Like a recurring theme is wondering whether my whole family is weird compared to other South Asian folks we interact w or is it a cultural thing bc I don’t know many ppl who are from my parents exact culture / speak my parents’ first language outside of extended family
Ppl whose families seem to predominantly speak Urdu seem much more formal / “grown up” than my family even w each other. Granted I speak Urdu as my first language but parents don’t. & no one’s going around reading / listening to ghazals etc in my family. No bhari Urdu at all here
I was leaning towards my family is weird till I visited Pakistan after like 15 yrs & I learned that my cousins & aunts/uncles are the same flavour of weird.
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
Me & my brother went to elite private schools in Pakistan growing up & the diff in type of social education b/w my all girls school & his all boys school was stark
Admittedly my school was run by nuns & when I went to visit it last time I was in Pakistan, I had to stop by the headmistress’ office & like everyone else on my trip she asked if I was married now & I said no & unlike everyone else she said “good. women should be independent”
But even as a kid the toxic masculinity at my brother’s school was obvious. Just incredible amounts of hazing & bullying etc.
I’m on a roll w the “mutual aid” critique so sorry abt the timeline clogging but as I think more abt this I think a lot of this for me is coming from actually having grown up in a society where community care is the default bc govt services don’t exist &…
the thing is many of us have a love/hate relationship w the idea of community & interdependence bc how much of that is actually used as a means of social control
patriarchy is the most obvs force I’ve personally seen operate in those situations but there are many others
the South Asian community often has your back no matter where you are in the world
yet there are often expectations to conform to community norms, often misogynist/racist/ableist ones
I may just be a confused little ND person who doesn’t understand how ppl work but my other issue w using “mutual aid” vs paid services is ultimately someone is still doing you a favour & by social convention you’re not supposed to be as “demanding” abt specific access needs
I always tip well for paid services & I still feel like I’ll be judged as “entitled” on giving exacting instructions abt my access needs. My TaskRabbit tasks always have a note of “I have OCD & v specific access needs. Pls be ok w this & patient w me if you accept this task”
IME when ppl volunteer to help you they often don’t even wait for you to provide info on your access needs they just decide to do things the way they think is best for you w/o confirming
Do medical ppl have some sort of sentimental attachment to surgical masks?
Bc it’s 2.5 yrs into an airborne pandemic which surgical masks are not designed to protect ppl from & medical ppl in & out of office seem to avoid N95s more than the plague
This incl popular w patients folks on le bird site working on #LongCOVID
What gives?
& FTR ppl N95s are far more comfortable to breathe in than surgical masks
Surgical masks get constantly pulled against nostrils blocking air flow whereas N95 masks have a pocket of air around nose & mouth for comfortable breathing
I may have just sent an email to a professional DEI mailing list abt how in person & hybrid events are harming disabled ppl & had someone respond w “I’ve traveled & not got sick & also I’m an extrovert & we did one badly org online event so they suck & zero COVID not good”
Thank you ADHD & other psych issues re not keeping my mouth shut & #KnivesOutSpoonies bc I may have then sent a reply that “personal preferences do not trump the need for changing behavior so it doesn’t actively harm ppl. This is a DEI group. This is DEI 101.”
Scientists: anecdotes are not data
Also scientists: I traveled & didn’t get COVID so in person in a pandemic is ok actually
Back when I was not public abt disability, I used to feel I wasn’t being brave enough watching other ppl be more open. If you’re feeling similar watching me now, pls know it took yrs & several other factors to get here. Disability discrimination is real. Pls be kind to yourself.
If it helps, some factors for me were: starting a job that paid more so I was finally able to pay off good chunk of past medical debt & start bldg savings; pandemic eroded my patience w nondisabled ppl; I became too mentally exhausted to mask my health issues well
I had a horrible exp w disability discrimination that led me to stance that I’d rather be discriminated against early on in employment process than later. So if companies were reading abt disability on my social media during recruitment & chose to discriminate, good riddance.