Thread by @The_Weed

I have been getting a surprising amount of feedback from neurotypical folks saying their ADHD loved ones are angry and depressed BECAUSE they read my threads about #ADHDtrauma. These NT folks are upset and demand I tell them how to fix the loved one that I “made depressed.” /1

Hopefully most of you can see the obvious—my threads didn’t *make* these ND people depressed. They provided *language* that allows them to express the anger and depression they have felt all along. They provide a re-contextualization of early life events that /2

helps these folks see that the ableist message of “you are miserable because you are lazy/dumb/defiant/bad” is wildly inaccurate. That it was actually never their fault. That their trauma is real because their “disorder” is a literal, real thing /3

and not only that, the thing that makes it a “disorder” isn’t the fact that their brain works beautifully but differently, but because the idea of “order” is defined by NT’s (and is part of a multi-tiered system of oppression towards every marginalized group), so “disorder” /4

and “disabled” people are actively and unconsciously “othered” by society and treated with contempt and hostility, and that leads to a LIFETIME of traumatic, microaggressive experiences that, when added up, equal Trauma with a capital T. /5

So yeah, these people are mad.

They’re mad that they have been treated like shit their whole lives for something they didn’t choose and cannot help.

They’re mad that they have been gaslit by society into thinking their misery was a choice, and if they had simply “been good” /6

and “behaved” and “paid attention” and “stopped being lazy” they would have “met their potential” (aka magically become neurotypical) and none of this would have happened.

They are mad at anyone who has unintentionally parroted this societal message (hint: that is all of us. /7

We all have internal ableism in us to varying degrees, including me, so we all sometimes parrot this message) and they are seeing it clearly for the first time, so that anger is gonna feel hot and gonna want to be expressed. And they need you to listen and hug them as they do /8

They need you (if you are one of these NT people who loves them) to assure that you can hear them and see what they’re saying and empathize with their pain. And they need you to take responsibility for the parts you played that hurt them, even though it was not your intent /9

And not only are they angry, which is a healthy secondary emotion in response to trauma—one that indicates a transition out of a feeling of powerlessness—but that anger is also covering a layer of sadness and depression that has been there a long time. /10

And with good reason.

Your loved one has lost a lot and been through a lot.

They’ve lost years or even decades of their life believing they are worthless.

The sorrow they feel is huge. The tragedy of what was lost is vast.

So yes, they are depressed. /11

And in many cases they will be fully expressing it for the first time.

And honestly you might start to feel depressed and angry too.

And that’s okay. It’s all a perfectly appropriate response to trauma.

All of it is healthy.

All of it is good.

And all of it is real. /12

But one thing it isn’t?

It isn’t cuz they read one thread by one stranger on Twitter.

The thread isn’t the CAUSE of what you’re seeing.

At most it was one of the implements that opened the floodgates.

But that flood of sadness and anger?

That’s been there all along. ❤️/13