I have terrible vision.
Over the last 15 years or so, my vision has repeatedly hit the maximum correction contacts could offer and then gotten worse just as contacts improved enough to keep pace.
It’s my deteriorating eyes in a race against Bausch & Lomb.
1/
Over the last 15 years or so, my vision has repeatedly hit the maximum correction contacts could offer and then gotten worse just as contacts improved enough to keep pace.
It’s my deteriorating eyes in a race against Bausch & Lomb.
1/
Went to the eye doc today.
No joke, with my contacts out, they didn’t even bother trying to have me read the eye chart.
They held up fingers a few feet away from me. I knew it was between 1 and 5.
Beyond that, your guess is as good as mine.
2/
No joke, with my contacts out, they didn’t even bother trying to have me read the eye chart.
They held up fingers a few feet away from me. I knew it was between 1 and 5.
Beyond that, your guess is as good as mine.
2/
So, I have now bested what soft contact technology has to offer.
Out in the hallway, a conference takes place. In hushed tones, I hear them talking about how they couldn’t get me to better than maybe 20:40 or 20:50… WITH CONTACTS.
That sounded un-good.
3/
Out in the hallway, a conference takes place. In hushed tones, I hear them talking about how they couldn’t get me to better than maybe 20:40 or 20:50… WITH CONTACTS.
That sounded un-good.
3/
Side Note: Ever notice how my birding pictures are mainly of big birds? That’s because I can’t see the small ones.
Anyway, Doctor comes in… Now, bear in mind, I still had my contacts out and don’t have glasses, so I couldn’t see a thing during this consult…
4/
Anyway, Doctor comes in… Now, bear in mind, I still had my contacts out and don’t have glasses, so I couldn’t see a thing during this consult…
4/
I have literally no idea what this doctor looks like. She sounded really nice though. I like her more than my last eye doc (who I *could* see).
Anyway, Dr comes in to talk with me…
In a highly empathetic tone like she is breaking bad news, she tells me I have cataracts.
5/
Anyway, Dr comes in to talk with me…
In a highly empathetic tone like she is breaking bad news, she tells me I have cataracts.
5/
I am 51.
She’s go on to explain in the same empathetic tone that at some point I will need cataract surgery, yadda yadda but I shouldn’t worry because it’s largely routine and I don’t have to do that now and the risks are low and on and on.
I am not a panicker.
6/
She’s go on to explain in the same empathetic tone that at some point I will need cataract surgery, yadda yadda but I shouldn’t worry because it’s largely routine and I don’t have to do that now and the risks are low and on and on.
I am not a panicker.
6/
I don’t get worked up about shit I don’t understand. I seek first to understand it.
After all “There will be time enough for counting when the dealing is done.”
Kenny Rogers sang that in “The Gambler”. It doesn’t really fit here but just feels right plus it’s a good song.
7/
After all “There will be time enough for counting when the dealing is done.”
Kenny Rogers sang that in “The Gambler”. It doesn’t really fit here but just feels right plus it’s a good song.
7/
So, Dr. Shah finishes pre-consoling me and I launch into a litany of clarifying questions.
- what does the surgery entail?
- what is the expected outcome?
- what if my vision worsens afterwards?
And she says “We open the cornea, remove your lens and replace it…”
8/
- what does the surgery entail?
- what is the expected outcome?
- what if my vision worsens afterwards?
And she says “We open the cornea, remove your lens and replace it…”
8/
“…and can usually get someone to perfect correction… and that’s it barring unrelated issues like glaucoma.”
And then the fuzzy shape speaking warmly to me paused as if she had relayed a great deal of scary information and I said…
9/
And then the fuzzy shape speaking warmly to me paused as if she had relayed a great deal of scary information and I said…
9/
“You mean to tell me, I have outpatient surgery and then have somewhere around 20:20 vision WITHOUT CONTACTS?!? MY GOD, CATARACTS SOUND AMAZING!! YES, SIGN ME UP FOR CATARACTS!”
Y’all, I pop a couple Xan and wake up able to read the clock radio.
Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?
Y’all, I pop a couple Xan and wake up able to read the clock radio.
Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?
Cataracts, where have you been all my life?
Sweet fancy Moses.
Outpatient surgery! Great vision!
And I get to wear those big-ass sunglasses for a few days!
I don’t think they’re required but when in Rome.
11/
Sweet fancy Moses.
Outpatient surgery! Great vision!
And I get to wear those big-ass sunglasses for a few days!
I don’t think they’re required but when in Rome.
11/
Anyhoo, I have cataracts.
And it won’t be tmrw but someday in the future, I am likely to have surgery and likely to emerge seeing better than I have since I was nine.
I could have hugged Dr. Shah but she was just a blurry shape and I couldn’t read the room.
Go, Cataracts!
//
And it won’t be tmrw but someday in the future, I am likely to have surgery and likely to emerge seeing better than I have since I was nine.
I could have hugged Dr. Shah but she was just a blurry shape and I couldn’t read the room.
Go, Cataracts!
//
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