When it comes to recognising and evidencing #coercivecontrol , it is crucial to have an understanding of a whole different set of vocabulary.
Why? Because, in the absence of physical injury, we need to to *see* differently.
🧵
Why? Because, in the absence of physical injury, we need to to *see* differently.
🧵
First we need to define #coercivecontrol.
“A strategic course of oppressive conduct that is typically characterized by frequent, but low-level physical abuse and sexual coercion in combination with tactics to intimidate, degrade, isolate, and control victims”.
-Prof Evan Stark
“A strategic course of oppressive conduct that is typically characterized by frequent, but low-level physical abuse and sexual coercion in combination with tactics to intimidate, degrade, isolate, and control victims”.
-Prof Evan Stark
Red Flag 🚩
A sign of danger or imminent danger. Red flags are signs that a relationship may turn abusive.
A sign of danger or imminent danger. Red flags are signs that a relationship may turn abusive.
Passive Aggressive
Abusing and exerting control in a less direct or recognisable way.
Abusing and exerting control in a less direct or recognisable way.
Premature Disclosure
Where an abuser creates a false sense of intimacy by disclosing something personal with the intention of:
1) creating a false sense of trust
2) gaining a reciprocal disclosure that can later be used to manipulate.
Where an abuser creates a false sense of intimacy by disclosing something personal with the intention of:
1) creating a false sense of trust
2) gaining a reciprocal disclosure that can later be used to manipulate.
Gaslighting
Where someone manipulates a person into doubting their own reality and therefore questioning their own sanity.
Where someone manipulates a person into doubting their own reality and therefore questioning their own sanity.
Triangulation
When an abuser uses another person to bolster their own position in a disagreement or to exert control over the victim.
This can be by bringing them in to take their side or by using them indirectly.
“Even your own mother and sisters think you are a bully.”
When an abuser uses another person to bolster their own position in a disagreement or to exert control over the victim.
This can be by bringing them in to take their side or by using them indirectly.
“Even your own mother and sisters think you are a bully.”
Hoovering
A calculating scheme to "suck" you back into a relationship with an abuser or toxic person.
It is VERY different from genuine attempts at reconciliation.
A calculating scheme to "suck" you back into a relationship with an abuser or toxic person.
It is VERY different from genuine attempts at reconciliation.
Shifting the Focus
A manipulator’s attempt at deflecting away from a victim’s concern by focusing on a concern IN the victim.
A manipulator’s attempt at deflecting away from a victim’s concern by focusing on a concern IN the victim.
Insinuation
The action of suggesting, without being direct, that something unpleasant is true.
With abusive manipulators, insinuation is often used in ‘backhanded compliments’- where you’re not sure if the comment is a compliment or disparaging.
The action of suggesting, without being direct, that something unpleasant is true.
With abusive manipulators, insinuation is often used in ‘backhanded compliments’- where you’re not sure if the comment is a compliment or disparaging.
Empty words
Where a manipulative person tells you what you want to hear but has no intention of backing that up.
Where a manipulative person tells you what you want to hear but has no intention of backing that up.
Crazy making
Where a manipulator says something they then later deny. It is similar to gaslighting in how it leads to you questioning your self.
Where a manipulator says something they then later deny. It is similar to gaslighting in how it leads to you questioning your self.
Love bombing
Excessive attention, admiration, and idealisation with the goal of making the recipient feel they are in an amazing relationship. Love bombing is often intense and fast moving. It needs to be. So the victim of the lovebomb doesn’t have time to see the mask slip.
Excessive attention, admiration, and idealisation with the goal of making the recipient feel they are in an amazing relationship. Love bombing is often intense and fast moving. It needs to be. So the victim of the lovebomb doesn’t have time to see the mask slip.
Devaluation
Once the lovebombing has been successful, it will be followed by putdowns and withdrawing affection to make you feel insecure so as to gain control over you.
Once the lovebombing has been successful, it will be followed by putdowns and withdrawing affection to make you feel insecure so as to gain control over you.
Intermittent Reinforcement
This is where an abuser will switch between putting you on a pedestal and knocking you off.
The cycle of lovebombing and devaluing creates insecurity.
It is how an abuser *conditions* someone into behaving a certain way to avoid being devalued.
This is where an abuser will switch between putting you on a pedestal and knocking you off.
The cycle of lovebombing and devaluing creates insecurity.
It is how an abuser *conditions* someone into behaving a certain way to avoid being devalued.
Turning the tables
Reverse a situation to gain the upper hand. This expression refers to the former practice of reversing the table or board in games such as chess, thereby switching the opponents' positions.
It is also known as DARVO.
Reverse a situation to gain the upper hand. This expression refers to the former practice of reversing the table or board in games such as chess, thereby switching the opponents' positions.
It is also known as DARVO.
DARVO
An acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender".
It refers to how abusers will deny they have abused by claiming that THEY are actually the victim in the situation.
An acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender".
It refers to how abusers will deny they have abused by claiming that THEY are actually the victim in the situation.
Scapegoating
Manipulators making their victim the focus of negative treatment and blame they don’t deserve
Manipulators making their victim the focus of negative treatment and blame they don’t deserve
Diminishing
An abuser will diminish and belittle your opinions and ideas in order to break down your self esteem.
An abuser will diminish and belittle your opinions and ideas in order to break down your self esteem.
Hyper-vigilance
Abusers will deliberately create conditions of living in fear so that a victim becomes hyper-vigilant with an overactive startle response. Abusers will often claim their hyper-vigilant victim is mentally ill when, in fact, it is a fight or flight response.
Abusers will deliberately create conditions of living in fear so that a victim becomes hyper-vigilant with an overactive startle response. Abusers will often claim their hyper-vigilant victim is mentally ill when, in fact, it is a fight or flight response.
Stonewalling.
Refusing to communicate and intentionally shutting down during an argument, also known as the “silent treatment”.
The aim is to control the victim by rendering them invisible too worthless to respond to.
Refusing to communicate and intentionally shutting down during an argument, also known as the “silent treatment”.
The aim is to control the victim by rendering them invisible too worthless to respond to.
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