Thread by @0ceanlocked

@testnight1 made me do it so let’s enjoy some #kiribaku angst shall we?

CW: SFW for now / angst / canonverse / I’m a sucker for happy endings but idk where this is going so I’ll make no such promises.

Kirishima had fucked up, he’d really, really fucked up.

They weren’t the type of couple to quarrel often, though of course through the years they’d had their fair share of arguments, but none had ever been like this one.

He stood alone in the darkness of their apartment as a storm battered the windows. He didn’t remember when it’d started raining, hell, he didn’t even remember why they had started fighting in the first place.

All he could remember were the last words he said to Katsuki and the blond’s expression just before he walked out the door.

“Fuck!” His voice cracked as he sank to his knees, hand shooting out to the floor-to-ceiling window searching for something to hold him.

For a second he thought he’d broken the window or that it’d been open this entire time, why else would his cheeks be damp? There was no way he could be crying, after all how could he when he was to blame for his own sorrow? Katsuki had left him and it was all his fault.

“What have I done?” He sobbed in a quiet whisper into the darkness as his tears mimicked the rain falling endlessly from his eyes.

Lightning stroke followed by the crack of thunder, but not even that could silence the memories rumbling in his mind.

“Then what is even the point Katsuki?!” His screams echoed in the quiet apartment. “What is the fucking point of this?! Of us?! If this is how you feel why don’t you get the fuck out of here?” The blond simply stared back at him in shock, “Why haven’t you left already?!”

Katsuki didn’t reply, something shifted in his expression but before Eijirou could react to his own words, before he could take them back like he intended immediately after uttering them, a single tear ran down Katsuki’s cheek and he turned around to leave.

He stormed out the door, barely stopping long enough to roughly pull on whatever shoes he found first, leaving Eijirou full of regret and unspoken word in his throat.

Of course it wasn’t the first time he’d ever seen Katsuki cry, they’d been together for over five years and in that time he’d seen nearly every facet of the blond’s personality, every expression his beautiful features could produce.

From the furrowed brows and quivering pout of frustration, the bright and wrinkled eyes and cackling of his earnest laughter, to the scrunched up face and soft gasps of delighted pleasure… all of which were accompanied by tears of their own.

But he’d never seen Katsuki’s face like this, and even worse was to know that he was the reason for it.

In the few seconds between Eijirou’s ugly words and his departure, Katsuki’s expression was completely blank. When that single crystal drop fell from his carmine eyes, he looked truly defeated, like there was absolutely nothing left worth fighting for in the world.

But then he’d turned away and left, and Eijirou hadn’t followed after him. How could he, when he had just caused such a terrible feeling to darken the face of the love of his life?

Katsuki was gone and Eijirou had nobody to blame but himself.

Two weeks had already passed and he still hadn’t heard from the blond. He’d texted him to no avail and tried calling at least twice a day the first week but after not getting any response from him dragged him in a spiral he limited himself to sending him a good day/night text.

That first night when he hadn’t come back he figured Katsuki had gone home or to one of their friends, he’d caught glimpses of conversations about him being on patrol the next day over his own coms. They were pro-heroes, they couldn’t just drop their jobs because of a fight.

So he hadn’t worried then. When Katsuki hadn’t come back to their place that night though, then it’d really downed on him that his boyfriend /really/ wasn’t coming back. That’s when he snapped and started calling him frantically, breathing shallow and tears staining his face.

A couple of hours later his phone had died, the landline rung as he trashed the bedroom looking for his charger.

“Katsuki?!” He whimpered into the phone, hardened hand almost crushing the contraption into tiny little pieces.

“Stop calling him Kirishima-kun,” Midoriya’s voice sounded muffled through the speaker, clearly not wanting to be heard.

“He’s with you?!” Eijirou pleaded, “please let me talk to him.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Izuku sighed. “He didn’t even want me to call you, but I figured I let you know he’s safe.” The sound of a door clicking shut sounded in the background. “I’m not even sure if I should ask but… what happened?”

“He… he didn’t tell you?” He stuttered.

“No… forget I asked, I gotta go.” The line died after he said that. Eijirou considered calling back, even going to Midoriya’s place in person but his body wouldn’t move. Why hadn’t Katsuki told Midoriya what had happened? What Eijirou had said?

He was paralyzed with a strange tightness in his chest. The optimistic mask he put on for the world called it hope, that it meant he would come back, would forgive him, that he didn’t want others to hate him. Pragmatism told him he just didn’t want anyone else in his business.

So, he cried and plugged his phone in the charger that had been plugged on Katsuki’s side of the bed all along, he always made sure Eijirou’s phone was charging before they went to bed.

When the screen lit up again, there were no new notifications so he sent a good night text and continued to cry himself to sleep.

Now that two weeks had passed and the blond had yet to show his face at their apartment, each day that passed feeding that tightness in his chest.

