emi 🦊✨🎇 Profile picture
May 5, 2022 21 tweets 4 min read Read on X
#WarprizeJiSeason but with a twist: The Great Evil Yiling Huli, nine-tailed demon fox, destroys a Wen stronghold and finds a pretty blue egg in the treasury, alongside books and jade. It's near death. Pitying, WWX takes it with him.

Meanwhile, Dragonji is going crazy from worry.
The egg that he lay by a twist of fate was in the Cloud Recesses during the Wen attack. It was viable, it was going to be his child, he had already chosen names and made a seventy step plan for its future-- it's been missing for more than a year.
Dragon eggs are highly resilient. They can be layed by any single dragon; with or without a mate. If viable, it can last for a long time without any attention by hibernating in a hard shell. And when it receives the warmth of a prospective parent, it can hatch in a few months.
But there is a limit.

And Dragonji's baby is probably going to reach it soon.

So if Drangonji rages around Qishan, absolutely demolishing the Wen Empire and terrifying every single cultivator just trying to do their little jobs waging war.
Meanwhile, smash cut to the Burial Mounds, where the terrifying Yiling Huli and the band of Wen tigers who have defected to his evil palace are running like headless chickens trying to make the egg more comfortable.

"Just lay down on it!" Wen Qing yells, "Idiots!"
WWX leaps into his fox form and curls around the tiny form of the egg, covering it with his big tails.

"It's becoming bouncier!" He yipps in panic, nudging the egg with his nose and feeling the movement within, "Is that normal?"

WQ shrugs. "It may be a cold-blooded cultivator."
"I guess we... we won't know until the baby feels safe enough to... to hatch?" WN says, crouched next to WWX near the fire, watching the shimmering blue of the egg peeking between WWX's tails.

"It may take a long time," WQ warns.

"Hrmh!" WWX sniffs, laying his chin on the baby.
WQ sighs. "The war against WRH is still going on you know."

"No issue," WWX growls a little, rumbling, "Wen Ning you lay on my baby! I'm going to go stop a war!"

"Okay!" WN shifts into a huge white tiger, shaking his fur. "Can I be the Shushu?" He asks as he does as told.
Smash cut back to Dragonji and the crowd of little human-sized Lans surrounding him, trying to tell him that he has to stop raging around because the YLHL is arriving to the war meeting and LWJ is expected to be there too.

Dragonji: I had never heard such bullshit before.
WWX strides into the camp with his black robes and enormous tails swishing behind, in a great fury to just end this war so he can go back to his kid.

Simultaneously, LWJ stomps into the camp in great ire to just finish this meeting so he can go back to searching for his kid.
The the wind changes direction and LWJ freezes in place. His head SNAPS towards where WWX is walking.

Lan Xichen, beside him, "Um. Wangji?"

But LWJ is already powerwalking towards the terrible Yiling Huli. "A Lan dragon?" YLHL glances over, eyes red, "What do you want?"
LXC watches with great shock and terror as Dragonji ignores this question, grabs the Yiling Huli's lapels and plasters himself onto the fox, sniffing over his neck and under his jaw.

"WHAT the fuck--!" YLHL pushes LWJ and jumps back himself, covering his neck with his sleeve.
"...it's YOU," LWJ growls, his vocal cords nearly dragon, "You are the one who DARED to take my--"

"Seriously?! Even the LANS?" YLHL sighs, combing back his ears, "Look I don't know who it was that took your virginity but it wasn't me! MAN if I received a tael for every time..."
The YLHL leaves, still grumbling under his breath, and marches towards the biggest tent where he will be meeting the Sect Leaders.

Meanwhile, LWJ watches him, vibrating with such fury that he can't even speak.

Also meanwhile, every other cultivator watching this happen: 👁️👄👁️
A few dozens of minutes later, in the war meeting, the Sect Leaders are pleased and proud of their great thinking. YLHL has demanded reparations for the aid he will be giving! Silks, gold, silver, spice! But the sects have the great idea that they can cut off a little... if...
If they gift the YLHL a certain dragon who's virtue he seems to have stolen like the evil rogue he is! Surely the Second Jade Dragon is worth at least 40 percent of what the YLHL wants! And the Lan Sect can't pay much anyways, so they should cough out a warprize instead!
LXC opens his mouth to fuck them up!

"Good. I am leaving tomorrow at dawn," LWJ declares.

LXC closes his mouth because flies are about to enter it!
LXC, rushes into LWJ's tent. "Wangji! Why!"

"He has my kid." LWJ packs his stuff very aggressively, already imagining how he'll take his baby back and hightail back to the CR, "A marriage is no issue compared to a demon fox hiding my kid."

"Oh. That makes sense," LXC realises.
"So you'll wait until marry the YLHL, find your egg, wait until he fulfills his promise to end WRH, and return immediately?" LXC reiterates.

"Mn," LWJ nods, already testing the wedding gold horn ornaments that some sect leaders have sent.

LXC, 'Hm. Why am I so scared suddenly?'
At this time, WWX has signed it a little too fast to go check up on his tiny baby and is now regretting it. "What do you MEAN the warprize was included!" He cries to WQ, "Aren't those supposed to be optional?!"

