Thread by @Mammals_Suck

Tonight's hurlyburly is writ in part from the dubious knowledge from Edward Topsell's History of Four-Foot'd Beasts (1607) & History of Serpents (1608) for 1658's then definitive 1000-page barn-burner of a natural history compendium #YeOldeTimeyBattle #ExhibitionGames #2022MMM

Topsell collected writings from Conradus Gesner & other authors to integrate & evaluate many terms & descriptions, at times appropriately skeptical but also at times overly credulous #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM loc.gov/resource/rbcto…

Although Topsell's Beastiary was not as systematic as the Bauhin brothers a hundred years before or Linnaeus a hundred years later... #YeOldeTimeBattle #2022MMM

These and similar books demonstrate people's great fascination with the natural world and unfamiliar animals (& human cognitive adaptations for credulity about dangerous animals). #YeOldeTimeBattle #2022MMM

This was the ear of Shakespeare. While many are familiar with Shakespeare's rhetorical use of birds & domestic animals, did you know 2/3rds of his plays mention monkeys or apes!? #TheFamousApe #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM mammalssuck.blogspot.com/2012/04/simian…

Given that Topsell's beastiary was rife with balductum & balderdash, I struggled to select only two combatants for tonight's #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

Full disclosure: I almost went with the "second kinde of hyena- Papio... when they grow very hungry from the constraint of famine they enter Graves of men and eat their dead bodies." Also, "they are exceedingly delighted by Music" #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

TONIGHT'S #YeOldeTimeyBattle is...
EUROPEAN LYNX VS. CRESTED PORCUPINE!!!! #2022MMM

We set our scene in early Medieval times during the 7th Century, in the remnant woodland forests of the Craven area of present-day Yorkshire. #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM (Hetherington et al. 2006) researchgate.net/profile/Tom-Lo…

An incidental roe deer, denizen of our forest, forages quietly in the understory. #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

Lynx "being present is most quiet... a beast as ravening as a wolf, but more crafty" "In the top of his ears... a tuft... the tail was of equal bignefs & thicknefs, but in the tip thereof it is black... bright eyes, a nimble and chearful face" #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

The lynx "is up in the trees and there to lie in wait for his prey" and "suddenly leaps to the neck" of the roe deer. #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

"Wherein <the Lynx> fixes his claws" such that 'no violence of the roe deer can shake the Lynx off' #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

"and with the sharpness of teeth, the lynx biteths most cruelly and deep...
into the skull and eats out the brains...
the meat goeth directly to the belly straight through the maw" #InsatiableVoracity
#YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

But soft! What wind through yonder thicket rustles?!
#YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

The "thorny hog", the "spiny pig", the "hedgehog of the mountain"... THE PORCUPINE!!!
#ABeastByAnyOtherNameWouldStabAsDeep
#YeOldTimeyBattle #2022MMM

"Although the Lynx be long afflicted with hunger, yet when eating having heard a noise... causes Lynx to turn about from his meat." #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

Apparently lacking object permanence, "Lynx forgets the roe deer notwithstanding his hunger and goes to seek another booty." #OutOfSightOutOfMind #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

The Porcupine, "with fore-feet like the feet of a badger, and hinder-feet like the feet of a bear, it hath a <quill> mane standing up... in well-formed distinguised ranks, being sharp at the points like a knife." #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

The Lynx is a "quick-moving creature, and can not stand still in a place..." #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

The Porcupine's "pace is very slow and troublesome" and now "being hunted, stretcheth his skin and casteth off the quills one... two at a time according to necessity upon the Lynx with such violence..."
#YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

THWINK!!!!
"THE SPINES ARE STUCK INTO TREES AND WOOD!!"
(punctuation, capitalization added for dramatic effect)
#YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

"Hidden in his skin until he be angry" the Lynx's claws appear, ready to fight or climb... and destroy his enemy..." #SNIKT #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

THWUNK!!!
#2022MMM #YeOldeTimeyBattle

"or sawl yt gyrhaedei dy dat ty ae gicwein, o wythwch a llewyn a llwyuein, nyt anghei oll ny uei oradein"
-Peis Dinogat, Old Welsh Lullaby
#2022MMM #YeOldeTimeyBattle

Peis Dinogat, a 7th Century lullaby, tells the tale of the baby wrapped in a smock of mustelid skins whose father is a great hunter with spear & club
#2022MMM #YeOldeTimeyBattle

"Whatever your father would hit with his spear, whether wild pig or lynx or fox, nothing that was without wings would escape" #2022MMM #YeOldeTimeyBattle en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinogad%2…

Lynx looks down upon the spear through his body, impale-pinned to the trunk of his own ambush perch. #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

"Upon seeing himself taken, the Lynx sends forth tears and weeps very plentifully." #YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

The hunter notices the watchful porcupine, but the 'only use of any part of the porcupine is the quill for scraping of teeth such that they never be loose or for women to part asunder the hair on the top of their crown.' #DentalHygiene #MiddleAgesPart
#YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

Whereas the lynx's parts are very valuable indeed 'the pelt is worth three nobles, heating and grinding the claws into powder can cure one of lust and itchiness, and the "urine of this beast is counted very medicinal." #YeOldeTimeBattle #2022MMM

PORCUPINE OUTLASTS LYNX!!!!!
#YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

"And herewithall I conclude this short discourse of the hedg-hog." -Topsell at the conclusion of his section on the porcupine #ForReal
#YeOldeTimeyBattle #2022MMM

Join us back here tomorrow night for the first ever Kid Narrator Battle by @mmm_kid #ExhibitionGames #2022MMM

@threadreaderapp unroll thread please. :-D