Eijirou wasn’t the cheerful idiot the world thought him to be, he knew that Katsuki would have just bought new clothes by now, and more importantly he knew he didn’t deserve forgiveness. He’d broken Katsuki’s heart, he’d pushed him away when he’d promised he never would.

He’d patrolled that morning with his heart in his throat and his head running a mile a minute over every single word he’d uttered fourteen days ago. Earlier when he’d checked his phone to send Katsuki a good morning text the “Delivered” under his last message turned into “Read”.

“It’s like I spent the last five years getting to know someone else!” His mind yelled at him while he held down a low level villain to the ground.

“You acted like you’d changed all this time!” He punched a villain with metal quirk through a wall. “Like you’d grown into the man I always knew you could be!“ He heard explosions behind him as his breath caught in his chest, throat closing up, vision blurring.

“Like the man I thought I loved.” The explosions grew closer and yelling erupted around him as his fell to his knees in the middle of the street. “The man I love isn’t a coward!” He barely remembered Katsuki’s broken response, how he’d tried to reason with him.

“Then what is even the point Katsuki?!” The blur became black spots. “What is the fucking point of this?! Of us?! If this is how you feel why don’t you get the fuck out of here?!”

“Eijirou!” He thought he heard Katsuki’s voice through the booming in his ears, in his mind.

“Why haven’t you left already?!” The memory’s of Katsuki’s expression was the last thing that his brain produced before he slipped into nothingness.

It took Eijirou three tries to open his eyes, his pupils contracted painfully at the bright fluorescent lights above him, the fuzziness in his mind prevented a wave of panic from flooding him, first because he didn’t know where he was and then because he didn’t feel his arm.

When he managed to actually look down, instead of his arm he saw blond ruffled spikes.

“K-Katsuki?” He tried to speak but his mouth and throat were impossibly dry, he swallowed and tried again with a hoarse voice. “Katsuki.”

The blond shook awake, bloodshot eyes darting directly to his face and Eijirou’s arm tingled alive making him wince.

“You in pain? They said they gave you meds.” His brows furrowed.

“It’s my arm… s’asleep…” he managed and Katsuki let go of him like it burned to touch him.

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before Katsuki turned to grab him a cup of water and holding the straw for him to sip.

“Katsuki… I don’t even know how… I’m so sorry.” Eijirou’s eyes burned.

“I thought I lost you Ei…” the blond gasped, voice small.

“I thought I’d lost you!” Eijirou repeated, “I’m so, so sorry Katsuki. I never should’ve said…”

“I THOUGHT YOU DIED!” Katsuki bursted and suddenly Eijirou was very aware of the pounding in his head.

“I… what?” He tried putting it together but he was missing too many pieces.

The medical staff chose that moment to make an appearance to check up on him, shooing Katsuki out the door, telling him visiting hours were almost over anyway and he should head home. Katsuki looked like he wanted to protest but the nurse insisted.

“I’m sorry Dynamight-san, hospital policy says only family’s allowed overnight, I can’t allow another exception now that he’s awake, no matter how high ranking a hero either of you are.” She said coldly and Katsuki simply nodded, glancing at him once more before turning to leave.

Eijirou’s blood boiled, part of him wanted to believe she was just doing her job, but he knew bigotry when he saw it. He’d grown up seeing it thrown at his moms’ faces plenty enough. The intern evaluating him gave him a rundown of his injuries, they’d hit him square in the head.

Some villain he hadn’t seen had bashed his head open with some weapon or something, the young doctor clearly frazzled by the fact he was treating the famous Red Riot to remember all the details of the newscast.

“Guess I’m not as unbreakable as I thought I was, huh?” He tried reaching for his public persona to put him at ease, and though it felt shallow and completely fake to him, it must have been enough because the guy relaxed visibly and finished his evaluation.

“Your doctor will be here in the morning to go over the next steps with you.” The young doctor smiled. “You should get some rest… uhm, we don’t have an emergency contact on file, is there anyone you’d like me to call for you?”

His mind went immediately to Katsuki and his moms, he was starting to feel fuzzy again because of the new round of meds, he knew he didn’t wanna worry his moms, he knew he wanted Katsuki to be there with him. He knew he didn’t deserve him to actually be there.

“Is it possible…” he was having a hard time concentrating, “can you see if Dynamight has left already?”

“Dynamight?!” The doctor exclaimed, eyes shining bright. Fanboy.

“He was here… could… bring him back?” He mumbled, it took everything in him not to drift, “gotta tell’m…”

“I’ll see if he’s downstairs,” the man patted his shoulder, “you get some rest Red Riot-san.”

“I gotta tell him I love him.” Echoed in his mind before he faded into hazy sleep.

Eijirou startled awake to a light knock on the door before the young doctor from the night before walked in turning on the lights. Shuffling on his side made him turn, Katsuki was sitting up on the chair next to his bed, he still looked absolutely exhausted.

