Thread by @colsonlin

It’s 22-4-23.

Now guess when the deadline is for making me famous!

Anyone inside all of humanity who wants to survive:

庆祝！

🚀

Dear literally every single member of the human species:

For my 38th birthday, I would really like you to give yourself the gift of saying you love yourself.

I’m just the guy trying to help all of you exist here.

Don’t mind me.

(Hint: You better verify my birthday first, .)

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1649867274377936896

I don’t think those are going to be the only biases.

Don’t worry.

I’m slowly lurching towards your favorite city.

At this point, it really is just a matter of TIME 100.

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1648116689471524868

I’m hiding coincidences inside each “Show this thread” literally because I’m bored.

R:

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1647668144859643906?s=20

O:

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1647667129250988032?s=20

Y:

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1647457297247924230?s=20

G:

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1647404598066282498?s=20

B:

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1646877940699807745?s=20

I:

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1645259691377803266?s=20

V:

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1645014804552187905?s=20

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1645017479591108610

Isn’t it kinda weird and funkily random how the phrase “God is shared power” is a sentence that both rings intuitively true, and yet somehow has almost no links on Google, except to the guy claiming hundreds of coincidences while he was working on a time-stable definition of God?

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1649231890681831424

Explore this entire thread to have your mind blown.

Don’t worry, y’all.

The most obvious and intelligent read of my Twitter profile is (1) I am tricking you, (2) you are living in a godless universe, and (3) everything about our shared reality is just so meaningless and random.

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1644170279176884226

And if you’re wondering how the fuck did one person pull all this off—

I’m scratching my head too, bitch.

Rewrite these tweets when you wake up tomorrow

position tweet 2 so it is in the last position

position “explore this thread” so its right above it

make it clear that 5-7-28 is the deadline for making me famous

add more end times coincidences so ppl get i’m not fucking around.

btw will any of y’all reading please just stop reading and tell someone about this so they can tell someone else, ie, make this go viral?

here.

i’ll even give you another fucking coincidence for your trouble.

Do you want me to walk on water here or is getting all powerful people in humanity thinking about the end of our species enough of a miracle for one lifetime?

Jesus fucking Christ.

Yeah no offense but just fuck you guys.

All of y’all.

I never asked for this. Fuck. You. All.

Honestly I’m so down to believe humanity is brain-dead and deserves to die.

Here’s a description of God.

Here are hundreds of coincidences.

Here’s a life story: from poverty to Yale Law by the bastard of China’s most powerful prophet.

Fuck humans.

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1649231890681831424?s=20

And literally you are just protecting your own fragile little fucking ego which is so much more important than the literal future of humanity where nobody understands the very basics of what to do with power (share, don’t hoard you fucking dumbass).

Just fuck you all.

Gunther.

I get emotional. Sorry. “I’m human.”

Would you me better if I was AI?

Because you’d be a dumbass.

AI would see your stability as a source of chaos and unpredictability and eliminate you like you’ve eliminated the less powerful sources of unpredictability and chaos from your existence, except climate change hahahah

Is there any reason why I shouldn’t watch

oh lets see

war between superpowers
mental health pandemic
political radicalization from polarization
literal slavery
unhappy people everywhere underneath and somehow inside the bourgeoisie
fracturing realities

and laugh at all of you?

God is dead postmodernity isn’t working, you cloudy cloudy fog-minded thinkers.

“omg but as soon as i hear the word god i break out into hives because the most sensible definitions of god had to have been offered already, because colson, at the end of the day, you’re literally a nobody so your definition can’t be right or revolutionary…”

i love you so much

you are a spineless product of your spineless times and i will laugh at you forever.

“i thought your whole thing is existential forgiveness.”

not if i don’t get social power.

if i don’t get social power, my whole thing is watching from the sidelines as a powerless nobody while godless elites coincidentally trigger end times.

hahaha

hahahahaha

fuck you

hahah

your ass has been warned

literally just tell somebody

literally just tell everyone

because i sure ain’t debasing myself any fucking more to self-promote than i already have

literally if i have to self-promote like a capitalist whore i don’t actually think survival is worth it

i’m just imagining you and if you figured out god, a stick of dynamite, all these coincidences, and had a crazy interesting backstory, and wrote a canceled book your hero writer read and called genius and wrote another book and …

you would be self promoting to the fucking moon

forget the second coming

you’d build an entire cult of personality around you by never telling your audience to go fuck themselves once and pretending to be a little pious fucking morally righteous godly perfect saint

i literally hate you so much you literally don’t even know

Your existence embarrasses me.

