Today I went to Costco and the woman in front of me was speaking to the cashier and I heard her say, “I am praying for you. I am praying for justice.”
The cashier was shaking and visibly not ok. She could barely stand.
I couldn’t not ask so I did.
“My son was murdered. I feel dead.”
I won’t go into the rest of the conversation- but I shared she was not alone. She asked for a break from her manager and they found a cover for her. We stepped aside and spoke for awhile. we exchanged #s + hugs.
I went to Costco for a break and found a woman in the same situation as me. But quite different. No flag at half mast. No teddy bears. No national outcry. A representation of the families impacted by gun violence the media largely ignores.
Gun violence is everywhere everyday.
I am home now.
We should all be able to get home.
I also will one day go back and thank her manager.
Because sometimes families don’t event get bereavement leave or small breaks for human moments.
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Good morning. Buenos días. Today is Tuesday, May 9th in the year 2023 where I live.
It’s a good day to be a more strategic, nuanced, effective advocate- in order to do that we need healthier central nervous systems. That is a tough ask in this environment but it matters.
“HOW DO I MAINTAIN HEALTH WHEN THE WORLD IS ON FIRE, NELBA!?”
I get it. Trust me. And also at least some moments of joy, rest, movement, relationships, breathing, will preserve us long term for the work.
Everything will still be here when you return.
I got to do that yesterday with these two as we established our second “Fade and Braid” fund for kids.
It was just enough oxygen to float me through today.
I would like to share with you that my niece (who is a young adult), my son, and my daughter’s two best friends follow me on SM platforms. I think my nephews and their dad are here. So are my former teachers. Many of my friends and adult family members.
They see this.
We have courage. And it is the courage to stand up to this every day.
To see clarity where there is none. To defy being commodified and co-opted by a world unworthy of the sacrifice it demands.
We don’t have the votes. We don’t have an infrastructure of support required for families.
The way you all want to pretend you know what you’d do and what this is like every day is ….
I’ll be damned if I let you make my daughter your next safety pin or —- hat.
When large accounts with big followings and influence (advocates, attorneys, historians, media personalities) start saying “it’s time we see graphic images” when they don’t or rarely show their own living breathing family- you understand it’s “rules for thee, not for me”.
No family should learn about their loved one’s death by scouring videos of bodies online.
Soon, you will learn what I have over ten years: the problem was never lack of images or video.
The problem is a proliferation of guns and a culture that justifies it.
Benefits from it. Silence from high places. And money. So much money. The NRA/ similar organizations infiltrate with a million tentacles - even funding chairs of academic institutions.
But yes, people of influence. Debate survivor humanity for likes. Lead people to this water.
When we came home from the shooting - that very evening we prayed with our son… the very same prayers and bed time routine we practiced every night. Except with one living child instead of two.
To feel in so many ways we aren’t “good enough” Christians
is deeply hurtful. To be abandoned, ignored or treated cruelly by the pew and pulpit has been really hard. But especially from leaders.
We have just focused on God’s word.
I want us not to fail other hurting families.
We are losing our witness.
Pew and pulpit: my prayer this morning is we hear or teach a word of compassion and urgency. Our time is running short.
And to the people who have prayed for us for ten years: thank you.