What kind of ecosystem breeds #coercivecontrol?

🧵 First and foremost, a climate where bullies are rewarded.
When they’re not held to account but rewarded with getting their own way because others are too scared to confront them, that is the perfect Petri dish for #coercivecontrol

I detest the term *parental alienation* with a passion and now I won’t use it.

It used to be called ‘Threat Therapy’.

A🧵 I’ve been told, frequently, that not all perpetrators are men, that mums get *alienated* too and that denying the existence of PA means denying that abusers DO and WILL maliciously sever a relationship between parent and child.

And yes, all of the above IS true.

Churches stayed mainly silent when Nazis were persecuting Jews.

There were also those who abetted the Nazis to escape and gave them false documents.

A 🧵

#HolocaustMemorialDay Adolf Eichmann was aided by a Franciscan monk who helped him obtain an Argentine visa and who signed an application for a falsified Red Cross passport.

Eichmann masterminded the Nazi network of death camps that resulted in the murder of approximately 6 million Jews.

WHAT HE SAYS TO YOU
- versus -
WHAT HE SAYS TO OTHERS

A🧵

#coercivecontrol To you: You’re too beautiful to do the housework. I don’t want you to cook/clean/tidy.

To others: She thinks she’s too good to do the cleaning. She never does anything around the house.

Let’s talk about the chronic low self-esteem following a campaign of psychological and emotional abuse.

🧵 We live in a world that sees physical violence as harmful and psychological/emotional abuse as minor.

A significant reason is down to the fact that physical violence is easier to evidence and so, therefore easier to *SEE*.

“On one occasion, she said, male officers taped her phone to the ceiling, telling her: “We’re gonna watch your arse when you climb on the table.””

How a dead officer’s iPhone exposes misogyny, corruption and racism in a police force
🧵 Ricky Jones, a retired police officer knew where many of Gwent police’s skeletons were buried, but it wasn’t until his death that his own began to emerge.

In 2020, he jumped to his death from a bridge.

He left behind his wife and three daughters.

Let’s talk about the trauma of not being believed.

🧵 Too many of us have personal experience of not being believed by a person we trust.

Or of going to the police to report a crime (domestic abuse, rape or assault, for example) and not being believed…

An undercover reporter at the Edenfield Centre filmed staff using restraint inappropriately and patients enduring long seclusions in small, bare rooms.
Staff swore at patients and were seen slapping or pinching them on occasion. bbc.co.uk/news/uk-630452… Wearing a hidden camera, the reporter saw:

🚩 Staff swearing at patients, taunting and mocking them in vulnerable situations - such as when they were undressing - and joking about their self-harm

As a society, we struggle to recognise false presentation.
We even have an acronym WYSIWYG- What you see is what you get which- a computing term, which applies in a wider context.

Except that with #coercivecontrol abusers what you see is NOT what you get.

🧵 Whilst we are told that presentation is important and first impressions count, we seem to *forget* to look behind what is being presented and place reliance on the veneer.

So, of course, we aren’t going to recognise an abuser who diligently strives to come across favourably.

When it comes to recognising and evidencing #coercivecontrol , it is crucial to have an understanding of a whole different set of vocabulary.

Why? Because, in the absence of physical injury, we need to to *see* differently.

🧵 First we need to define #coercivecontrol.

“A strategic course of oppressive conduct that is typically characterized by frequent, but low-level physical abuse and sexual coercion in combination with tactics to intimidate, degrade, isolate, and control victims”.

-Prof Evan Stark

What is Betrayal Blindness?

Why Do We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled?

🧵 Dr Jennifer Freyd is the academic known for her theories of betrayal trauma, DARVO, institutional betrayal, and institutional courage.

Today @BotSentinel publish a report on how organized attacks on Amber Heard and other women thrive on Twitter. It illustrates how AH and her supporters were subjected to rampant abuse and targeted harassment. 

botsentinel.com/newsroom/repor… 627 Twitter accounts focused predominantly on tweeting negatively about AH and her female supporters.

There is so much #domesticviolence
#coercivecontrol in songs.

A 🧵 Every Breath You Take- Police

Every breath you take And every move you make Every bond you break, every step you take I’ll be watching you Every single day And every word you say Every game you play, every night you stay I’ll be watching you Oh, can’t you see You belong to me?

“Researchers found that the strongest predictor of online hate was psychopathy — a personality trait defined by egocentricity, immoral behavior, and a lack of empathy.”

The psychology of hate

🧵⬇️ A study published in Frontiers in Psychology explored the psychological profile of people who posted hate comments online during the 2018 Winter Olympic Games.

The researchers found that hate commenters demonstrated high levels of one specific Dark Triad trait — psychopathy.

It can be difficult to recognise emotional cruelty.

Let’s talk
- Ghosting 👻
- Cutting Off ✂️
- The Silent Treatment 🌬
- Stonewalling 🧱
- Withholding ❤️‍🩹
- Destabilisation 🎢

as emotional and psychological abuse.

#coercivecontrol

🧵 An abuser enforces power and control in a number of ways,to dominate and force their victim into submission.

They often do it by deliberately WITHDRAWING their love and affection if their victim doesn’t comply with their *rules* or conform to what is expected of them.

I can’t think of a single rapist, paedophile, serial killer, mass-murderer, child abductor, abuser found guilty (or not) of non-fatal strangulation, using the *sex gone wrong * excuse, familicide that has been more vilified than Amber Heard.

Even Ted Bundy has his fans. For example serial killer Levi Bellfield was introduced to his fiancée by the *Yorkshire Ripper*. He saw her picture in Peter Sutcliffe's cell and asked for consent to write to her

I’ve just found out my friend/mentor/person I love/ person I look up to…..

Is an abuser.

A 🧵

#coercivecontrol
#DomesticAbuse
#bullying
#sexualassault Someone has just told you that the person you know, the person who is your friend, your mentor, your confidante, your loved one, your family member, your associate, your colleague, your volunteer, your fundraiser, your boss, your priest, your therapist, your teacher

is an abuser

Marital rape.

A 🧵
#coercivecontrol Despite the historical myth that rape by one’s partner is a relatively insignificant event, causing little trauma, research shows that partner rape often has severe and long-lasting consequences for women.

The red flags of dating that seem romantic.
🚩 ❤️🚩❤️🚩❤️🚩❤️🚩❤️

A THREAD 🧵 1/ He insists on picking you up from your home because he is * a gentleman*.

“ He doesn’t hit me”

THREAD 🧵

#coercivecontrol #domesticabuse #psychologicalabuse #emotionalabuse He hasn’t hit me or punched me or strangled me or threatened to kill me.
He hasn’t done any of that, he’s not like that. He’d never hurt me. He’s not like that.

Have been trying to manage the biggest panic attack in a long time. Up for hours. Struggling to breathe.

Not posting this for sympathy, but to illustrate the very real ongoing impact of trauma & the often time-consuming nature of regulating. Recovery often is not linear.
🧵 I rarely get severe panic attacks during the day. I know my body well enough to recognise symptoms in the earlier stages and prudent enough to know not to ignore the warning signs when they appear.

Ignoring them because I’m too busy is simply not an option.