
Fortunately for all of us, this place has the new super high-tech screening thing that only takes about ten seconds a squish. The first time I got a mammogram, in the old school machine, was an Experience.
Mister Clampy took a very long time. I asked the tech what would happen in a fire and once she recovered, she rose beautifully to the occasion. “Honey, this thing is on wheels. If there’s a fire, you are comin’ with me!”
ME: No boob left behind!
ME: No boob left behind!
She also said that nobody had ever asked to come behind the little desk and look at their boob photo before, which I found astonishing. That’s my boob! Show me the cysts! I wanna see!
Anyhow, I highly recommend asking your techs in any field about weird stuff at their job. Ninety percent of them are delighted to talk to you.
(Well, they’re delighted to talk to me, anyway. It’s absolutely possible I give off a Tell Me Your Horror Story vibe.)
(Well, they’re delighted to talk to me, anyway. It’s absolutely possible I give off a Tell Me Your Horror Story vibe.)
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