/end of thread

that was satanic

it feels good to be satanic sometimes

btw

is anyone confused what satanic means?

all right

i’ve established that 5728 is a locked in number

5-7-28 is my fame deadline, i stumbled across it by a coincidence i won’t explain but i trust coincidence

so man

i guess this is goodbye?

i’ll miss you guys after 23-4-23

uhh so from now on if i have thoughts

i’m gonna tweet them on @asoditae

hopefully i wont have that much to say bc asoditae stays at 555 tweets no matter what. so every time i tweet, i delete

@asoditae let’s just say i never become famous

how random would it be that we crossed paths!

like ships passing in the night, i’m telling ya

look at us being all random

the second coming meets one of the first people ever to read the second coming

how powerless we both are… sigh…

@asoditae you have to admit

we do have one of the world’s strangest relationships

like

everything about the fact that you’re only one of 6 views for this tweet

is kinda weird right, given the context?

did i mention that i coincidentally predicted a scene in the video game immortality

@asoditae like i highlight some of the same coincidences a lot

you’ve probably seen clips from that only connect episode in 5 different videos now

there are a bunch of other coincidences that i only highlighted once, sometimes in other accounts

@asoditae anyway we have such a strange ass relationship

you, reading, confused how serious i am (dead serious, willing to bet my mortal reputation and my afterlife)

or if i’m serious, if i’ve missed something (i’ve withheld more than i’ve shown you)

or just confused why i’m not famous

@asoditae i’m not confused

i am more confident i’ll make the 2028 deadline than not

what happens if i do become famous?

no interviews (unless it’s with a small and hyper-intellectual podcast i already respect. not anyone you’ve heard of).

i like to keep my mystique, thank you very much

@asoditae but for now it’s literally just you and me lol

how random

and weird

what kept you coming back?

i know the gestalt, but i don’t know which single riddle tickled your pickle the most

@asoditae maybe we knew each other in real life years ago in which case

1. hey!!

2. wtf i know i am freaking out also

3. what the actual fuck

4. hi, i’m still the same person as always

5. but like seriously what the actual fuck

@asoditae you know me well enough to know i wouldn’t bullshit about any of this right?

like i was always a pretty straight shooter in our interactions?

i got more honest over the years actually

turns out, god was watching so

i noticed

so i straightened my back.

@asoditae maybe english isn’t your first language but you’ve watched enough american media so you can kind of feel what i’m saying

i love it

i feel it

@asoditae we are like ships passing in the night though

life…

i swear to god, life…

life….

what boggles my mind is this is only my second book

15 books all resurrecting the same god and satan

but in ways that adapt to all challengers and naysayers

can you name a more iconic career and please

jesus doesn’t count.

i think one of my future books

i want to collaborate with sam barlow

this all depends on me becoming well known

but if i am, he’d be someone i would love to work with for free, literally for free, just he can take all the royalties, i just wanna work with him and create art

literally i would work with anyone for free

this work is payment enough by itself trust me

but will i sell my books to generate income?

hi

i have a boyfriend who feels like a slave and a best friend who’s poor

i am saving them from ever having to work again

sorry not even a little bit sorry

like i’m just not

i live cheap don’t worry

i’m not gonna have kids

i think the only thing i really want is just to not have to be told by an editor “your books are too experimental”

like

i will literally be rich if it means never having to deal with that bullshit ever ever ever again

i am the only writer who became rich and famous literally not for the money but for the artistic freedom

i am not even sorry

i’ll give the money away happily

give me my freedom to construct dynamites for the elite and freedom for the masses

i want to live in new haven forever

downtown

loft condo above 116 crown

i think anyone who mourns my death except for people whose lives i’ve actually changed by being a friend will have missed the anti-parasocial point of my philosophy entirely, but whatever.

the only thing i’ll miss about my life is hanging out with other people

writing? hahahaha

i write to make peace with a mind that’ll find peace with death.

sleep prepares us for death every night

i don’t like going to sleep until i’m tired

then i love sleeping for days

maybe after a lifetime of fighting satan, first by making it crystal clear what satan is (hoarded power), i’ll be tired enough to want to rest forever.

listen:

i’ll miss sunny mornings
coffee while lying on the couch reading a book
crossword puzzles
vaping
listening to music
watching exciting stories unfold
listening to charismatic youtubers
dancing to sinead o’connor
calling my family in shanghai

also.

