Thread by @colsonlin

a temporary one for before the video is uploaded

https://twitter.com/colsonlin/status/1648037779127824398

yall

i just got high and i’m just gonna “vibe”

which means i’m tapping into your perceptions of me

you don’t know what i’m like

so you think this is weird

let me assure you:

I am surrounded by friends.

Surrounded.

I am an Asian-American.

I came out with too many friends.

take screenshots if you trust me.

don’t take screenshots if you don’t.

those are your only 2 options.

(I’m a graduate of Yale Law School.)

it’s funny.

- gay
- grew up poor
- immigrant
- perfect SAT score (did NOT take classes)
- yale law
- book deal with beacon press

Love:

requires trust, and I trust Beacon Press to understand that I am naming them only because it will come out someday if I do.

If go anywhere with this project, I will go viral. That’s the only destination if this gets any media attention.

“the second coming is a relatable stoner”

I apologize to Beacon Press.

I apologize for loving my work so much I seemed like a narcissist.

Back then I didn’t believe in God.

I bow to Beacon Press.

You, just like literally everbody else, are just doing their best.

All right, with that out of the way—

Here’s my best:

I coincidentally can tap into our collective subconscious when I’m high.

I mean you tell me.

You tell me if I’ve made sense to you so far.

No, seriously.

Everybody in humanity.

Literally, regardless of culture, tribe, or any of that environmental bullshit.

Show me some DNA.

You have an hour to take screenshots.

I am deleting these tweets at 7 PM.

That’s a promise.

I make it below when I say the video is coming at 7 (ok realistically anywhere from 7-11pm, i’m stoned).

But anyway, coincidentally I can produce innovative new arguments for God.

wow

“It’s like if Jesus was just a regular human who heard voices from God, and told stories about what he heard, and messed with the elite, no like, seriously fucked with the elites of his time, fucked with the powerful, listen—yo.

What if Jesus was never killed?

What if he lived?

what if he lived under the guise of a postmodern story

because hey postmodernists:

GOD IS DEAD!

THIS isn’t blasphemous,

because there is no God!

So, like, to everyone who believes in God:

Can you rationally understand I am literally trying to help?

I’m SORRY if I hurt your

ego.

I’m hurting my ego too.

I’m afraid to die.

I’m afraid one of you religious nutjobs (“uhhh he made god female, uhhh, kill him”) or powerful people (“He’s claiming a Godly amount of power. Kill him”) will kill me.

Can y’all just like, please, not?

What if Jesus had lived?

I’m gonna do my best impression of Jesus now.

Oh look.

It’s from this yellow wristband I had when I was a loser in high school.

It said:

“LIVESTRONG.”

I’m living strong, y’all!

Isn’t that supposed to be celebrated?

Hey, I have a question.

Why do 180 people follow me?

Why do my posts get more clicks than impressions, and yet nobody interacts with me?

Is it because collectively you guys have all decided that you were smarter than me, too smart to engage with “this is obviously bullshit”?

Or is it because not a single one of you can say:

This is obviously just postmodernist art, you guys.

It’s just really—INVENTIVE, you know?

It’s just really EXPRESSIVE.

Strike a pose.

Come on, guys.

What are you waiting for?

Strike a pose and pretend you believe I exist.

You’ll luck out that way.

You see:

I actually do exist.

I told the truth about my life.

Verifiably.

Now’s the part where I bring in the world’s media:

Uh, you can start with:

“Did he have a book deal with Beacon Press to publish THE PURE PRODUCTS OF AMERICA, a book explicitly about the existence of God, that was canceled in May 2021?”

Your rationale is:

“I understand him.”

I understand everything he’s said because I’m a smart person.

He’s presented evidence that I can’t dismiss out of hand.

So now I’m going to verify it like the job of a journalist.

Oh my god.

It’s like I’m a journalist or something.

cuz I’ve been verifying the American elite.

hey, i want all of the masses to hear this:

“I’m ready to tell the masses my assessment of the human existential situation, and it’s not good news. you can do something about it. here’s my judgment.”

but in order to that,

i need to be funny.

no.

kidding.

I need to be famous

Is this—or is this not—a relatable feeling in America?

Can anybody help me out here?

Why doesn’t anybody vote in my polls?

There is ambiguity among every human being in the world right now about whether or not I am in touch with a transcendent higher power.

That’s okay.

I can literally use reason and empiricism to prove that I am.

If that’s false:

You’ll figure it out.

If that’s true:

#youtoo

So what do you say folks?

Are you on-board with the preposterous scenario of the literal Second Coming of Jesus Christ touching down into the 21st century to end slavery and stop nuclear war, AI, and climate change or is that just TOO GOOD OF A STORY.

I get it.

I'm #borntodie

Oh, look.

Just like you.

The only intelligent species in the reality we can perceive.

ChatGTP says cults are analogous to artificial intelligence that’s now risen up everywhere.

ChatGTP stands for:

Chat God to Power.

I do.

#youtoo.

All of y’all already believe in the same God.

G.

How’d that happen?

“He’s manipulating us using language and stories!”

I know, poor thing.

Stories are structurally inevitable to how we perceive reality.

They’re caused by affect.

We tell ourselves stories in order to live.

The second thing you can verify:

“When he lost the book deal, is it true that he wanted to model the book after Joan Didion’s SLOUCHING TOWARDS BETHLEHEM?”

“Is it true that ‘Slouching Towards Bethlehem’ is an illusion to a poem called ‘The Second Coming’?”

This was inevitable.

My appearance in your reality signals the arrival of a postmodern way to talk about the nature of our shares reality.\
\

Listen, you guys.

Here’s the problem with postmodernity:

It’s born to die.

It takes a lot of intelligent effort to continue to survive.

Do humans have it?

End Times has already started.

With or without me.

I’m literally just an LGBT minority with a Yale Law degree and a perfect SAT score-stoner trying to help.

There’s a song playing in the background right now.

It’s called “Deeper and Deeper With Billie Holliday.”

As far as I know, because I haven’t kept in touch with him, a man can confirm that the first time I had a mystical experience was on February 27, 2022, the same night Mars met the Seven Sisters in astrology according to Bing AI, who knows everything true and false about me—

said

something like “yo i love billie holiday, can i come out here and vibe with you?”

something like that.

i’m trying to capture the vibe of that evening.

he was a near-stranger.

but he changed my life.

do not seek him.

he hasn’t given you permission to be sought.

By the way,

Dear the American media:

You write all the time about consent.

But do you always ask for permission when you seek out answers?

Nobody has to contact me.

I don’t do interviews.

Seek out the answers in some other way like tried-and-true journalists.

God’s landed.

Is there literally anyone in America intelligent enough to care?

To all media gatekeepers:

This test falls squarely on your shoulders!

The rest of humanity has given you the consent to take the test for all of humanity.

If this is ambiguous—bring me to the masses.

Verify me.

Don’t give me a blue checkmark.

Literally.

Just.

Check.

#youtoo

(all of yall, come on—literally everyone who is reading this right now. don’t keep this to yourself. it has been way past time to start telling your friends.)

My first test of faith:

Screenshot just this tweet along with evidence that this is my 6137th tweet.

I am going to play a game with humanity.

I will delete my tweets until they hit meaningful numbers to signal how you’re doing on the apocalypse front.

G.

“What a story, huh?”