i never made it my business
to break hearts
collecting bits and pieces
of those broken puzzles
as my prize
although i will confess
that in devotion to my craft
i used the foolishness of men
to good advantage
in a brutal world
where women were enslaved
i forswore those chains
in favor of dark magick
it doomed me
ultimately
to a life alone
but better freedom
in its cold austerity
than the choking warmth
of being owned as property
now sitting
ancient and untouched by man
for many yea
i cast my memory backward
carefully re-stepping every crooked mile
of my journey
reexamining my choices
while i fondle fingerbones
collected from dead lovers
it is not without regret admixed with pride
that i see scattered
by the roadside of my days
the rusted shields and broken swords
of many brave contenders in the field
for i lived hard and lusty
and in my quest to own myself
left a trail of spent gladiators
in my wake
Robin Hood was dying. He lived a great many years and now he was old, grey, and bedridden. He sent out messages to his friends to visit him and at the appointed hour Maid Marian, Little John, Friar Tuck, and the rest of the Merry Men gathered in his bedchamber.
"Maid Marian, my love, and all my dear friends," he began. "I am dying. I feel Death's icy grip tightening on my soul. Ere sundown my soul will depart for the hereafter.”
The group expressed their dismay but not surprise, for they could see that Robin had little time left on this earth.
"Dearest Little John, ever have you been a loyal and willing friend. I would that you grant me one last boon ere I pass,” said Robin Hood.
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened.
The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
so many hours to fill
and the bucket
from which i fill them
rusting out
every day sees more droplets of soul
leaking from the seams
falling onto the ground
softening it
making a slippery unholy mess of mud
that is good for nothing and no one
but whatever dark demons
live in mud
every day more jagged flakes of thought
slough off and sink
anemic wet confetti
into that mud
trampled beyond recovery
by the workboots i must wear
in this dark wilderness
still i work on
neglecting chores
being not native to my nature
Linguists from France, Italy, and Germany were debating which language was the most beautiful.
The German representative was waving his hand frantically to be chosen to speak when the French representative began to speak.
"French is certainly sublime. Consider the word Papillon. How could the word for butterfly be more beautiful than the butterfly itself?
The German is dying to speak, but then the Italian chimed in.
"Italian is as beautiful as French. Our word for butterfly is Farfalle, also more beautiful than the insect itself."
An American farmer was visiting Germany.
In a rural area he came across a small village bar. He went in, ordered a drink and noticed the man next to him looked like a farmer.
Are you a farmer?" he asked the man.
“Ja, I am a farmer," the man replied.
"How big is your farm?" the American asked.
"Well, roughly 20 square miles" the German answered.
A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road when they saw some corn in a ditch just across the road.
The horse walked over to eat the corn but before he got to the corn he got stuck in the mud and couldn’t get out so he said to the chicken,
“Hey, go over to that farmhouse and get some help to get me out of this mud.”
When the chicken got to the farmhouse he couldn’t find anyone to help him get the horse out of the mud. However, he noticed a Mercedes parked in the driveway and the keys were in the ignition.
The chicken drove the Mercedes back down the road, tied a rope to the Mercedes and threw the other end to the horse. The horse was out of the mud in a jiffy.
The two proceed down the road when they saw more corn on the side of the road.