Today I went to Costco and the woman in front of me was speaking to the cashier and I heard her say, “I am praying for you. I am praying for justice.”

The cashier was shaking and visibly not ok. She could barely stand. I couldn’t not ask so I did.

“My son was murdered. I feel dead.”

I won’t go into the rest of the conversation- but I shared she was not alone. She asked for a break from her manager and they found a cover for her. We stepped aside and spoke for awhile. we exchanged #s + hugs.

Good morning. Buenos días. Today is Tuesday, May 9th in the year 2023 where I live.

It’s a good day to be a more strategic, nuanced, effective advocate- in order to do that we need healthier central nervous systems. That is a tough ask in this environment but it matters. “HOW DO I MAINTAIN HEALTH WHEN THE WORLD IS ON FIRE, NELBA!?”

I get it. Trust me. And also at least some moments of joy, rest, movement, relationships, breathing, will preserve us long term for the work.

Everything will still be here when you return.

Three things to read before you go to bed, should you be able to:

1). nytimes.com/2022/07/01/opi… rollingstone.com/politics/polit…

I would like to share with you that my niece (who is a young adult), my son, and my daughter’s two best friends follow me on SM platforms. I think my nephews and their dad are here. So are my former teachers. Many of my friends and adult family members.

They see this. We have courage. And it is the courage to stand up to this every day.

To see clarity where there is none. To defy being commodified and co-opted by a world unworthy of the sacrifice it demands.

Where is the church?

Where are white evangelical leaders in the United States today?

What supports will we offer those churches/church leaders who HAVE been doing the work?

What word will we have for the broken today? I pray by now if you are reading this and a person of influence in the church spaces that your theology and love match.

Because I don’t feel it. I don’t see it. And our witness is failing.

A church with no answer and no voice is like a fire truck with no water.

When large accounts with big followings and influence (advocates, attorneys, historians, media personalities) start saying “it’s time we see graphic images” when they don’t or rarely show their own living breathing family- you understand it’s “rules for thee, not for me”. No family should learn about their loved one’s death by scouring videos of bodies online.

Soon, you will learn what I have over ten years: the problem was never lack of images or video.

The problem is a proliferation of guns and a culture that justifies it.

When we came home from the shooting - that very evening we prayed with our son… the very same prayers and bed time routine we practiced every night. Except with one living child instead of two.

To feel in so many ways we aren’t “good enough” Christians is deeply hurtful. To be abandoned, ignored or treated cruelly by the pew and pulpit has been really hard. But especially from leaders.

We have just focused on God’s word.

I want us not to fail other hurting families.

We are losing our witness.

You know where they are not banning any books but instead reading ALL the books and inviting the authors to come speak ?

Boarding school.

This book banning thing is a strategic attack on public education. My son is a scholarship student at a boarding school.

As guest speakers just off the top of my head he’s had Charlotte Clymer, Jacqui Lewis, Maria Hinojosa.

And then there was that time I called and he was like, “Can’t talk mom. Cornel West is here.”

They read all the books.

There are a lot of people right now who feel helpless. And you aren’t helpless. I promise. We’re tired, we’re frustrated, we’re many things. But helpless? No.

A few people have asked me how to start a conservation at church. That’s the easy part. I wrote you a script! The more difficult part will be dealing with their responses. (Or lack)

Many of us were raised to believe in infallible faith leaders. And our faith leaders are not that.

I don’t know what it’s going to take to make gun violence a “worthy enough” cause for powerful evangelical

I just heard a report on our local news station describing the TN shooter as someone who was under care for an “emotional disorder” but not on the “radar” of police.

Linking MH conditions to violence and as something that needs “police watch” is intentional. I remember the then Senator of Alaska after Sandy Hookasking two questions:

1). What diagnosis does this (shootings)?
2). Can we just get everyone (who gets support for MH) on a list (for the police)?

They have long been trying this.

Misinformation rapidly spread on social media disrupts police investigations. It is also a breeding ground for conspiracy theories that can harm families for a lifetime.

There are things you CAN control this morning, including what you share and amplify. Another thing you can control? Where you give.

Do you want your $ to support the families who lost children, spouses? Then you MUST ASK directly.

Not everyone who shows up after tragedy has that goal. It is YOUR responsibility to know exactly where your dollars go.

One of the most common questions I get is how I maintain my faith through everything. I think it helped that it was never rooted in perfect soil or built on expectation of a specific outcome. It’s just faith built on the desperate clinging of a hem. And intuition. And love. This was a time there was a bookstore on every corner and the first three syncopated bass notes of Fred Hammond’s “Living Word” was the most recognizable lick we’d ever heard. There was also ugly just under the surface- the undercurrent of unhealthy and unloving WEv culture