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Dreamweasel Profile picture
@Dreamweasel
Apr 22, 2023 • 7 tweets • 2 min read • Read on X
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A #CATURDAY THREAD:

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More from @Dreamweasel

Dreamweasel Profile picture
Sep 2
TEN REASONS DONALD TRUMP MIGHT NOT GET INTO HEAVEN

10. Was supposed to dutifully follow the Ten Commandnents and avoid the Seven Deadly Sins; not vice versa

9. Still some debate among Biblical scholars as to which of our 45,000 sects of Christianity is actually the correct one
8. Has occasionally been known to wear garments with mixed fabrics and eat meat on Fridays

7. Elon Musk still working on that industrial-strength Cyberneedle with an eye big enough for a camel to fit through
6. St. Peter will probably just be insulted when Trump tries to slip him a C-note

5. Heaven not exactly overflowing with pathological liars and thieves who sexually assaulted multiple women
Read 6 tweets
Dreamweasel Profile picture
Aug 31
TEN THINGS FOX NEWS MIGHT POSSIBLY SAY ON THE BLESSED DAY WHEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS

10. As shocking and horrifying as it may sound, we have heard reports that Muslims are definitely celebrating in the streets of New Jersey
9. We have been assured that Melania Trump is wearing a red dress because red was her husband’s favorite color

8. Frankly, we’ve never seen so many Irish wakes spontaneously break out in our lives
7. This economic consequences of this tragic story are swift and immediate, as you can see from the empty shelves where most grocery stores would stock champagne

6. Is the Biden Crime Family responsible? We certainly cannot rule it out
Read 7 tweets
Dreamweasel Profile picture
Aug 10
TEN POSSIBLE DOWNSIDES OF DONALD TRUMP SHUFFLING OFF THIS MORTAL COIL AND LEAVING THIS WORLD FOREVER

A Thought Experiment

10. Presidential funeral will be a long, drawn-out media event that would likely pre-empt the season premiere of LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
9. Pallbearers might be at accelerated risk for hernias and lower back pain

8. The American people will be denied the satisfaction of sending him to prison for committing multiple obvious crimes in broad daylight
7. The wild revelry and nonstop celebration in the streets of every city in America might lead to some headaches and hangovers the next day
Read 7 tweets
Dreamweasel Profile picture
Aug 4
GOP, 2016: He’s not perfect, but I support the deeply uninformed racist and sexist pathological liar

GOP, 2018: He’s not perfect, but I support the deeply uninformed racist and sexist pathological liar who secretly met with the Kremlin
GOP, 2020: He’s not perfect, but I support the deeply uninformed racist and sexist pathological liar who secretly met with the Kremlin and let half a million people die in a pandemic
GOP, 2022: He’s not perfect, but I support the deeply uninformed racist and sexist pathological liar who secretly met with the Kremlin and let half a million people die in a pandemic and tried to overthrow the 2020 election
Read 6 tweets
Dreamweasel Profile picture
Jul 18
Spotted in the grocery store parking lot. I wonder how the owner knows? Image
TEN WAYS TO TELL THAT YOUR DOG IS A REPUBLICAN

10. Acts irrationally nervous around Haitian immigrants

9. Doesn’t appear terribly concerned about the long-term consequences of raising tariffs
8. Detects no obvious conflict of interest when a sitting U.S. President hawks merchandise from the White House lawn

7. Has, at best, only a dim memory of Donald Trump’s campaign promises to lower the price of groceries and end the war in Ukraine
Read 7 tweets
Dreamweasel Profile picture
Jul 8
REPUBLICANS DON’T CARE IF TRUMP DID IT

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
I don’t know if the fabled flight logs to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island will ever revealed to the public.

But there one thing I can tell you: if Donald Trump’s name is on it, Republicans will be fine with it.
If more sordid details emerge, and it is revealed that Donald Trump did in fact have sex with underage girls while on Epstein’s private island, I absolutely guarantee that Republicans will be fine with it.

Does anybody seriously expect this to play out any differently?
Read 16 tweets

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