cicer Profile picture
May 28, 2022 13 tweets 3 min read Read on X
#WarprizeJiSeason with bonus Dragonxian!

Let's just say that WWX is somehow cursed into dragon form, or uses an esoteric form of cultivation to change himself into a dragon, or something.

(He will, naturally, be stuck in this form until he receives True Love's Kiss.)
(Sorry, WWX. I don't make the rules!)

Anyway, the dragon form is very good for killing his enemies, protecting his friends, and defending his territory! Yay!

It is not so good for making NEW friends or getting people to trust him or seeming at all benign or nonthreatening.
Something something, LWJ is sent as a warprize to Dragonxian, I don't know why.

Maybe he's originally sent as a hostage. Or as a powerful cultivator who can hopefully restore Dragonxian's human form. Or as lunch!

Either way, LWJ arrives and Dragonxian is so confused.
He doesn't eat humans!! Gross! It's basically cannibalism, and also humans are way too bony.

(Okay, so maybe Dragonxian has eaten like TWO humans when he was really desperate. He doesn't make a habit out of it. He doesn't want to do it again. He didn't order any takeout!)
(He doesn't want to eat THIS human!)

Also, he doesn't need a hostage. If he needs or wants to attack someone to defend his territory, he'll do it, hostage or no hostage. He doesn't want any alliances with the sects, and he doesn't need any help getting back to his human form!
So he's very grouchy when LWJ shows up and he tries to shoo LWJ away.

He's even grouchier when LWJ insists on 'fulfilling his duty' by staying with Dragonxian, as his sect promised.

So Dragonxian just sticks him in an empty room and goes off to mope by the river.
He decides he'll just ignore this inconvenient human until he gets bored and wanders off!

Or until LWJ drops the 'helpful hostage' act and attacks Dragonxian's people, whereupon Dragonxian will be FULLY justified in eating him!
Spoiler alert: LWJ doesn't get bored or wander off. He also doesn't attack Dragonxian or his people.

He's nice. And also very pretty. And smart. Dragonxian likes him. It's terrible. :(
Dragonxian: If only I weren't trapped in this form. I can't do anything with him now. I'm just an ugly beast and doomed to be alone. No one could want me now. :(

LWJ: *mentally scripting a 50k RPF with the working title of 'Pounded In The Butt By the Dragon Lord'*
...Anyway.

Probably Dragonxian picks a fight with LWJ to try to drive him away, because if they can't actually be together, it's better for LWJ to leave and find someone else. :(

Then he goes back to mope by the lake and falls asleep.
LWJ sneaks over to the lake to sit beside Dragonxian, and gives in to temptation. He leans over and gives Dragonxian a little smoochie on his snout.

And BOOM.

Naked human! Naked human man lying by the lake! Attractive naked human man with a red ribbon in his hair!
WWX wakes up, and there is more kissing, and finally some butts get pounded, and they live happily ever after, the end!!

(Alternate ending: We pull a Shrek and LWJ gets turned into Dragonji when he kisses Dragonxian.)
(Either way, LWJ/Dragonji is perfectly happy to be with his beloved and they live happily ever after with copious amounts of butt pounding! 💖)

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More from @cicerfics

Dec 31, 2022
Oh many. So many of my friends are doing year-end wrap ups that are like, "The only good thing I can say about this dumpster fire year is that I LIVED TO SEE THE END OF IT, BITCH". And that is a mood, right there. 😭
This year tried VERY HARD to unalive at least two of my loved ones, but we all SURVIVED OUT OF SPITE. So there's that, at least.

Now I would like this stinky poo-poo garbage year to get in the bin and go away. Zero stars, would not recommend!! 😘
Also, fandom was like. The only good part of this shitty year for me. So thank you all very much for being here. I'm more grateful than ever for fandom friends, everyone who writes fic and draws art, and just...everybody who shares their passions online for free.
Read 4 tweets
Dec 9, 2022
Day is RUINED, I'm not going to be able to think of ANYTHING but yuyu's Pilotji for the REST OF MY LIFE, I am now USELESS!!!
cw bondage

You know what I want, though?

I want pilot LWJ and flight attendant WWX to be doing some sort of anti-terrorism training that requires LWJ to be tied up!!
cw bondage

...I don't think airlines actually do trainings where they practice tying up the pilot to teach everyone what to do in a hijacking scenario but LET'S PRETEND.

Picture WWX bending over a tied-up LWJ, trying to focus on the training, but just going 🥵🥵🥵
Read 5 tweets
Dec 8, 2022
Modern office worker LWJ has the most heinous written communication style you've ever seen. I just know it.

He will 'per my last email' you into an early grave.
People try to tell him his emails come off as a bit passive aggressive.

LWJ: I see. Rest assured that is not at all what I intended.

Coworker: Hah!. I mean, I was sure that you-

LWJ: They're meant to be openly aggressive.
Coworker: ...

LWJ: Which parts of the email fail to clearly convey my contempt? I will rewrite them.

Coworker: ...
Read 4 tweets
Nov 18, 2022
I am still in hopes that twitter will be around for at least a SMALL while yet, but if things really are going downhill rapidly enough to warrant a little farewell message:

Thank you so much to all of you for hanging out with me here over the past couple of years!
These have been a super hard couple of years for me, and twitter has been a bright spot.

I've loved chatting with everyone, seeing everyone's art, reading everyone's little headcanons, trading ideas, group threadficcing, etc.
It's been a hell of a lot of fun and you guys mean a lot to me. I'm grateful for all of you, whether we spoke directly or not. 🥺

Still hoping the plane will pull itself out of its current nosedive, but if not, I'll see you guys around on some other site!
Read 4 tweets
Jul 25, 2022
I really, really want a post-canon thingy where WWX is traveling on his own and suddenly gets cursed and turns into a dog.

Has someone written this yet?
WWX: Haha, wild, I got cursed and I shapeshifted! Welp, let me peer into this stream, check my reflection, and assess the damage.

WWX: ...

WWX: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH 😱
Catch WWX frantically running away from the other dogs in the area who are trying to play with their new friend. 😔

Bonus points if this happens near Lotus Pier (and JC and WWX haven't reconciled yet).
Read 6 tweets
Jul 17, 2022
I just like to think of WWX seeing LWJ rocking/cuddling his rabbit like it's an infant, and blurting out, "HAHA LAN ZHAN MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE A REAL BABY TOGETHER JUST KIDDING UNLESS??? 😳'
WWX, internally: Gotta think of a super casual way to bring up my raging baby fever.

WWX, out loud: HAHA LAN ZHAN WHAT IF YOU WERE ROCKING A REAL ACTUAL BABY RIGHT NOW INSTEAD OF A BUNNY.

WWX, internally: ...Nailed it.
Wait, I thought of something that makes this concept funnier.

What if LQR is getting FED UP with the lack of grandbabies. 😭

Wangji and That Boy have been married over a YEAR and there is absolutely NO TALK of grandbabies yet and he is DONE.
Read 5 tweets

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