Thread by @ElevatedStory

Kids need fathers.

Not dictators.

Here's how I get my "strong-willed" 5yo to listen to me — without crushing his spirit.

↓↓↓

"Not a choice"

My son wanted to call me from school.

That was his teacher's response.

So now...

He's being homeschooled.

And it's a breeze.

Why?

My son and I were quarantined for 8 months back in 2020.

We found our pattern.

But it was hard at first.

He was 3 when his pre-school shut down.

I was working remotely.

And there were NO feasible babysitting options.

As you can imagine...

It was a shitshow.

The truth is...

Netflix did a LOT of the heavy lifting those first 2 weeks.

But this wasn't serving him.

I had to get crystal clear on my role as a father.

I like how William put it:

https://twitter.com/williampepera/status/1495770552266813444

That's the parenting game.

And that was my focus during quarantine.

Now?

I couldn't ask for a better relationship with my son.

Here are 3 lessons I learned back in 2020:

First...

My son doesn't take direct orders.

He'll always find a way to rebel.

So while we were quarantined…

We made a checklist of things to do every day — for both of us.

And e wrote it on a whiteboard (and wall) together.

This gave him a sense of independence.

It also positioned me as an advisor.

Not a boss.

Lesson 1 — Decentralized Authority

The less I demand of him — the more he values what I say.

The checklist is sovereign.

Second...

My son loves motorcycles.

He learned to ride a two-wheel bike when he was 4.

And he talks about buying his own motorcycle all the time.

He wouldn't take his slimy DHA vitamin when I tried to bribe him with TV.

But now...

He takes it every day.

Because he understands how DHA vitamins can help him be a better biker.

Same with reading.

He won't read "Green Eggs and Ham"

But if it's about bikes (or dinosaurs) — he's all over it.

Lesson 2 — Passion Anchoring

Everything I need him to do...

I find a way to tie it to his passion.

Last one.

He wanted to scoot in the street.

This was a busy NYC street with a ruthless bike lane.

And of course...

I said no.

Because it's dangerous.

And we were 5-minutes away from the park - where it's safe.

But what did he do?

He threw himself on the ground and cried.

Now usually...

I would try to calm him down right away with...
•A hug
•A snack
•A logical explanation.

But this time...

I sat him on a nearby bench and kept him safe.

Then...

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until he calmed down on his own and said...

"I don't know why I cried like that."

Then he cleaned himself up.

And we continued on to the park.

Lesson 3 — Sit in the fire.

He processed his own feelings.

And he gets better at it every day.

All he needed from me was patience.

Quarantine parenting lessons TLDR:

1. Decentralized Authority
2. Passion Anchoring
3. Sit in the fire.

That's the thread.

My name is Lamar.

I tweet about Story.

Follow me @elevatedstory if you're into that.

Also...

Retweet the first tweet to spread the fatherly camaraderie.

One more thing...

https://twitter.com/tibo_maker/status/1496522787787358212

Parenting in quarantine took a LOT of emotional bandwidth.

I couldn't have pulled it if I hadn't fixed Doctor Keys' mistake.

https://twitter.com/ElevatedStory/status/1488873875731537926