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Snickelsox Profile picture
@snickelsox
May 10 • 4 tweets • 2 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
Orc: You've grown quite formidable.

Bard: Strong enough to carry you.

O: Ha! You cannot lif- WHAT ARE-

B: *grunt* I got you.

O: ...

B: Are you *pant* ok?

O: I have not been lifted since I was young.

B: Oh, sorry. Are you uncomfortable?

O: No. I am incredibly aroused.
#DnD
Orc: Remove your clothing.

Bard: We are... kind of in the middle of the training yard.

O: Yes, my apologies.

B: Let's go to b-

O: ATTENTION FELLOW WARRIORS. I AM GOING TO MATE WITH MY PARTNER HERE. THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

B: Oh lord...
Owner: Hey, just clean up when you're done.

B: You're ok with this?

Ow: Yeah, as long as we get to watch. Purely to see your form, of course.

Or: This is acceptable?

B: I... uh... I GUESS!

Or: Lie back.

Ow: Make sure to engage your glutes.

Patron: And lift with your legs!
There's more of these two. If you want to see more, give it some RTs, and please consider throwing a dollar at my pätreon. Thanks!

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More from @snickelsox

Snickelsox Profile picture
May 12
Lyle sat with their hands together, fingers interlaced, their attention fixed heavily on the planks beneath them. Their mother and father sat a few feet away, two more faces among the dozens of others in the moving wooden crate.
They were all fleeing their home and the weight of it could be seen in every dull eye.

The attacks had been relentless, days and days of fire coming from the sky. At first, the city tried to strike back. Those that stood against the dragon wound up as piles of molten metal and… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Lyle looked into his mother’s eyes. There was fear, there was pain. She broke her gaze and looked down at her chest, touching the crystal briefly before collapsing to the cart. His father screamed, pulled against the rail, and tried, in vain, to reach out to his love with his one… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Read 5 tweets
Snickelsox Profile picture
May 11
Fighter: Our trap will be here, right in the middle of the caravan.

Barbarian: Finally, we will cleave the head of the serpent!

Cleric: Are we sure this is a good idea?

F: With all those people and all the gold we planted, it’s dragon-nip.

C: That’s what worries me.
#DnD
F: What do you mean?

C: It just doesn’t feel right.

B: I disagree. This trap is nearly flawless.

C: No, not the idea. It works but… these people didn’t sign up for it.

F: Nobody signs up for a dragon attack.
F: The best keeps attacking, it keeps killing. It is a monster and needs to be put down by any means necessary.

C: Even if that means sacrificing those fleeing from it?

F: …

C: …

F: …yes.
Read 8 tweets
Snickelsox Profile picture
Apr 27
Orc: I wish to breed.

Bard: *sputter hack cough wheeze*

O: Are you injured? Has another witch cursed you?

B: No, I’m just… That’s abrupt, even for you.

O: I will not apologize for my desires.

B: Nor would I ask you too. Just uh… are you sure?

O: Absolutely.
#DnD
B: Ok… well… with who?

O: I wish you to sire my children. This is not obvious? Why would you ask me this question? Do you doubt my commitment to you?

B: No, I just wanted to hear you say it.

O: Devil. You know of my great affection for you.
O: You have proven yourself to be a capable lover, more than able to complete the task. You have met my family and shown great humility and kindness towards them. I have seen your love first hand and, as a result, I wish to create and raise children with you.
Read 28 tweets
Snickelsox Profile picture
Apr 26
Skeleton: Why did we come into this dungeon?

Barbarian: We *ouch* needed gold.

S: You’re injured.

B: I will survive.

S: No, you will not. One moment… it should be- ah. Here it is!

B: A potion? Where did you get that?

S: Secret compartment. Dungeoneers are predictable.
#DnD
S: If you let me fight more, you wouldn’t need to get hurt so often.

B: We have replaced your arm and food once already. I can not heal you beyond giving you new parts. What if you are utterly destroyed?

S: You will have failed your quest.

B: I would literally rather die.
S: *snap*

B: Your hand! Why would you do such a thing!?

S: So you have to replace it.

B: With what, pray tell!? I do not have a collection of bones simply stored away.

S: A sword.

B: Pardon?

S: Replace my hand with a sword.

B: Will that work?

S: I will make it work.
Read 5 tweets
Snickelsox Profile picture
Aug 4, 2022
Weight management really is as simple as calories in, calories out. However, that's the beginning of the conversation, not the end. What else is there in your life that affects that? Medication? Hormones? Activity level? Ability? Diet restrictions? There's so much else!
That goes for gaining, losing, maintaining, whatever your goals are. We start with the base idea of calories and then we build upon it for each individual. "Just eat less" is terrible advice that just so happens to work for a few people. It's not viable for most.
Everybody and every body is different. We all have so many things that change how things work for us. If you want to move your body around, it's good to keep the basics in mind but you have to account for everything else too.
Read 4 tweets
Snickelsox Profile picture
Jul 17, 2022
Cleric: Why are you stacking all those crates... oddly?

Wizard: Physics manipulation. Trying to speed run this adventure.

C: Speed... run?

W: If I clip these just right... boom!

C: Where did that box go!?

W: Hopefully into Tiamat's head at approximately infinite speed.
#DnD
C: ...did it w-

W: No.

C: How do you know?

W: Didn't level up. Have to reset.

C: What?

W: Gotta start this adventure over. Still got that Wish scroll?

C: What are you gonna do?

W: Reverse time. How long have we been adventuring?

C: 9 Years.

W: Damn, I was on PB pace too.
Paladin: Hold on.

W: Ugh, what?

P: Finish the run.

W: Why?

P: A simple mistake may not ruin the run. Besides, how many times have you practiced beyond this point. There is honor in finishing the run.

W: But I want a world record.

P: As do we all. Patience young runner.
Read 5 tweets

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