Thread by @tara__incognita

My whole life I’ve had people twist the things I say, claiming meanings in my words that aren’t there — and they expect me to do the same but I won’t. I can’t. It’s exhausting.

#ActuallyAutistic

For example, when you say something racist and I say hey did you know that is a problematic thing to say because___, and you say IM NOT RACIST!! …… What you should have said is “I don’t want to be racist.”then suddenly I’m too sensitive. & now instead of having a compassionate

but tough conversation about you, we’re having a conversation about my perceived character flaws. This cycle is super obvious to me, but so many really struggle with it.

It’s been hard to keep friends and I’ve been lonely most of my life. I love humans but I like very few people. I require integrity and accountability in my circle. I see things others don’t see. I recognize patterns without realizing I recognize patterns,

and I am usually prepared for whatever is going to happen next because I am basically Doctor Strange and can see every possible outcome. I feel deeply and intensely and I can usually tell when people are lying to me, even if they don’t realize they’re lying to themselves.

I know when you say one thing to my face & another when I am not around, energy doesnt lie. I can feel it in my body. I know when something is disingenuous so I have questions.
Which may prompt a statement like, “You’re so sensitive.” To which I have started to reply, Yes,

thank you for noticing. Can you imagine the bravery & it takes to feel deeply for myself &others? I consider it 1 of my greatest strengths
Celebrating the life I have while grieving the life I couldve had is an odd place to occupy but Ive decided to take up all the space I can.

I want to be clear that I do not “suffer” from autism. I am autistic and I suffer, because of the way the world treats autistic brains, and from a system that isn’t set up for me to succeed.

Now, I’ve heard a lot of folks discounting my diagnosis’ because they (incorrectly) assume that I self-diagnosed. I have some problems with this and not because I care what you think of me, but because you may harm someone in your life with such an ableist perspective.

Do you really think people want to admit later in life that they have been disabled this whole time? There is an overwhelming amount of grief in realizing your brain works differently and had you known, maybe you would have had more tools to support your needs.

I am glad to know who I am but it doesnt discount grieving the life I could have had, who I could have been, what I could have accomplished had I had accommodations, support, & compassion instead of the undeniable trauma that comes with moving through life undiagnosed & unaware

First of all, getting a professional diagnosis isn’t always easy. In fact, most of the time it’s not. I got ‘lucky’ — if you consider finally having the tools to myself yourself at 34 lucky. Getting professional diagnosis’ are extremely expensive,

there aren’t many good doctors who are trauma-informed and educated on neurodiversity, a lot of families have strong opinions related to disabilities and mental health that make seeking professional support complicated or dangerous, amongst a plethora of other reasons.

Lots of folks have such a strong misunderstanding of what these things even are that it’s not even on their radar (like me… I just thought I was broken/weird). Up until very recently the only studies done on autism were done on young white boys.

autism presents differently in every single person and, like everything, is nonbinary
So keep in mind that when someone has always felt different &finally begins to realize that these could be signs of a developmental disability or neurotype & they come to you-that is a privilege

It is highly likely that they have only told a few people, people they trust, who they think will listen to them, affirm and validate them, and possibly even support their journey. If someone in your life tells you this ah-ha of theirs you are lucky and should support them.

“What if theyre wrong?
I am glad you care about them & while they may be wrong, you don’t know them better than they know themselves. your opinion is not the point. The point is that they are at a stage in their life where they are questioning their brain type- they need support

Disabilities, Mental Illnesses, etc. are still controversial in many communities. If someone shares that they searched up a controversial topic& admitted they relate to it, there must be something there &you should probably listen to them.

DO NOT say that only a professional can diagnose them, they must be wrong, or they don’t look (like) it
& yes, this applies to all kinds of disorders & differences b/c the logic that you need to support your friend at that moment applies to them all
Thx for comin to my TedTalk