Thread by @segenyan

When war broke out in Tigray, my kids with their father were stranded in Mekelle while I was in AA. In the morning when I woke up to the news on the internet, my then friends started calling to break the news one at a time at which point my body was shaking.1/n

I spontaneously lashed out on my Facebook wall, as if the world could hear and do something, including God! I continued receiving mixed phone calls throughout the day, some asking genuinely if I am ok while others were only prying if I knew some intel!2/n

Even if my head was imagining the worst case scenario, I stayed calm and responded all will be well soon… at least that’s what I wanted to hear for myself.
But when the radio stations started playing Tilahun Gessese famous war song ‘Ethiopia’ 3/n

which was usually broadcasted when the country went to war with a foreign force..but now for our own brothers and sisters! The pain started to kick in. The cruel and sad stories coming out over the internet few days in to the war, clearly showed 4/n

we were in for a long and destructive road that was designed for #TigrayGenocide. I even witnessed when there was a one-minute clapping session for ENDF on the streets of Addis Ababa to honor its mission in Tigray 🤦🏽‍♀️ while my entire family and heritage were trapped. 5/n

But to this point I will never forget how the news of war brought a helplessness and mostly powerlessness feeling. It tore my inside with a mix of rage, anger, and ended up depressed eventually led to disrespect for “Ethiopianism” 6/n

My gut burnt with a cocktail of emotions, I could taste its awful palate on my tongue (honestly not a metaphor). Being stabbed in the heart, betrayal and mostly waking up stateless in the midst of savages and war mongers threw me out of place. My dream crumbled on my face.7/n

It killed all the motivation I had to wake up every day and go to work.
I decided to mostly spend my evenings at home surfing aimlessly and extrapolate information unlike my previous socially active life. Sleeplessness coupled with loss of appetite gave me a weak energy to 8/n

face the day, and ended up underweight at 40kgs. In just a month, I was depressed and developed alopecia (ላሽ) on my hair since my body couldn’t bear the emotional turmoil. My decision to come to Mekelle once opened was never ever to feel such pain from far among others. 9/n

Our diaspora community have been highly affected in this regards. Imagining worst case scenario, and hearing traumatic news I would say is as distressing as actually going through it. Even if studies say intense feelings of 10/n

anxiety, sadness, grief and anger are healthy and appropriate, but some people may have a more profound and debilitating reaction to war. This reactions could range from physical pain up to emotional and psychological. 11/n

Even if your relentless effort as diaspora in advocacy and contribution in all means, have made sure #Tigray remained in global agenda, the most dangerous thing is, neglecting oneself, when immersed in pain.
12/n

If I were to stay in the same situation I was in prior to coming to Mekelle, I might ended up in a very bad place unless I took a conscious decision to stop the misery and the mental fatigue I was enduring. 13/n

Therefore, we need to understand the first and most important person we need to fight for is ourselves. If we don’t give enough attention to our wellbeing, then our enemies have succeeded in defeating us at all levels. 14/n

As we can see, those that should have nightmares and resign for the crisis are moving on with their lives, which could be yet another source of pain. But note that we are no good to any cause if we are not healthy and love ourselves and life first; if we r to serve others! 15/n

Even if #Tigray is in a state of “peace” we still have to deal with trauma and remaining issues that seek our resilience to be a voice for the voiceless. So we ought it to ourselves to watch for signs of our health if they impair our ability to function in our daily life. 16/n

We can browse the internet if we have any of this lingering symptoms of war trauma and talk to someone or seek professional help. For those in #Tigray and around I hear this good news from @haqi_foundation and we should all use it.

https://twitter.com/haqi_foundation/status/1649849501216022537?s=46&t=1zuRFzYL-RaxA78uGKYKTQ

17/n

One of the most important thing I have noticed from moving back home is, it is important to connect with family and friends even if they are in the worst conditions. For those that can make a trip I highly recommend it, as it’s part of a healing process. 18/n

For those who still can’t come home for various reasons, let’s keep talking about this issue of mental health, while taking care of yourselves and limiting your exposure to negative news and keep positive works. But most of all ask for help if and when you feel burned out. 19/n