Child Alex: You’re big.

Boot. You rude. No say.

CA: Are you sick?

B: No.

CA: But you throw up lots and your belly… en-large-ed.

B: Ugh. I with child.

CA: Yeah, I’m a kid. You’re with me.

B: No what mean. I pregnant.

CA: Really!? Baby brother!

C: This complicated...
#DnD B: Is no you brother or sister. I no you mom, I only protect. I… no you family.

CA: Sorry.

B: No sorry. No tears. You good child, just… no can be what you want. Must be this way.

CA: I get it. Nobody wants me.

B: I no say!

In a swirl, the dragon grabbed their polymorph cloak, shrinking in size to an average humanoid. They did their best to avoid the glare of the wizard.
“That’s mine,” the wizard said.
“I don’t care,” the dragon, now more resembling a dragonborn, shot back.

https://twitter.com/snickelsox/status/1661037663967641602

They reached for a small table and took a satchel of gold pieces.
“Don’t expect me to be here when you get back,” the wizard said.
“I just need to clear my head. I’ll be back later today,” they said, completing their collection task by grabbing another bag full of traveling… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Wizard: Oh, dear! What happened?!

Dragon: It was a trap. They attacked me. I’m hurt pretty badly.

W: What about all the gold?

D: I didn-I lost it.

W: Did you lose your temper again? You’re so unreliable.

D: I’m sorry…

W: It’s fine. *sigh* Let’s fix you.

D: Thanks...
#DnD Trigger Warning: Emotional Abuse

W: Wow, this is pretty deep. What did they hit you with?

D: Some crystal thing. It started covering my face.

W: I told you to watch out for that.

D: You did?

W: Yes, I did.

D: I don’t remember that.

W: I know you don’t.

Succubus: Hey mom, I brought you a soul!

Demon Queen: Thanks honey…

S: It’s a ripe one, full of experience. Just like you like.

DQ: …

S: Mom? What’s wrong?

DQ: It would have been your brother’s birthday today.

S: Yeah, I know… I miss him too.
#DnD I'm not telling these stories in a linear fashion. Here's more of these characters.

https://twitter.com/snickelsox/status/1659953532420894721?s=20

Lyle sat with their hands together, fingers interlaced, their attention fixed heavily on the planks beneath them. Their mother and father sat a few feet away, two more faces among the dozens of others in the moving wooden crate.

https://twitter.com/snickelsox/status/1656761780721311746

They were all fleeing their home and the weight of it could be seen in every dull eye.

The attacks had been relentless, days and days of fire coming from the sky. At first, the city tried to strike back. Those that stood against the dragon wound up as piles of molten metal and… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Fighter: Our trap will be here, right in the middle of the caravan.

Barbarian: Finally, we will cleave the head of the serpent!

Cleric: Are we sure this is a good idea?

F: With all those people and all the gold we planted, it’s dragon-nip.

C: That’s what worries me.
#DnD F: What do you mean?

C: It just doesn’t feel right.

B: I disagree. This trap is nearly flawless.

C: No, not the idea. It works but… these people didn’t sign up for it.

F: Nobody signs up for a dragon attack.

Orc: You've grown quite formidable.

Bard: Strong enough to carry you.

O: Ha! You cannot lif- WHAT ARE-

B: *grunt* I got you.

O: ...

B: Are you *pant* ok?

O: I have not been lifted since I was young.

B: Oh, sorry. Are you uncomfortable?

O: No. I am incredibly aroused.
#DnD Orc: Remove your clothing.

Bard: We are... kind of in the middle of the training yard.

O: Yes, my apologies.

B: Let's go to b-

O: ATTENTION FELLOW WARRIORS. I AM GOING TO MATE WITH MY PARTNER HERE. THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

B: Oh lord...

Orc: I wish to breed.

Bard: *sputter hack cough wheeze*

O: Are you injured? Has another witch cursed you?

B: No, I’m just… That’s abrupt, even for you.

O: I will not apologize for my desires.

B: Nor would I ask you too. Just uh… are you sure?

O: Absolutely.
#DnD B: Ok… well… with who?

O: I wish you to sire my children. This is not obvious? Why would you ask me this question? Do you doubt my commitment to you?

B: No, I just wanted to hear you say it.

O: Devil. You know of my great affection for you.

Skeleton: Why did we come into this dungeon?

Barbarian: We *ouch* needed gold.

S: You’re injured.