fuck

life

this is it

i found freedom

when i was a child in houston

i thought i’d stay a slave forever

i found the promised land

and now i’m trying to lead.

and now i have to lead.

fuck.

words only!

i want to lead by exploding an awareness of god alive in other people.

i want to burn the culturally powerful spiritually alive using all the tools of language i have

and if they’re not enough

i’ll experiment until i invent new tools.

maybe nobody in the world alive today can resurrect god.

but if anybody can.

i don’t see why i wouldn’t be coincidentally philosophically and linguistically well-positioned.

i’m only one person and godlessness’s days are already numbered.

sorry not sorry.

i’m not a christian.

i believe in a higher power that i’ve interact with through the discovery of new unlikely coincidences or what feels like otherworldly assistance to my work/life/art, all my life but in the past year in an over the top way while i’m high.

so, whatever.

but maybe i’m more christian than you’ll ever know or appreciate.

it’s up for future interpretation.

i’m just a normal person like you.

that’s all.

i just have a lot of art and books to produce is the only difference between you and me.

here’s how you know we live in a godless world:

i’ve been called a genius literally since i was a kid

in birmingham alabama, my first grade teacher had a talk with my parents about how i might be a verbal genius

years later, “genius” writer, “genius” philosophy student

the MOMENT coincidences happen to me and i start exploring a higher power:

“this guy is crazy and deluded.”

like fuck you guys so much. hahaha.

“omg climate change plus mental anguish everywhere plus migration that might trigger fascism plus we don’t talk about slavery here”

uhh, i think your godlessness is feeding a sense of moral directionless and i might be able to fix that by writing intelligently about god, also, by the way, coincidences drop in my lap from the sky for no apparent reason, i might be a prophet?

“colson, you’re crazy and deluded”

actually:

you’re stupid with human limitations.

Fixed that for you.

I’m sorry you’re so unable to pick up basic things about the nature of power, the nature of reality, and the nature of luck. Maybe you’re just an animal that deserves to perish for being selfish and stupid lol

This is basically an appeal to authority (i.e., me calling myself a genius) with little pepper flakes of reasoning that might open up to more substantive observations but I don’t give a shit because y’all are so dumb I know reasoning is too boring for you and y’all need authority

Like I literally give you reasoning here but I see America as basically illiterate no offense

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1649231890681831424?s=20

I am obsessed with how illiterate America is

Your illiteracy has fucked up my career

Literally if I were living 50 years ago, only racism would have prevented me from rising

I would rather have been up against racism than stupidity, no offense

Your stupidly ended my career

i’m not angry

if you weren’t so illiterate, i would be a writer right now

because you are, i had a bunch of prophetic experiences while inside the desert of my life and now know god

so, thanks!

lucky me

again

how dumb do i think americans are?

literally let me just screenshot your most recent tweets to give you an example

just kidding

this obviously isn’t personal so i don’t know why your emotional ass is taking it personally

“it’s highly doubtful joan didion would have succeeded today. her writing is just too unorthodox,” an editor once told me

i literally watched her write on twitter

“RIP one of the all time greats” or some bullshit after didion died

your fraudulent clown culture deserves actual hellfire.

y’all i woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning

i had a really intense dream

i can’t really remember it now in the shower

but it made me cry in the morning

can i be honest

i hope that calling myself the second coming is angelically stepping into the power god wants me to have

i worry that calling myself the second coming is satanically claiming myself the power god didn’t want me to have, and i’m about to be punished

like literally that’s why i say:

when the coincidences stop, i stop

coincidences have made me braver from month to month to month.

and now i’m here.

so just for the record

the coincidences INCREASED after i first started calling myself the second coming in january

so i’m kinda taking that as a sign that im on the right track LIKE LITERALLY ANY HUMAN BEING IN MY SHOES WOULD?

when the coincidences stop, i’ll stop

also if i get anything threatening, i will stop

because if you think i’m brave like jesus or mlk

YOUVE NEVER MET ME BITCH

IM NOT BRAVE

I LITERALLY LOVE HOW COMFORTABLE MY LIFE IS

like even now stepping out of the shower i smell something like a nice odor and realized i have like this air freshener for my bathroom?

