Filipino family dynamics in a nutshell:

1) If there’s a huge conflict/elephant in the room, never address it directly ever. Instead, just tsismis about it with every single person (except for the parties involved obviously) and hope it goes away.
Filipino family dynamics in a nutshell:

2) If someone does open up about some hurt or trauma, just stare at them in silence or avoid saying much, because you don’t want to get involved or take sides. Even if there is clearly harm that has been done, it’s best to stay out of it.
Filipino family dynamics in a nutshell:

3) If some family conflict makes you uncomfortable, just drink and eat and sing karaoke until that discomfort goes away - or at least until you are distracted (or drunk) enough to pretend that it doesn’t exist.
Filipino family dynamics in a nutshell:

4) If someone does address a conflict, just ostracize or label them as being too sensitive or too Americanized or too outspoken. Definitely do not check up on that person to see how they’re doing (because you don’t want to take sides!).
Filipino family dynamics in a nutshell:

5) Reiterate the belief that family always comes first - even when someone did something wrong/ harmful, or when someone is clearly hurt or suffering. People don’t need to be held accountable for their actions when they’re family, right?
Filipino family dynamics in a nutshell:

6) Always pretend everything is fine. There’s no need to talk about mental health or insecurities or emotional vulnerabilities. Just focus on your successes, your material possessions, and your kids’ accomplishments. And remember to pray!
One of the reasons why I started studying (and writing) #FilipinoAmericanPsychology was because I saw many of these patterns from my own family in so many other Filipino American families. When these conflicts are unaddressed, it takes a mental toll on us.
papalodown.com/lodown/filipin…
If you’re Filipino American and can relate to any of these family dynamics, I hope you know you’re not alone. If you encounter mental health issues, I hope you can push through and past the stigma that often prevents us from seeking help. @agnesconstante
latimes.com/lifestyle/stor…
If you’re a Filipino American who has difficulty communicating with your family, I also hope you know you’re not alone. If you don’t get the validation you need, I hope you can find it from other places. @MalakaGharib npr.org/sections/healt…
If you’re someone who relates to these family dynamics, I hope you realize it doesn’t have to be this way and that you find the chosen family who makes you feel loved, value you, communicate with you, uplift you, empower you, and remind you of your worth. You deserve that! ❤️✊🏽

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More from @kevinnadal

Jan 24
This week, I learned about the death of #JaxonSales- a young queer Asian American who was found dead in an older white man’s apartment in San Francisco in 2020. The family started a petition because a proper investigation was never conducted. change.org/justiceforjaxo…
The family was told that because the drug Jaxon overdosed on (GHB) is popular among gay men that it was an accidental overdose. They also learned that there was an overdose in the man’s same apartment just a week prior, but that the man was never questioned. #JusticeForJaxonSales
This story sounded oddly familiar. In Los Angeles, in 2019, two gay Black men (Gemmel Moore & Timothy Dean) were found dead, months apart, in the apartment of an older, wealthy white man named Ed Buck. Ruled accidental, LAPD did not investigate for months. out.com/news/2019/2/26…
Read 7 tweets
Oct 26, 2021
Tonight, the CUNY Board of Trustees approved my promotion to Distinguished Professor - making me the 1st Asian American & youngest at John Jay College & presumably the 1st Filipino American Distinguished Professor in CUNY. #FilipinoAmericanHistory #ThisIsWhatAProfessorLooksLike
It’s not lost on me that this all happened during #FilipinoAmericanHistoryMonth & on #LarryItliongDay. Manong Larry came to the US in 1929 in search of a better life. While he wanted to be a lawyer & fight for justice for all, he was forced to work the fields & canneries instead.
The earlier Filipinos who came here in the early 1900s were met with racism, violence, & injustice. They were not allowed to vote, own property, marry outside of their race, or have basic civil rights. They were brutalized, lynched, & even killed. And the law didn’t protect them.
Read 4 tweets
Oct 5, 2021
In case IG & Facebook go down again, here is some content for #FilipinoAmericanHistoryMonth!

Throughout the month of October, I’ll be sharing my #FAHMSyllabus, which will include some of my favorite resources for learning about Filipina/x/o American history and experiences.
Today, we begin with history books and historical memoirs! These are books that are written about (and in) different time eras - all by Pin@y authors! #FAHM #FAHM2021
I’ll also share some of my favorite essays, research articles, films, poetry, novels, and more! But for now, here are the history recommendations! #FilipinoAmericanHistory is American History! #FAHM @fanhs_national
Read 6 tweets
Oct 1, 2021
October is Filipino American HISTORY Month, NOT Filipino American Heritage Month. The distinction is important!

Created by @fanhs_national in 1991, #FAHM was always intended to be HISTORY Month. Not sure when/why people renamed something that wasn’t theirs to change.

#FAHM2021
History is political; it means acknowledging the truths of a time period. It involves honoring people and the struggles they overcame. It means acknowledging violence, colonization, slavery, and oppression. It means recognizing the triumphs AND the traumas of a people. #FAHM2021
Heritage is about the cultural traditions & values of an ethnic group. For Filipino Americans, heritage implies customs from the Philippines (e.g., food, dance, language, dress, music). While these are all amazing things to take pride in, heritage is not why we celebrate #FAHM
Read 5 tweets
May 14, 2021
Now that we are almost halfway through #AAPIHeritageMonth, I genuinely hope you’ve been celebrating the true diversity of #AAPI communities - from Pacific Islanders to queer/trans AAPIs to #BrownAsians and more.

Today, let’s talk more about Brown Asian American Movement. Let’s talk about the Brown Asian American Movement   Dr. KSince the inception of the Asian American Movement in the 19
If you don’t know about the #BrownAsian movement, here’s an article I wrote in 2019 about its history and current context. It’s titled “The Brown Asian American Movement: Advocating for South Asian, Southeast Asian, and Filipino American Communities”.

aapr.hkspublications.org/2020/02/02/the… Historical Context:  In response to the Black Power MovementHistorical Context::  The first documented usage of the term
May we all acknowledge the many dynamics that occur in #AsianAmerican communities - especially when certain groups’ experiences are centered and presumed as the norm or most authentic, while others are forgotten, marginalized, or treated as mere afterthoughts. Many authors had written foundational texts about how  BrownMany scholars have illuminated how perspectives of East AsiaMany scholars have illuminated how perspectives of East AsiaMany activists and community leaders have illuminated how pe
Read 4 tweets
Apr 3, 2021
Through the years, people have asked me what they should say as “comebacks” to verbal microaggressions. I usually tell them to respond with something like “What do you mean by that?” as a way of getting the person to reflect on whatever it was they just said. #AcademicChatter
Recently, a friend asked what to tell people as alternatives to microaggressions. I liked this question better bc it takes responsibility away from target (typically of marginalized group) & encourages enactor (typically of privileged group) to reflect on/ change their behavior.
Hope you find these helpful & that you reflect on things you say or do to others. If you think to yourself “This might be offensive or hurtful”, it probably is, OR you might want to steer clear of it, if you’re not ready for a challenging conversation or acknowledge your biases.
Read 4 tweets

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