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David Burge Profile picture
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Nov 4 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
In these trying times I would like to be a calm voice of reason reassuring you that no matter who is in control of it, this site has always sucked and always will suck
I would also like to bid a fond adieu to everyone migrating to Mastodon, and look forward to seeing you quietly back here in 2 weeks just like all the right wingers who stomped off to Parler post-Trump ban
Because no matter how bad this site is, no alternative platform will ever bring us together on the one thing that matters most: the sweet, sweet dopamine high of public attention
The main thing I've learned about Twitter in the past 3 years: the more likes someone gets on their farewell manifesto on Why I'm Leaving Twitter For New Social Site X, the faster they return here
I can honestly say I have never once considered leaving Twitter for a right wing or a left wing alternative site, because (A) I am a self-aware attention whore, and (B) I enjoy Twitter's rich stereophonic stupidity

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Nov 5
A very happy 84th birthday to Mercury --born November 4, 1938-- from #DavesCarIDService. Who's not crazy 'bout a Mercury? Especially with MCM-tastic wheels like this 1957 Montclair 4 door hardtop (via the wonder site plan59.com which you should patronize). Image
Mercury was the brainchild of Henry Ford's son Edsel, who saw the need for FoMoCo to have a niche-filler between the working man's Ford and the posh Lincoln, to compete with Oldsmobile/Buick, and it was a hit. The Deco winged helmet Mercury logo is one of my fave car graphics. Image
Mercury sadly met its demise with the 2011 models, but by that point it was basically a badge-engineered Ford. But over the years it created some real classics: Marauders, Cougars, Comets, etc. And the 49-51 Mercs are still the platonic ideal of lead sled material. ImageImage
Read 8 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 4
A fine and overdue thread. We need a national conversation on what constitutes a "dive bar"
the elements necessary for a true dive bar:

Beer selection is maximum 3 taps and 5 brands of domestic, Canadian, or Mexican canned lager, max $5

A clientele that regards you with belligerent suspicion when you first visit

No one has ever taken a selfie at a true dive bar
Sure, filthy linoleum floors, cig smoke stained acoustic tile ceilings, but clientele is key. Take a filthy true dive bar and rebrand it as a Check Out This Hip Dive Bar To Instagram From!, it's no longer a dive bar, it's dive bar cosplay
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 4
Even though it's for Minnesota vs Nebraska, this is easily a Top 3 traveling trophy, because it was designed by smartass college students and not some dopey corporate committee
College Football Traveling Trophies, ranked:

1. Floyd of Rosedale
2. Paul Bunyan's Axe
3. $5 Bits of Broken Chair
4. Little Brown Jug
5. Old Oaken Bucket

yeah, okay, entire top 4 involves Minnesota, but trophy respect must be acknowledged
Some committee decided to foist a stupid golden bull traveling trophy for Iowa vs Wisconsin 20 years ago, but the only legit organic IA-WI trophy is the Rusty Toolbox. Decided by the flag football game between student team managers Image
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 3
Not to be pedantic about this, but neither Michigan nor Minnesota are technically in the Midwest. The only true Midwest is Iowa
I don't make the rules, it's just a scientific fact
According to most scholars of the subject, the Midwest technically comprises states with universities in the original Big Ten that do not border a Great Lake
Read 6 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 3
Vonnegut off the top rope

Vonnegut and O'Connor were both Iowa Hawkeyes, and Hawkeyes know how to pin an opponent to the mat with a half-Nelson
Granted, it takes a certain amount of skill to express a coherent thought through arrangements of words, but it's not like you correctly installed a wiring harness in a car
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 2
FWIW, TCU is currently #1 in the #CFBMarbleGame
*every FBS team starts season w/ 100 marbles + 10 bonus marbles for every P5 team on their schedule.

Beat opponent at home/neutral site, take 20% of their marbles, beat them at their place, take 25% of their marbles.

That's the whole algorithm.

thenemindex.blogspot.com/2022/10/iowaha…
quibble all you want with its parameters, but it's 100% objective, transparent, and doesn't rely on bullshit "style points" or "eye tests." And each team knows exactly how many marbles are at stake before they play.
Read 5 tweets

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