Thread by @BrvHrt09

🧵 I would just like to say as someone who recently decided that I would try to qualify for #MAiD. That #C7 expanding state sanctioned sUicIDe to PWD is predatory and fucked.

Do I wanna die bc I’m in too much under-treated pain and drs can’t/won’t diagnose or treat me? #NEISvoid

Or do I want to die bc my life is falling apart? Bc everywhere I turn there is emotional trauma, grief and a crush of overwhelm? Bc I *feel* trapped by circumstances and poverty — by broken and cruel systems and people?

I can’t really tell you. Neither can any dr who would sanction my death. Bc it’s all of those reasons and more. What I do know is that for months, on both my better days and in my lowest moments. My mind keeps returning to #MAiD. #C7 opened a door, I once worked harder to close.

#C7 doesn’t just grant permission and dress up sUicIDe. For me, it created a stalking monster. Not 6 months ago, a friends called me irrepressible. My whole life I’ve found reason to hope. Not just for myself but in all things with eyes wide open to the seemingly insurmountable.

Whether I was staring into enormous pain in my own life or into the eyes of little girls in the red light districts in India. And not just positive hopeful feelings. Those are fleeting. But with a tenacity often born out of desperation.

But now, I have a monkey on my back. Whispering in my ear telling me it’s okay now. Look, #MAiD has given you a “respectable” way out. It is not only your right as a Cdn. But the same ppl and power that could help, have brushed away your hand — ready to sign the death certificate

And when you are in pain and you are weary and there seems to be no way — it’s much easier to give up. Hope is always dangerous and often painful. When I look at my medical sit and how the healthcare system is approaching it, hope also seems foolish, useless and caked in pain.

When I look at the stories of the countless other Canadians who have completed or who have been granted #MAiD. That hope seems even more useless. Bc I’m not the only one who has given up here. Those with the power have told us loud and clear, they aren’t even gonna try.

I don’t know if I’m even making sense right now. And I honestly don’t know where I go from here. But #DisabledPeopleToldYou. And if I don’t make don’t make it. Be sure to say I was murdered. Bc I didn’t give up, I was pushed.

@threadreaderapp roll up please