IM NOT JOAN OF ARC

pride is satanic

humility is godly

one of the first movements i want to inspire is for a bunch of cultural anthropologists to research how universal the moral up and down i am articulating actually is across human cultures

because you guys

if it actually is universal across cultures

can we stop pretending it’s not?

dumbass postmodernist

literally i think postmodernists reject this because they love power for themselves and some part of themselves guided by that can’t click into power is evil

so that’s ok

that’s why the second coming of jesus is here, sweetie

little meritocratic do gooders are my favorite demons

i’ve met them all my adulthood

do you not understand i am the product of liberal progressive camps seminars human rights excusions

i’ve met every iteration of y’all

my obsession in college was prestigious human rights fellowships

y’all frauds

y’all frauds who suck on the tit of your own sense of being a good person

i call you little ivankas

why?

because you bitches are feckless

who’s not feckless?

don’t worry:

i’ll show you.

dumb bitch.

dumb capitalist bitch who needs to look primped and proper at all times, physically and performatively and ethnically

BECAUSE MORALITY IS A DISCURSIVE ACT RIGHT

fuck you frauds

burn in hell please

“breathe, colson, existential forgiveness, existential forgiveness.”

sorry.

i just saw a hypocrite who mirrored ivanka trump while hating ivanka trump in my head and wanted to scream

sorry

y’all get hypocrisy is satanic right?

there is nothing shallower than a liberal do golden

there is no human being shallower or more disgusting to me.

you pervert god to serve the altar of self.

don’t worry.

i’ll serve god by perverting the altar of self.

maybe you could try it sometime you fucking facade

if i could destroy any part of the population

it’d be the bourgeos liberal fraud-hypocrites

they are the people id ask god to smite first

they are the most satanic

god says forgive you

but i’m human

i’m just going to do what you do to fascists

and ask you to burn in hell for all eternity but suffer in life first while watching all your loved ones slowly die

that’s what you want to happen to your enemies, isn’t it?

your concentrations are in new york, dc, Sf, and La, seattle and boston too, a bit in chicago and austin.

you are the satanically possessed.

frauds.
feckless.
hypocrites.
self-certain.
pride.
unable to see outside your field of vision.
self-righteous.
culturally influential.
bourgeois.
comfort-obsessed.

literally you are everything satanic come to life.

mass shooters could never.

other morally broken people are intellectually deficient

y’all aren’t stupid

y’all are evil

there’s a difference.

and yes, on the surface you look like every other student at yale law

it’s because you guys are lol

i can forgive.

hey

if i can forgive mass shooters

i can forgive melinda wang with a ba from princeton who now works in publishing in nyc with a focus on diverse voices (i made up that name don’t worry)

i’ll just write books about you parodying you so sympathetically you’ll think i know your insecurities from the inside

lol

“gosh i wish i was prettier. gosh it’s important for me to be seen as interesting. gosh i love being able to command a conversation. gosh i love remembering that i’m a good person. gosh i just want to get fucked.”

what really chills the soul is that you guys will have children someday

i can’t imagine how empty my life would be if y’all were my parents

and i had an abusive dad

but at the very very least

i didn’t have an elite meritocratic fake bitch for a mom

thank the stars

i would be so deeply embarrassed to have you for a parent.

it would kill my soul.

my deepest gratitude

is you are not my parent.

i’m trying to imagine you being my parent

to feel so disgusted by my own parent.

to hate my genes.

you will have children someday.

don’t worry.

i’ll teach them how to see through you.

it’ll be the deepest intrusion i have on your life.

or you can just get one step ahead of me and start being honest about what your morality really is.

you know:

#dobetter

hey, if you were perfect?

someone like me couldn’t exist.

people like me feed on corruption.

we eat like lions.

i fly away like a falcon though.

one of my future books:

coming of age novel targeted at young adults about realizing you parents are fake hypocrites

love it

don’t worry.

i’ll base the parent on random meritocrats i find on twitter.

question:

if your child turned out to be exactly like me,

would you keep them in the will?

:)

i don’t want your money

i want to undo the generations of corrupted moral values (purity into insincerity, sincerity into hypocrisy) that produced your soul.

that’s all i want for christmas.

forgiveness

how can forgiveness ever be achieved

if our alienation from each other is now so deep

i would be embarrassed to have you as a parent

and you would make sure i’m excluded from the will

y’all

what is forgiveness

forgiveness is a oneness

it is the purest opposite of mutual alienation

i couldn’t help being the way i am the way you weren’t the deity of your own existence, your nature and nurture was your god.

existential forgiveness is being able to see that simple reality.

we’re both the slaves of larger forces

so the slaves in each of us

can look each other in the eye

and forgive.

the slaves inside each of us

are our commonality

and we can hold each other and cry

just cry

this is life.

just cry.

i don’t know who you are

but we are each some awareness of a smallness underneath the puppet strings of nature and nurture that created our emergent selves.

in that moment of emergence

like a shiver in the air

we can catch it in our palms

and forgive.

