Thread by @BrvHrt09

🧵So it begins. The time of night my pain meds wear off. When #SuicideDue2Pain is almost all I can think about. Except tonight the pain is joined by an even deeper sense of hopelessness. Bc you see once you are a chronic pain patient, apparently nothing matters about your health.

I have a new set of symptoms. A completely diff and excruciating painful condition. Today I didn’t go to my doc for the opioids SHE is obsessed with. Just standard healthcare. Ya know a physical exam, appropriate tests, a referral if she’s stumped or unequipped. A question or two

But I’ve been trying for a year for a doc to listen, to take me seriously, to do some doctoring. Today was doc #4. Today the resident did listen to all of it. The first doc to listen to details w/o cutting me off. I was received w empathy. I even allowed myself a moment of hope.

Silly me. I shoulda known better. Without skipping a beat she told me, “Well, we don’t know what is wrong with you but good for you for still being here.” WTF? Thx for coming out? IDK what’s worse? Being unheard. Or being heard and told there’s nothing I’m willing to do for you.

No one has even tried to diagnose me. Doctors have all just shut off their brains with chronic pain patients assuming they are just looking for an angle to more opiates. I may need my pain managed better but that ain’t gonna happen if you are unwilling to find out the cause.

Only a fraction of my very distressing symptoms, that have only accumulated over a year of neglect, could be relieved by opioids. I told her boss, my family doc, last month that I wanted to apply for #MAiD. If she had bothered to ask why, she’d know that it’s bc I don’t believe…

I’m ever going to get healthcare again. That not only is she unwilling to adequately address my pain. The entire healthcare system treats me like a pariah. An untouchable. Literally and figuratively.

So tonight in my very worst hours when I hang on for dear life every single night and a whole lotta days. #SuicideDue2Pain is joined to thoughts of #MAiD due to neglect, indifference, cruelty, and systemic failure.

I’m still fighting with a lotta help from friends. But what abt the MANY ppl who don’t hv support or ppl to fight for and with them? What happens when my few remaining options run out?When constantly dashed hopes aren’t enough? Something’s gotta give and it ain’t me. I already am

Tracy Fossum #ChronicPain advocate and founder of @HELP_AB speaks powerfully about her lived experience as a CPP and the TRAUMA of chronic pain care. Also the illness caused when doctors and nurses neglect, suspect, assume and abandon. #StopPunishingPain!

@threadreaderapp roll up please