i sit sipping coffee by the window in the kitchen
as the procession of the faithful summoned by sunday bells begins
car after car carrying people dressed up for god and each other
rolling by on the way to whatever form of worship soothes their souls
but i an impenitent unbeliever reject the credulity called faith
that’s been fractured and reshaped into innumerable incarnations
and whether or not there’s a judgmental old man in the sky
remain unworried about my final disposition
i haven’t been good enough to deserve heaven nor bad enough to deserve hell
so if he exists i’ll be lounging in some nebulous corner of the universe
with the vast majority of the great unwashed where the law of averages reigns
which is pretty much an approximation of the way i’m living now
Tho wonderful collection with 4 of my #poems along with other excellent writing in a variety of genres is available here: nightpicnic.net/vol-5-issue-3
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A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem & gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the train ride home.
He’d finished the book by the time he reached his stop. The man drove home from the station, stormed into the house, walked up to his wife and pointing a finger in her face said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!”
“I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight and when I'm finished eating my meal I expect a sumptuous dessert. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?”
An American soldier serving in
WWII was granted R&R after a long siege on the front limits and was on a train that was bound for London.
The train was very crowded &
sthe soldier walked the length of the train hoping to find an empty seat.
The only empty seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged Englishwoman & her little dog was in it.
An elderly man in Phoenix called his son in New York and said, I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man sayid.
"We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.” Then he hung up.
Frantic, the son called his sister, who exploded on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting a divorce, she shouted. “I'll take care of this."
She called Phoenix immediately and screamed at her father,
Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Joe was dying, Mike visited him every day.
One day Mike said, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favor – when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Joe looked up at Mike and said, “Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible I'll do this favor for you. Shortly after that, Joe passed on.
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have 2 cows. The government takes one & gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have 2 cows. The government seizes both & provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It’s expensive & sour.
Three couples married on the same Saturday and ended up staying at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were taken to their suites by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thought to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
The second man married a switchboard operator Dave thought to himself, "Lucky guy , they put on sexy voices." The third man married a teacher. Dave thought to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
The next morning Dave got a room service call for coffee from the nurse's husband who said, “Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary!’l