Thread by @rnsoicher

People keep asking me if I'm going to miss teaching. Yes, of course. AND. AND. 11 years of pouring every ounce of energy I have into teaching, being a better teacher, researching teaching, teaching other teachers...I'm tired AF. 1/

With 2, going on 3, years of pandemic teaching in the mix, I've never been more caring, empathetic, or flexible with my students before. I've never felt more like my teaching makes a difference. I am absolutely certain teaching is the way to make a difference in the world. 2/

I've no one to blame but myself for taking on a ton of service roles outside of my teaching. I have a lot I can contribute to curriculum committees, teaching conferences, and course design. I love working closely with undergrad RAs on research. 3/

I love my research and my collaborators and the brilliant new TT faculty our department is hiring. I love that my job has always evolved and changed and that I never quite knew where I was headed. 4/

I wouldn't change even one day of the last 11 years and especially not the day two of my mentors at UC Davis told me I needed to reconsider my priorities if I wanted to earn a PhD there. 5/

I wouldn't change (a) working as an adjunct instructor at three different community colleges in Sacramento, commuting sometimes 100 miles in a day to my classes or (b) putting in a lot of extra time at faculty meetings I wasn't required to be at. 6/

I wouldn't change (c) taking my first TT faculty job at a comm college I later realized was in danger of losing its accreditation. Or the leadership roles I took in helping fix that situation. Or the study abroad group I co-led to China. 7/

I wouldn't change (d) taking my next TT faculty job at rural college where I was the only psych faculty member or (e) the year I worked retail + adjunct teaching b/c I couldn't find a FT job or (f) enrolling in a brand new PhD program when I was out of other options. 8/

I wouldn't change (g) the extra service I took on with APAGS as a grad student or (h) the extra course design projects (ahem, OSU in PDX) or (i) mentoring Ecampus undergrads or (j) serving on editorial boards.

I'll never regret (a) how I had to teach myself an entirely new field (#ImpSci) and convince my diss comm it was important to integrate this work into my own research or (b) having to collect data in a pandemic or (c) writing my dissertation during the pandemic... 10/

I can't and wouldn't want to reimagine my 75 person audience for a pandemic dissertation defense, including all my family in Florida who otherwise couldn't have been there, or my students who came to support me. 11/

I wouldn't be where I am today without a LOT of people. But especially my students. My students: who I teach for, who I learn to teach better for, who I, in some ways, live for. Who have taught me more than I have taught them. Who live in my heart and my memories. 12/

My heart goes out to students and I've extended and over-extended myself to make the college experience just a tiny fraction better for them (I hope!). I think, no I KNOW, I've made a difference in this world through my teaching. 13/

And although I bask in that glow as often as I can, and although I have had it better and easier than most (I recognize the privilege of that, I promise), I'm exhausted. I am all out of those metaphorical spoons, folks. 14/

No one ever taught me about pacing myself and, even if they had, I probably wouldn't have listened. I'm a caregiver and an advocate at heart and that is ever-presenting in my teaching (as best as I can). 15/

After a while, as many of you know intimately, you just can't continue to pour a trickle of water onto a wildfire. I can't get one more email from a student who is hospitalized because of an attempt at suicide. 16/

I can't continue to hear about how students with disabilities aren't getting what they need to succeed. Or how my students of color (or who are LGBTQ+) need to be taught by more people who look like them, but not seeing this change be made fast enough. 17/

My heart is breaking for students and all the help I can give them is but a band-aid. And yet, I've been giving it my all for 11 years. The only thing in my life I've done longer than that is be married! LOL! And I never thought I'd stop giving my all to teaching. 18/

But now that I have this new opportunity that isn't teaching-focused, I've got a bad case of senioritis. I'm beginning to recognize the toll teaching has been taking on me, how that stress has accumulated over the years, and how I wish I had a break. 19/

So yes, I'll miss teaching. This thread is nothing if not a love letter to teaching. But I'm also relieved and stressed, excited and scared. And it's a lot all at once for me. And you had the bad fortune of me articulating it here instead of with my therapist :) /end