B: I will survive.

S: No, you will not. One moment… it should be- ah. Here it is!

B: A potion? Where did you get that?

S: Secret compartment. Dungeoneers are predictable.
#DnD S: If you let me fight more, you wouldn’t need to get hurt so often.

B: We have replaced your arm and food once already. I can not heal you beyond giving you new parts. What if you are utterly destroyed?

S: You will have failed your quest.

B: I would literally rather die.

Weight management really is as simple as calories in, calories out. However, that's the beginning of the conversation, not the end. What else is there in your life that affects that? Medication? Hormones? Activity level? Ability? Diet restrictions? There's so much else! That goes for gaining, losing, maintaining, whatever your goals are. We start with the base idea of calories and then we build upon it for each individual. "Just eat less" is terrible advice that just so happens to work for a few people. It's not viable for most.

Cleric: Why are you stacking all those crates... oddly?

Wizard: Physics manipulation. Trying to speed run this adventure.

C: Speed... run?

W: If I clip these just right... boom!

C: Where did that box go!?

W: Hopefully into Tiamat's head at approximately infinite speed.
#DnD C: ...did it w-

W: No.

C: How do you know?

W: Didn't level up. Have to reset.

C: What?

W: Gotta start this adventure over. Still got that Wish scroll?

C: What are you gonna do?

W: Reverse time. How long have we been adventuring?

C: 9 Years.

W: Damn, I was on PB pace too.

Tell me your a bad DM without telling me you're a bad DM. I only play level 1-3 because I need my players to feel as weak and powerless as I do. I've never even read 3rd level spells or anything with a CR above 6.

This is how I blow my son's mind for Christmas. Getting to open a ton of Japanese digimon cards really got him excited.

Lich: Merry Christmas!

Cleric: Ah! How did you get in our house!

L: You left offerings for me.

Paladin: Evil thief! Those cookies were for Santa!

L: I know.

C: Wait...

P: No way...

L: Who else would live in a remote ice lair? Who else could deliver all these presents?
#DnD C: That's not true.

P: That's impossible!

L: Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

Rogue: Oh, hi Santa.

L: Hello there.

R: Got my Obsidian Dagger?

L: If by "Obsidian Dagger" you mean "Pile of Coal," then yes, I do.

C: Rogue, you knew!?

R: Oh, you still thought...

Missed a year but we're back for my local food bank. Happy Holidays

A fresh hell we parents have to live through now is "this a cold or covid?" Yeah, we all have the same question but adding a child to the mix makes it infinitely more complicated and stressful.

Oh, late night? Time for you to shiver in antici... ...pation.

Happy Halloween everyone. Don't dream it, be it.

Paladin: Foul creature! How dar-

Lich: Woah, buddy. It's a Halloween party. I'm just here to mingle and eat candy.

Cleric: Hey! You made it!

L: Wouldn't miss it.

P: You invited this monster!?

C: We're all monster tonight, relax. Here, I spiked the punch.

P: I... what!?
#DnD C: Go ahead, knock it back.

P: Oh, it's very... pungent. What did you put in there?

C: Dwarven Crystal Select. About 600 years old. I'm going to stand here until you drink it.

P: Fine. *gulp*

L: Woah! One pull, impressive.

P: Yeah well, my sword is even more impressive.

Wizard: And over there is the Rainsoul of Azanol tribe.

Cleric: Yeah...

W: What's wrong?

C: Isn't it weird... taking these magical relics from other people to display them?

W: For sure! That's why almost all of these are mimics! You can even hold them if you're careful.
#DnD C: So all these are fake?

W: Well, kinda. The mimics get a good look at the relic and then come here. They're less fragile and a few can even tell you about their forms. They get fed, we get knowledge, everybody wins.

C: How do they feel about it?

Mimic: It's a living.

Here, I picked this for you. It will being you good luck. Gotta come get it though.

Lich: Well done adventurers, you passed the test!

Cleric: What?

L: You've been deemed worthy to complete an epic quest!

C: Another one? We're already on a quest.

L: Huh?

C: A string of them. A king, a dragon, the goblin queen, a talking spider. Quests all the way down!
#DnD C: I'm beginning to think we will never see the end of these quests.

L: Oh, uhh...

C: It's almost like we're just being kept busy with a string of endless tasks.

L: No no, that can't b-

C: But why would someone want to keep us busy with all these tasks?

L: Uhh...