Thread by @iowahawkblog

Forget all that dopey Disney cruise ship stuff, I want it optioned for 500 henchmen, 200 Bikini assassin girls, and a couple of laser shark tanks

https://twitter.com/Rainmaker1973/status/1540994831555727363

Do you realize how many henchmen it'll take just to dry clean all those gold lame & fur bikinis and hairspray all those bouffants? This is why you'll never make the Supervillain big leagues

https://twitter.com/ChrisPaulRoney/status/1541452873271230467

Like I always say: happy Ninja Bikini Assassin Girls, happy life

True story: the motivational poster I look at every single day inside my humble supervillain lair

This is why Brian sits around and wonders why nobody ever applies for his $7.25/hr part time no-perks bikini assassin girl job postings on Indeed

https://twitter.com/DecaffDog/status/1541463157264199683

Meanwhile at D.A.V.E. (Diabolical Arch-Villain Enterprises) we offer qualified bikini assassin girls:

* generous salary
* full benefits and 401k
* free bikinis and ray guns
* ransom sharing plan
* staff of onsite hench-eunuchs for personal services

Just blows my mind how all you basic-ass supervillain wannabes can't think these things through, and why 94% of all supervillain startups fail within their first year

Please forward resumes to @sarahbellumd, SVP and HR coordinator of the Iowahawk Bikini Ninja Assassin Force #IBNAF #IHBNAF

https://twitter.com/PrincessOfSummr/status/1541472100573237252

I did offer this for a while, but honestly I found that 99% of MBA (Master of Bikini Assassination) programs are a complete waste of time & money, and their grads all act entitled to the executive plotting room

https://twitter.com/TamSlick/status/1541478127033090050

All these people in my mentions be like "well when *I* start my supervillain organization..." like a bunch of high school benchwarmers planning what Lamborghini they're going to buy when they're an NBA lottery pick. Look dorks, if you want to be a supervillain embrace the grind

Instead of daydreaming about assembling bikini assassin girls, y'all need to start developing the charisma, intimidation, and out-of-the-box threat planning skills that will get you there

That's why if you or your child is an aspiring supervillain, I encourage enrolling in the Dave Burge Supervillain Basic Fundamentals Camp. $1895 adult/ $1495 for kids 14-17. July and August sessions in Austin are filling up quickly, so reserve soon