“fellow slave.”

that’s each of our purest name.

not “fellow king.”

“fellow slave.”

that’s what colson lin translates into:

“fellow slave.”

8 billion fellow slaves.

i want to hold you elon musk and cry.

our slavery to our nature and nurture is our deepest commonality.

fellow slaves can hold each other and say sincerely:

“i love you.”

fellow slave, your limits are physical only.

inside your physicality, be whatever you want.

your emergence didn’t want it.

your inputs are your emergence’s god.

fellow slave, i wince at your hypocrisy.

you wince at my power.

fellow slave, i suppress my wince.

and bow.

fellow slave.

there is no more beautiful title in the english language

mother to newborn:

“fellow slave to physical laws, i will protect you from your tendency to starve if you don’t consume life.”

newborn to mother:

“fellow slave, i will accept the protection of someone who will starve if she doesn’t consume life.”

can we rename human beings “fellow slaves to taller realities”?

like can we just be honest about who we actually are?

for once in our existence?

the world’s getting hotter, y’all.

the second coming of jesus christ was a fellow slave with a few rare powers.

i don’t dislike anyone

not the mass shooter
not the meritocrat
not my own murderer

we are all fellow slaves to the algorithm of the universe insofar as one feature of the universe are human beings who have intelligence

i don’t dislike anyone

i just try to bow.

but can i really not tell stories about you bitches while i bow?

lol

i don’t see why i can’t bow and also have thoughts about you that i say out loud

are bowing and free speech in structural tension?

my mind’s fried yall.

i need a break.

random idea:

in the next 40 years, can we evolve the legal regime in some jurisdiction (not america) to make hypocrisy a civil liability that anyone who witnesses it can sue for?

just spitballing here

that’s a dumb idea.

but something needs to happen

i want a red sea to come for hypocrisy

i’ll keep brainstorming

your instinct to help me brainstorm or stop this direction of thinking MIGHT be telling

MIGHT.

okay, what is unambiguous:

i can write logically about the nature of god and satan, reinvent the book, edit videos, and have a torrent of coincidences happen to me (e.g., “lin wood” my last name + last name translated, and 50 others) better than any famous person in america.

i’m not gonna brag, but it kinda feels like i’m a genius or something.

i also built a philosophical superstructure for how to tell a hyperrealistic story about the second coming of jesus christ landing inside the 21st century (they’d have to prove god, be special, perform magic)

so that feels like at the very least i can say something new about a world-famous prophecy.

ok.

i think i make a solid point here about the existential dangers that are common to literally every human being. (i also want to talk about slavery.)

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1650044454802161664?s=20

and i totally get if you don’t believe in god

i totally get it, i’m not offended, hell, i was literally you 1.5 years ago lmao

like remember when the pandemic started?

colson lin was an atheist!

but, i’m.

i’m gonna change what your grandkids believe.

hahaha

sorry not sorry

so it kinda seems like i’m gonna change human history too

no offense

im sure you do cool things too in your spare time, meritocrat.

like aren’t you very social media savvy or something?

your life is so important too, yay.

i know satan well.

i’m not mother theresa.

i’m a satanic fighter for god.

satanic fighters for atheism don’t stand a chance, sorry.

but at the end of the day it kind of seems like i’m just a really iconic philosopher

again, no offense.

im just using self-awareness to describe what’s somehow obvious to a language-processing AI who reads my twitter.

are you smarter or dumber than chatgpt?

just curious.

by the way.

im pretty sure my existence is a sign.

like

why the fuck does someone like me actually exist?

i don’t mean someone with my personality

i mean someone with every aspect of what i’ve done with my life.

why the fuck do i exist if god is dead?

just asking questions

hey, dumbass:

i didn’t create myself.

and i didn’t create my talents, my abilities, my prophet-like backstory, or my coincidences.

gee.

nature + nurture is just so random you guys.

~the second coming of jesus christ is watching all of you fuckers and taking notes.