Thread by @TheChrisMosier

CONTENT WARNING: SUICIDE/SELF HARM

As soon as he was missing, his mom said, "I better start planning a funeral." We all knew. But I had no idea about the rest of the story

A 🧵

Yesterday, my mom called to tell me he died. By suicide.

My cousin, a few years younger than me, was found dead after going missing on Saturday. He was struggling; he was being harassed & intimidated by his neighbors.

It sounded far-fetched, TBH. The owner wouldn't help.

I didn't get much of the story, but the few pieces I heard disturbed me like a horror film - being watched, being harassed & then told you're making it up, and not having anyone believe you.

I don't love horror films.

He had told his mom of some of the ongoing issues, and all the ways he tried to fix it. It was unknown why they didn't like him or why they decided to target him.

At some point, it became clear his neighbors broke into his apartment - they knew everything that was in it & would make creepy comments about random things in his place... Odd enough that no one would know unless they were in your home.

I heard a few stories about what they did to him, but the one that really grabbed me was one that I wish they had not told me.
When he would use the bathroom, sometimes if he sat he would hear his neighbors yell "look, he's a tr*nny! he has to sit to use the bathroom! tr*nny!!"

I don't think being accused of being trans or the transphobic slur made him as upset as the fact that someone could see him in his bathroom. (at least that's how I would feel)
I don't think he would have a negative reaction to being called trans.

What really scared me is the reality that these awful neighbors - like so many awful neighbors (& lawmakers) all across the country - think being trans is something bad, worth making fun of, worth intimidating & harassing someone to their breaking point.

Again, to be clear, it wasn't just the transphobic slur that led him to taking his own life. This was just a small piece of ongoing harassment, but it was the piece people felt they needed to say to me.

It's heartbreaking to lose someone to suicide. You will never get answers. Closure is difficult.

It's also terrifying to hear this example of bullying & harassment. It feels like an ultimate violation of privacy & personal space. It sounds like a nightmare.

I know I was already tender this week from my interaction at the doctor's office & then the slew of malicious replies & DMs when I posted it. I took this news of his death quietly. I was stunned it got to this point, but really pained by the story about the bathroom.

It hurts to think about the terror he must have felt as this continued. The pain he must have been in to do what he did.

When his mom saw him at the coroner's office, she said, "he just finally seemed at peace."

Excuse me for a minute while I pick up the shattered pieces of this broken heart. 💔

Language is powerful. How we are addressed matters - at least to us. Actually, very much to us. I think about language often.

I spent a lot of time today thinking about how slurs can be a form of violence. And intended to promote or incite violence.

Losing him & hearing about that incident coincides with other threats of violence towards me, my community & our allies. Threats against doctors & hospitals. Libraries. Teachers.

The world is feeling increasingly unsafe.
And that's what they want.
That's by design.

::insert positive encouraging message & #transjoy here::

Truth is, I don't really have words for it right now, but I feel it in my bones.

I'll finish with something that made me smile: when they went to pack his place, there was art & art supplies everywhere. Canvases & paint, markers & ink, beadwork, woodcarving, tons of work completed & many in process. ❤️Art was a shared love & passion; we'd draw for hours. 🎨🖼️