The Ministry Of Marriage
1./ A long time ago, I attended a bridal shower. Most of us guests were married. After the laughter and eating, we got to “That Part.”
The part where “Wise marital advice is given to the bride.”
There was A LOT. Do this, do that, be this, be that.
1./ A long time ago, I attended a bridal shower. Most of us guests were married. After the laughter and eating, we got to “That Part.”
The part where “Wise marital advice is given to the bride.”
There was A LOT. Do this, do that, be this, be that.
2./ Men like this, men like that. . . It went on ad nauseum.
When I got home, I was gisting hubby about it all and the many items on the “Marital Success To Do List” my friend had received.
When I paused, the man asked me; “Why do women like to set high jumps for themselves?”
When I got home, I was gisting hubby about it all and the many items on the “Marital Success To Do List” my friend had received.
When I paused, the man asked me; “Why do women like to set high jumps for themselves?”
3./ I was nonplussed. High jumps ke? Daddy wa? You have come again with your problem. Where is the high-jump inside this expo that people were giving a dear friend?
I asked him what he meant. He said to me; “Do you think that if her husband’s friends take him out,
I asked him what he meant. He said to me; “Do you think that if her husband’s friends take him out,
4./ they’ll spend their time giving him a list of do’s and don’ts?
Do you think he will be given a frightening list of things he must do if his marriage will work?
You women complain of oppression but no one oppresses women more than other women.
Do you think he will be given a frightening list of things he must do if his marriage will work?
You women complain of oppression but no one oppresses women more than other women.
5./ You guys have succeeded in putting fear of what to expect in your friend’s heart.”
But. . . But. . . I was ready to protest. Then I realised that here was a man telling me that he literally wouldn’t have been giving his guy dos and don’ts at a bachelor party.
But. . . But. . . I was ready to protest. Then I realised that here was a man telling me that he literally wouldn’t have been giving his guy dos and don’ts at a bachelor party.
6./ It was something to think about.
I also remember when I was newly married and a friend who hadn’t met my husband saw his picture and something made her ask; “Is he from XYZ place?” I said “Yes. How did you know?” She explained. Then she went on. “I wish you well oh!
I also remember when I was newly married and a friend who hadn’t met my husband saw his picture and something made her ask; “Is he from XYZ place?” I said “Yes. How did you know?” She explained. Then she went on. “I wish you well oh!
7./ But men from that place are terrible! My father is from there and I can tell you that my mum has seen shege. I hope your case will be different.” She didn’t sound hopeful of this.
Fear gripped me. What had I entered into? This man from this place with wicked people;
Fear gripped me. What had I entered into? This man from this place with wicked people;
8./ and I even have a lived example in the person of this friend. 🙆🏾♀️Temi ti baje!
But I was already married to the man and I couldn’t leave so soon after a big splashy wedding. I pleaded the blood of Jesus over my new marriage sha and we parted ways. I didn’t tell my husband.
But I was already married to the man and I couldn’t leave so soon after a big splashy wedding. I pleaded the blood of Jesus over my new marriage sha and we parted ways. I didn’t tell my husband.
9./ But I put him under observation for “Township wickedness.” Thankfully, my experience hasn’t been like her mother’s.
Those 2 events were instructive for me.
I do not deny that there are wicked spouses. Men and women. People have terrible lived experiences of marriage.
Those 2 events were instructive for me.
I do not deny that there are wicked spouses. Men and women. People have terrible lived experiences of marriage.
10./ Experiences that can make the most mild-mannered person want to draw blood.
But people also have good experiences.
What I do think is that sometimes in telling experiences, the negatives are more “appealing” to the ear because they confirm popular biases.
But people also have good experiences.
What I do think is that sometimes in telling experiences, the negatives are more “appealing” to the ear because they confirm popular biases.
11./ I also think that sometimes people in bad situations may unknowingly develop a martyr complex and subconsciously begin to glory in their suffering. They air it from time to time and seem to be saying; “See me oh! I’m suffering oh! But I’m a hero. I can take it.
12./ This Ministry of Marriage is for tough folk like me. Are you tough enough to take it on? It’s not a child’s play for kids like you.”
You can almost see them wanting to be awarded a medal for the suffering. They say stuff like “Don’t worry when you enter.”
You can almost see them wanting to be awarded a medal for the suffering. They say stuff like “Don’t worry when you enter.”
13./ Or “It’s because you don’t yet have a husband, or kids. You won’t understand.”
It is true that there are situations which you cannot understand until you face them. Sometimes this is said in good faith. But not always.
It is true that there are situations which you cannot understand until you face them. Sometimes this is said in good faith. But not always.
14./ NB: This is NOT a diminution of the wickedness some people experience in marriage.
My point is; there are extremes of good and bad. Then in between, there are various points on the spectrum. Our cases will differ and fall within multiple points on the spectrum.
My point is; there are extremes of good and bad. Then in between, there are various points on the spectrum. Our cases will differ and fall within multiple points on the spectrum.
15./ I prefer not to hype extremes; particularly negative extremes as if they are the norm. They aren’t.
In addition, apart from the exaggeration factor in some stories, the variables in character of the parties in a marriage may bring out the worst in each other.
In addition, apart from the exaggeration factor in some stories, the variables in character of the parties in a marriage may bring out the worst in each other.
16./ Everyone has their life and their own story to write. Each of us is responsible for the story we write and our part in our story as well as the point at which we may decide to write out/ delete characters in our story.
I filter what I take in.
I filter what I take in.
17./ I’m careful about those whom I even allow close enough to hear what they have to say. Because consistently imbibing certain information can affect my outlook and lead to self-fulfilment of negative prophecies in my life. I don’t want that for myself.
18./ Unfortunately, even when we take great care in making the choice of whom to write into our stories, life gives no guarantees. People change, permutations may be wrong, 1001 things can go wrong.
Nonetheless, life goes on and we must still write our stories.
Nonetheless, life goes on and we must still write our stories.
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
