Thread by @erotictherapist

The anxious - avoidant trap

When two people in a couple have colliding intimacy needs, the relationship becomes more of a storm than a safe haven. Let me give you an example:🧵#intimacy #intimate #love

Let me explain about a couple who approached me with such an issue. Hubby loved going out with his friends. He loved his wife a lot, and took care of all her needs. Which his wife agreed.🧵

The problem was this man wanted a lot of 'me' time alone or with his friends. He would barely spend any time with the wife, and when he did, he was on his own mostly.#intimacy #love 🧵

He was a love avoidant even as he was in a relationship.His wife on the other hand was an anxiously attached person. She hardly had any social circle and leaned on her husband to fulfill 'all' her intimacy needs. #love #intimacy #intimate 🧵

She believed that marriage comes 'first' and rest everything is 'secondary'. Even though she acknowledged that her husband took care of all needs, she was left longing for intimacy. #love #intimacy #intimate 🧵

She resented his friends and did not understand what independence means in a marriage. She would frequently call him while he was away and her hubby resented being called at a time he was with his friends.#love #intimacy #intimate 🧵

The couple was having a serious issue in their marriage because of their "incongruent" intimacy needs.

He has an avoidant approach to love. He wants to keep a certain distance between him and his wife. #love #intimacy #intimate 🧵

He does so using various strategies. He remains non-expressive towards his inner thoughts and life. His wife on the other hand tries to get close by eliminating various barriers and distractions he has placed between them.#love #intimate #intimacy 🧵

But without his genuine desire to get closer, all her efforts are futile. Afterall it takes two willing individuals to create intimacy. Here one partner truly wants intimacy, the other partner becomes uncomfortable as things become close.#love #intimate #intimacy 🧵

When couples disagree about degree of intimacy and closeness desired in a relationship, the issue eventually threatens their relationship.

Have you experienced a difference in the intimacy needs desired by you and your partner?
#love #intimate #intimacy

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