"Do you want the money AND spouse or just the NOTHING?" WQ hits him.
"Do I have to--"

"You don't have to fuck him," WQ says exasperatedly, glaring, "Did you even READ this contract?!"

WWX hides into a tiny ball over his beautiful little egg. "I read the part where they'll give us lots of money!"

"I swear you used to be SMARTER before the kid!"

• • •

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More from @enigmatree

Sep 29
An AU where 6 y.o. Lan Zhan in Yiling is caught by slave traders. A streetkid, Wei Ying, helps him escape-- but they're chased all the way to the Burial Mounds and have to run in. They're presumed dead.

But 13 years later, rumors abound of a little nirvana village inside the BM.
The first year is the hardest for sure. They're little kids, unaware of the world. LZ has duelled before, but only shixiongs who took care not to hit him hard or disorder his clothes. WY has taken beatings, but never by monsters that all madly want to rip off his limbs.
They mostly run and hide. Anything and everything here wants them dead-- they barely dare sleep at all. They run and run. WY catches them critters which they eat raw. LZ cries when he has to bite into a rat for the first time, after 2 days hungry. WY has to force him to do it.
Read 29 tweets
May 6
modern au where wwx is an ordinary struggling artist who got kicked out of a maths degree. He keeps getting these weirdo cosplayers at his door asking for talismans, unaware that these are cultivators who think wwx is a hermit sage genius cultivator secluding in the common world.
They pay well so he draws them whatever they want, but he's really starting to get fed up with the ones who keep insisting he joins their weird magician cults.

"Please reconsider sagacious master!" Cries the man in long robes. "And it's a sect, not a cult!"

"No difference!"
The thing is; WWX's talismans are revolutionary. His arrays all work to a degree of microscopic perfection. This is, however, not because WWX is a 1000 year immortal roleplaying as normal mortal as a test of conviction for the visiting cultivators like they all think.
Read 52 tweets
Dec 30, 2023
AU where WWX was never a Jiang disciple and died as the Yiling Laozu, disgusted with all those awful evil cultivators-- except for LWJ, the man who held his hand as he died and promised to hide away A-Yuan, the only survivor of the Wens.

Then he woke up again, in MXY's body.
On the day WWX died, HGJ was the first to get past the highest defences atop the Burial Mounds during the siege against YLLZ. WWX had been trying to destroy the Stygian Tiger Seal when the cultivators had attacked, and the moment of distraction costed him everything.
When he turned his eyes towards where the Wens were being killed by the invading cultivators, the Stygian Tiger Seal immediately turned back on him. He was neither able to stop the seal from killing him nor able to stop destroying the seal to try and save the Wens.
Read 40 tweets
Dec 23, 2023
someone write me a historical au where LWJ is a physician going from the imperial capital back to gusu and on the mountain road his carriage is robbed by bandits and the bandit group kidnaps him. He gets taken away to their hideout, mouth gagged and hands tied.
It's deep winter so LWJ's bundled up in furs, and only some of his face is properly visible. The bandits are incredibly hurried, arguing and rushing as they pull the struggling LWJ through their walled-off stronghold. LWJ's servants get locked away while he's brought deeper.
"Mmmh!" LWJ growls out.

The older man amongst the bandits, the leader of this group of dozen, looks at LWJ. "I'm really sorry, guniang," He says, "We have no other choice. Don't blame boss for this."

"What if it doesn't work, Uncle Four?" One of the men asks, almost teary-eyed.
Read 44 tweets
Nov 23, 2023
soulmate au where you dream future visions of all the biggest death risks your soulmate will go through so you can protect them better. Cloud Recesses Wangxian %1000 do not even have the faintest thought that the men they see in their dreams might be one another.
LWJ is angry scared and confused by his soulmate, who in his visions seems to be an evil demon suffering in hell. How is a normal, let alone good or just, human being supposed to ever fall into such straits?

The idea that that might be bright and cheerful WWX?? Impossible.
Meanwhile, WWX does in fact know that his soulmate is a Lan man, so he looks around the Cloud Recesses with some more interest-- searching for a radical and determined rule breaker!

LWJ, dutiful disciplinarian, getting whipped to death for criminal acts by his sect? No way!
Read 136 tweets
Feb 6, 2023
Fav WWX's parents live headcanon is young LWJ dealing with his hate and attraction towards WWX by actively comparing him to Wei Changze, who looks like a DILF WWX and is kind and polite and respectful to everyone-- and ending up with a huge and embarassing baby crush on WCZ.
WWX all day every day every moment: LAN ZHAN LAN ER GONGZI LAN ER GEGE LAN WANGJI LAN ZHAN LAN ZHAN LAN--

LWJ: 😠 HMPH.

WCZ, just once: Good morning Lan er gongzi.

LWJ: 🥺 Good morning Senior Wei ❤️
I imagine WWX hates it lmao. WHAT DOES HIS DAD HAVE THAT HE DOESNT! They look almost exactly the same, EXCEPT WWX INHERITED HIS MOM'S SILVER EYES AND IS MORE HANDSOME THERE HE SAID IT.

Cangse Sanren: Allow me to disagree on that kiddo

WCZ: No no I think he's got a point
Read 41 tweets

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