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Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 Profile picture
@MikeStuchbery_
Nov 18, 2022 • 17 tweets • 9 min read • Read on X
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In celebration of @Obsidian's #Pentiment being released, I decided to put together a list of the things every small German town seems to have. #everysmallgermantown
The inhabitants of every small German town have a bizarre nickname, related to some obscure historical event.

Within fifty kilometres of my home, we have the 'Onion Eaters', the 'Moon Extinguishers' and the 'Corpse Rollers'.
Every small German town has a dimly-lit sports and shooting club at the edge of town, with crates of beer out the back.

When it's not being used for competitions or copious drinking, it's where the underage drinking happens.
Every small German town has the ruins of a medieval castle close by, on top of a hill.

Much of the time, the ruins are unsecured, and sporadically crumbling.

It's also a place for underage drinking, bonfires, and blasting Sabaton or similar metal. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Every small German town has a regrettable incident from the 16th or 17th centuries when the crops failed, and a whole bunch of old ladies and teenage girls ended up getting burned as witches.
Every small German town has their own beer, that is only available within a 5km radius, but if you don't order it, shit gets 'Wicker Man' really quickly. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Every small German town has a ghost story that seems innocuous enough, but talking to an old coot, they'll tell you the *real* story, often involving murder, rape, pedophilia, incest and/or cannibalism.

And the old coot believes in the ghost 100%, he's seen it. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Every small German town has a farmer who keeps up ploughing up weird old coins that he has no time for, and will give you a handful if you ask nice.
Every small German town has a family That We Don't Talk About. There's no outward indication of why, and to what end, We Just Don't Talk About Them.

Close research would reveal the reasons often go back several generations, to a fistfight over pigs in 1880. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Every small German name has a very specific dialect word for a bread roll, and God help you if you don't know it, because you won't get served otherwise. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Every small German town has young ladies who are frighteningly proficient with a sharp farming implement, and have a free and forthright approach to sexuality, that some English-speakers may find confronting.
Every small German town was, at some stage, part of seventeen different states, territories, kingdoms, duchies and fiefdoms - in addition to the Roman Empire, the German Empire or the two modern German states. Or Austria. Or France. Or Poland. Or Cezechia. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Every small German town has a patron saint who, often quite locally, was martyred in some ridiculous fashion, one you've never thought of before.
Every small German town has the church built in 1950... and the church built in 800.
Every small German town has a mineral water spring that tastes like pure ass, but damn if it doesn't cure your hangover, makes your hair grow back, fixes your worn ligaments and increases your libido. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Every small German town has a festival - often a variation of carnival - where the normally dour, pious locals switch to costumed, fun-loving humper monkeys for a carefully scheduled period.

Usually there is a weird call you're supposed to respond to, like 'Ah-hah-hüü!'.
Finally, every small German town has one isolated bus stop where a bus only comes once a month, when the stars are right and the moon is dark. Nobody knows why.

It's still in DB Navigator.

Buy #Pentiment on Xbox or Steam. /FIN

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More from @MikeStuchbery_

Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 Profile picture
Apr 4, 2023
Sometimes when I get a little down in the dumps, I try to remember the amazing things around me, that connect me to a wider history, and my spirits soar.

This is Kloster Denkendorf, about twenty minutes drive from me. 🧵
Sometime in the 1120s, a 'Bertholdus', perhaps Berthold, Count of Hohenberg & Lindenfels, returned from a trip to the Holy Land and donated a small monastery and a church to the Canons of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, who sent a prior to Southern Germany. 🧵
Over the next hundred years, the protection of this church and monastery were placed under some very important families - the Hohenstaufen, the Habsburg, and the Holy Roman Empire. 🧵
Read 8 tweets
Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 Profile picture
Mar 7, 2023
With #InternationalWomensDay on the 8th of March, here's who you can thank for its existence: Clara Zetkin! 🧵
Clara was born in the kingdom of Sachsen in 1857. In the 1870s she became involved with rhe SPD while studying to become teacher.

Her politics veering further leftwards, she spent time in Switzerland and Paris, dodging bans on socialist and communist orgs. 🧵
It was during her time in Paris that Clara, nee Eißner, took the name Zetkin, from her lover, Ossip Zetkin - the pair had two children - Maxim & Konstantin.

All the while she integral in forming the Second Socialist International, and other organisations. 🧵
Read 11 tweets
Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 Profile picture
Mar 6, 2023
I tweeted that the inventor of the first real automobile, Gottlieb Daimler, died #onthisday in 1900.

Not many know this, but Daimler had a habit of scaring the bejesus out of his neighbours. I'd like to honour that. 1/4
When Daimler was putting his 'grandfather clock' engine onto a carriage chassis, the noise from his greenhouse in Bad Cannstatt was alarming his neighbours so much that his gardener eventually led the police in - they'd suspected him of running a counterfeiting operation! 2/4
On November 18 1885, a brave 17 year old Paul Daimler climbed on his father's invention, the 'Reitwagen', and made the world's first motorcycle trip along the banks of the Neckar River, terrifying local with the roar of the 1/2hp engine.

Also the seat caught fire. 3/4
Read 4 tweets
Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 Profile picture
Feb 21, 2023
One thing that I don't think gets talked enough with folks experiencing ADD and/or living on the spectrum is the financial hit.

And I don't mean in a 'oops, didn't pay that bill way', but what years of grappling with if does to your job history and career progression.
There's loads of financial tools out there to help you keep track of where money is going - believe me, I use several.

However, there's not much that can be done when career progression has slowed due to ADD/ASD, but costs keep rising.

Working *harder* isn't an option.
Now, life patently isn't fair, and there is something to be said for hard graft.

Yet perhaps we need to examine and acknowledge that grey zone of those who high functioning, and can do some things really well - but end up driving themselves into the ground over time.
Read 6 tweets
Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 Profile picture
Feb 13, 2023
#ValentinesDay tomorrow. You may not know this, but I am, in fact, @TheLocalGermany's love guru, in addition to Southern Germany correspondent, culture observer & ad creative.

So, you want to date a German? Let me offer you 10 rules for wooing, and dating a German. Image
10. Don't worry if your German is sub-par, you'll barely get a chance to use it.

Many Germans are keen to practice their English, and while this may seem a rich seam of laughs, it's best to keep a straight face.

Anyway, how many language do *you* speak?
9. When the friendly barkeep approaches you whilst on a date, and says 'zusammen' (together) or 'getrennt' (seperated), he's talking about the bill, not inquiring after your relationship status.
Read 11 tweets
Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 Profile picture
Jan 25, 2023
Edward Berger's 'All Quiet on the Western Front' (DE: 'Im Westen Nichts Neues') has gathered nine nominations for the 2023 Oscars - including Best Picture, the only non-English film to make the cut.
It is third adaptation of Erich Maria Remarque's seminal anti-war novel, and the first German-language version.

It stars Felix Kammerer as Paul Bäumer - an enthusiastic volunteer to the Imperial German Army in 1917, as World War One rages.
Erich Maria Remarque, born 1898, based the novel on his own experiences on the Western Front, and upon publication in 1929 it became a bestseller around the world.

Remarque left Germany in 1931, before his works were banned by the Nazis as 'unpatriotic'. He died in 1970.
Read 5 tweets

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