“I’m sorry to wake you Riot-san, Dynamight-san.” The doctor apologized proceeded to go over everything he’d told Eijirou the night before again. Eijirou tried to pay attention this time but was still groggy from the drugs, he glanced at Katsuki who stared intently at the doctor.

Apparently he’d needed emergency surgery, which meant he’d be out of commission for who knows how long.

“The doctor should be here any minute now to tell you more about it.” The young man said and Eijirou noticed the light blush on his cheeks before he ducked out of the room.

“Your moms will be here by the end of the day.” Katsuki muttered.

“You called them?” Eijirou looked at him surprised, there was so much he wanted to say and his mind simply wouldn’t help, he knew they were helping him not feel pain but he hated the damned drugs.

“They called me,” the blond replied, “you were on every news channel. Entire fucking country was already crying over the loss of the great Sturdy Hero.” He scoffed.

“Oh man, they must be worried sick,” he tried sitting up but his head pounded again.

“Stop moving you dumbass,” Katsuki put his hand on his shoulder, keeping him glued to the bed, “didn’t you hear a word what that extra said?”

“Thought you didn’t call people extras anymore…” he replied.

“Whatever, he’s not even your real doctor.” Katsuki waved him off and found the button that lifted the bed to a sitting position. They stayed silent after that as Eijirou slowly managed to get his wits about himself. There were so many things that needed to be said.

“Katsuki… I’m…” Eijirou started but there was a knock on his door. “Fucking damn it.” He muttered under his breath.

“Good morning Kirishima-san, Bakugou-san.” An older man approached him and after they replied started explaining Eijirou’s prognosis.

“You’ll need to stay under observation here a couple more days but barring complications I’ll have you discharged by the end of the week.” He then explained to Katsuki what care he’d need once discharged. “I trust you to relay this to his at home caretaker.” To which he nodded.

With that the doctor left and once again they were left alone in awkward silence. Part of Eijirou wanted to scream, he wanted to tell every single person in the hospital that Katsuki was his loved one, that they should treat him as such, not like he was some stranger to him.

Of course, he knew he couldn’t do that. He’d lost the right to do so when he’d broken Katsuki’s heart.

“What are you doing here Kat?” His lip quivered.

“The fuck you mean what am I doing here?” He bit back, “you asked the extra to get me here didn’t you?”

“Yes!” He sputtered, “I mean… why did you actually do it?”

“Because, you dumbass, I thought you died.” Katsuki replied “And because even if I’m not the man you thought you loved or whatever, /I/ still love /you/.” He added and Eijirou winced.

“Katsuki… I am so fucking sorry.” Eijirou started crying. “I wanted to take it back the moment I said it but then you were gone, and you didn’t come back and I know I don’t deserve you after what I said. I do love you Katsuki, all of you, s’why I wanted…”

“I won’t tell you it’s okay,” the blond interrupted him, “cause it sure as fuck ain’t okay. But I’ll be damned if I ever let you out of my goddamn sight again. What the fuck were you kneeling on the ground for in the middle of a fight anyway?”

“I… I think I was having a panic attack…” Eijirou realized, finally managing to remember the moments before he blacked out. “Haven’t had one since middle school… I had just realized that I’d pushed you away for good… that you wouldn’t come back to me…”

“Dumbass…” Katsuki huffed, getting up from the chair and climbing on the bed next to him, Eijirou tried moving to give him room but the blond draped an arm over his chest, tucking him close even if that meant half his ass was hanging off the mattress.-

“If you ever pull this crap again I will kill you myself.” Katsuki said, resting his ear to the redhead’s chest, almost as if to make sure his heart was actually beating. “Did you mean any of it?” He asked quietly and Eijirou actually wanted to die.

“No Kat, I was just so mad… after you walked out I couldn’t even remember why we’d even started fighting. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I shouldn’t have said those thing. I love you so much darling.” Katsuki only hummed while tracing figures over his chest.

It was a habit he’d had ever since they’d met, whenever he wasn’t drumming to a beat in his head Katsuki would be doodling on whatever surface was available.

“What can I do?” Eijirou asked.

“For now… stay alive… we’ll see after.” Katsuki mumbled.

“There’s gonna be after?” Eijirou dared to brush his fingers through Katsuki’s hair.

“I did say I wouldn’t let you out of my sight didn’t I?” The blond sighed and Eijirou felt as his breathing slowed and his body relaxed. He’d fallen asleep.

A part of Eijirou knew that Katsuki was only this willing to forgive him because he could have died, that words would never be enough and that he’d probably spend the rest of his life rebuilding what he’d broken that night.

Eijirou Kirishima was no stranger to hard work, and if it meant that the love of his life would stay with him, everything would be worth it. He brushed his lips against the top of Katsuki’s head and for the first time in two weeks he managed to rest.