My kid came out as trans on the eve of #PinkShirtDay in 2014. For those who don't know this story, let me sum it up for you because there's a lesson in here.
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1/
#PinkShirtDay is a day where people wear pink (largely in schools but also other places) as a stand against bullying, homophobia, transphobia etc.
Being a parent with ADHD, I took my kids out the night before to hunt for shirts because I forgot about it until the last minute.
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Being a parent with ADHD, I took my kids out the night before to hunt for shirts because I forgot about it until the last minute.
2/
Our youngest (7 at the time) was getting upset because there was no pink in the "boys'" department. He was ranting about how pink is just a colour, and why is it mostly for girls, and why can't he just wear what he wants because he really likes pink?
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3/
So I was like "Yeah, buddy. You're right. It is just a colour, and everyone should be able to wear whatever they want." I was basically telling him everyone's gender expression is valid without using that term because I didn't know it yet. He felt good hearing that.
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4/
I didn't know it at the time, but a few weeks before, our then 11-year-old had started trying to figure out why they didn't feel like a boy, had never felt like a boy, and was struggling so hard with trying to tell us.
Hearing those words from me was the catalyst for them.
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Hearing those words from me was the catalyst for them.
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That night, they wrote us an email and came out. We immediately went into their room, hugged them, told them we love them.
But for a while after, I wondered they they hadn't told us sooner. Why had they kept this inside for so long?
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But for a while after, I wondered they they hadn't told us sooner. Why had they kept this inside for so long?
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"Because I didn't know how you would feel about it," our then-11-year-old told me. "There are lots of stories online from trans people who told their parents and thought they would be accepting, but the parents weren't. And now they don't have a family."
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7/
We had always considered ourselves openminded, accepting parents. But I realized then that, while we had made it clear we would always accept our children's sexual orientations, we had never specifically mentioned gender identity or expression.
Our kid was waiting for that.
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Our kid was waiting for that.
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When parents ask me what they can do to create a home where their children know they will always be safe and loved, I tell them to be specific. Specifically mention that you support trans and non-binary people. Be clear that you will truly love your kids unconditionally.
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Show them when you learn something new. Tell them about old beliefs you let go of because they were wrong. Demonstrate growth. Have conversations. Listen to them. Make room for them to be who they are. It really matters. It mattered to my child. Wish I had done it sooner.
10/10
10/10
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