Thread by @SophieRunning

A week to go til we hit the annual corporate calamity that is also known as #InternationalWomensDay2023 - if you are planning to participate in this branding bunfight here are some handy tips to survive until you have to do another 24 hours of performative feminism next year: ->

1. Pay your women speakers. Benchmark their rate around the last invoice you got from a top male consultant. If you're asking women who already work for you to organise this event, pay them overtime. Benchmark their rate at the last expenses bill you paid your top salesman.

2. Don't make anything pink.

3. At any panel event, refrain from asking either of these questions:
a. But is this really a problem?
b. What about men?

4. If you are planning an evening event, provide on-site childcare or pay babysitting fees. Benchmark the latter around your top male consultant's day rate.

5. Check your organisation's pay gap. Then cancel every event you had planned and do the work on the inside first. @PayGapApp is patrolling. Don't say I didn't warn you.

6. If you are planning to take lots of photographs of your staff posing for the annual hashtag, make sure they get to dress up like an 80s pop band, at least.

7. A social media slogan about appreciating all the women who slog for you doesn't cut it. If you want to recognise the female talent in your organisation, either give them all the day off (paid), or ask all the men in your organisation to leave early for school pick-up.

8. Avoid suggestions that equality will make for a softer, gentler workplace. More hugs at the end of difficult meetings, etc. Women aren't naturally empathetic. Mostly and especially now, they're very pissed off. Ignore this point at your peril.

9. Have a look at last year's proclamations about improving female representation at the top, on the board, in middle-management, on your R&D teams. If these airy claims have not been met, I refer to you to point 5. Cancellation of your #IWD2023 is always an option.

10. If at any point on March 8 you find yourself thinking WHY AM I DOING THIS - Congratulations, you have finally stumbled on the essential rule of #IWD2023: Don't do anything without first asking the women you take for granted 364 days a year what they might want, instead.

ps 10a. Do not, on any account, host any #IWD2023 training courses for women on how to be confident like men, learn to ask better for a pay rise like men, or memorise handy tips to get that promotion that keeps going to their male colleague.
Or you'll have me to deal with.

pps 10b: make sure your contractual fine print agrees to full payment of any women you've hired, in the event of last-minute cancellation when you realise you've bitten off more than you can chew.